My Dad seriously told my kids this. It’s pretty funny and we all talk about it and tell other people that. We threaten to untie the kids’ belly-buttons when they’re being annoying (note – my kids are 7 and 15).
My Dad also told my daughter that if she held a bee in her hand, and did not breathe, the bee wouldn’t sting her. :dubious: So, one day, she manages to catch a bee. She holds in softly in her little fist (I think she was 6 or 7 at the time) and holds her breath as long as she can. Funny enough, the bee did not sting her until she did start breathing. Thinking I could get her to understand that sometimes Papa told us things for his own amusement that weren’t necessarily true, I asked her if she learned anything. Her response? “Yeh, open my hand before I start breathing!”
So, aside from mythical creatures watching to make sure you behaved (Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Jesus, etc) what silly crap have your parents/grandparents told you or your kids?
Speaking of belly-buttons, my mom told us kids that if we poked at it, we’d spring a leak and fly around the room like a balloon, and land in a deflated heap in the corner. We always knew it was a joke, though.
Then there’s the “if you keep crossing your eyes, one day they’ll stick that way and you won’t be able to uncross them” thing.
There’s a place near where I live that has telephone poles out in fields for weather testing. My dad used to tell us that was where they grew telephone poles.
When I asked my dad why people in the left lane drove faster, he told me it was because the left lane was longer and the people had to go faster to get to the same place in the same time.
My dad’s reply anytime I had hurt myself was that we should amputate. Every time. Tummy ache, stubbed toe, splinter, didn’t matter. Usually, the amputation line was drawn at the neck. It was old and unfunny when I was 6, but he stuck with it.
On the plus side, if I had a cough, he’d feed me a spoonful of honey with lime juice on top. So he wasn’t all bad.
Many years ago I had a co-worker who was about 19 or 20 who was dating a 45 year old man. Her mother told her that if you had sex with an old man, your insides turned old. She repeated this to us at work as if she believed her mother.
I once told my very little children that the baby corn in their Chinese vegitables were actual baby corns. One child refuse to eat them because she didn’t want to eat babies, the other because he didn’t want to eat things off of a baby’s feet.
My Old World grandma told me that I was going to go insane because I read too much. I guess she was right about that!
My dad told us blind people were able to drive and that the bumps in the road are braille. The big bumps tell you where the turn lanes are located. Yep. That is why they have braille on drive through ATMs. Anytime we saw someone driving with sunglasses until I was about 8 we assumed they were blind.
Pullet – that or “well, if we take you to the doctor, they’re going to have to give you a shot. I am sure it will make you feel better though” (while putting on my jacket, grabbing my keys, etc) is my favourite way to unpussyfy my son.
Biggirl – ok, this is more along the lines of just plain stupid, but I worked with a girl once who was 19 when she got pregnant. She told her father (she related this to me later) that she was afraid she would get fired for wearing her belly shirts to work. He asked her why on earth she would wear something that would show off her pregnant belly at work anyway and she explained to him that the baby’s umbilical cord was attached to her belly button and that was how the baby breathed – through her belly button. She didn’t want the baby to suffocate. She told me she had no idea where she got that in her head and when her father laughed until he cried at her, she realised just how stupid it was.
Hypno-Toad – your dad reminds me of a friend of mine who once got me in a moment in which I wasn’t paying attention. We were driving around the foothills of TN and I mentioned that it must be uncomfortable for the cows to stand on such slopes all day long. My friend, in all seriousness, mr matter of fact, says “well, duh, Lit, the farmers cut two of the cows legs shorter than the others, so they’re actually level.” I said, “oh” and then realised what he had said. :smack:
My mom had made egg foo young for dinner. I didn’t like it. So she told me that if I ate it, my eyes would “turn Chinese.” So I ate a bite and went running into the bathroom to look into the mirror. My eyes were the same. So I came back and told her it didn’t work. She told me I had to eat more for it to work. So I ate another bite and went running into the bathroom again. Still, my eyes were the same. So I came back and told her it didn’t work. She told me I had to eat a little more. Lather, rinse, repeat. I ate about half the plate before I couldn’t stand it any more.
That must have been 30 years ago, and I still haven’t forgiven her. And I’m still waiting for my “Chinese eyes,” dammit! :: runs into the bathroom to check the mirror ::
My dad told me that people who went out of their way to disrespect the beliefs of others when it was entirely uncalled for were actually tremendously insecure people.
My mom said if I ate the bread crusts my hair would get curly. Well, I didn’t want curly hair and I didn’t like the crusts anyway! And of course that if I swallowed a watermelon seed it would grow.