Way to promote your employer, numbnuts

The company I work for has a contract with a local outfit to do our pre-employment physicals and drug screening. Said provider has one of the more obnoxious salespeople it’s been my displeasure to come in contact with. This guy is fond of sending out little seasonal health and safety reminders that are really just plugs for his employer. Normally I don’t mind them all that much, but today’s really gave me pause. I’ve quoted the message below, exactly as I received it:

OK, my first thought is, was this guy drunk when he wrote this? My second thought is, if they take the same amount of care with their contracted services as they do with their promotional E-mailings, maybe we should look for another provider.

What’s wrong with it? I will definitely be double checking funny rapers. I mean, they’re disgusting and dangerous, but they crack my shit up.

Hmm…if you were a drug screener and your tests confirmed that an applicant was on drugs could you secure drugs for yourself by hiding positive test results from the employers? Just wondering…

Last time I got a promotional email that craptastic, it was from my (former) gym. I replied, noting its poor quality, and copied the general manager and they took me off their mailing list (from which I had previously asked to be removed) toot sweet. Not sure it did any good other than that, though. Is good health bad for one’s spelling and grammar or something?

Oh, have I got a good one. Here:

Mine isn’t really pit worthy, just funny:

I did wonder how much meth they were handing out.


Well, shit. We HAVE to hear the EAP presentation at Staff Ed Day and nobody said anything about any meth. Everybody else’s job is always cooler.

Um, uno ves mas in ingles, por favor? :rolleyes:

I think I need some drugs so I can make that make sense…

Well, actually I just WANT some drugs, but any excuse, right?

Holy Jamoly. My head started to throb about ten words in.

In Russia, Employer promotes You!

And, finally, my annual struggle to come up with an interesting Halloween costume has ended at the last minute.
I’m envisioning Jerry Seinfeld in a Clockwork Orange outfit.

It took me five minutes to work out that “rapers” meant “wrappers.” Of course, most of the five minutes was spent trying not to wet myself from laughing.

Horrible grammar and spelling is nature’s way of telling you to take your business elsewhere.

Rapping Bill Cosbys Chicken Heart routine.

Rapers with a sense of humor get shorter sentences.

Study Guide from #2 son’s elementary school gym teacher:

I confess I didn’t read any further.

Sounds kind of dirty; I’d keep an eye on them.

No, I think they meant funny “rappers” like Amy Poehler.

You know, that’s how I decided about half of my votes for the local elections - by looking up voter guides where the candidates submit their own answers to survey questions. Ye gods. It’s frightening, the near-illiterates running for office around here. If you can’t form a complete coherent sentence, you’re not getting my vote.