This gave me a laugh. It’s The Onion so obviously it’s satire. (Note that the link has a photoshopped picture that possibly could upset a sensitive person.)
From the OP’s linked Onion article:
“A harpoon, much like a rifle, is a tool used primarily for hunting, and yet many of our nation’s lawmakers insist upon drawing a legal distinction between the two. You see the point I’m making here, yes?”
This is surprisingly similar to remarks that LaPierre has actually said. I heard a mini-debate on the radio several years ago, between him and (IIRC) the governor of some eastern state (W. Va. maybe?) where there had been some cops shot recently. It was on one of the Sunday in-depth news shows (Meet the Press or one of those types), moderated by one of the well-known big-name news anchors of the day. (Sorry, I don’t remember much detail.)
The question was asked, of course, about regulating or banning high-capacity assault weapons, vs. handguns. LaPierre absolutely dug in his heels and resolutely refused to acknowledge any distinction. Guns are for self-defense and sporting (hunting, etc.), he insisted. The moderator persisted in this line of questioning for a while, and LaPierre utterly refused to budge on that. He just totally refused to admit that assault weapons were any different than handguns.
Largely for that specific attitude, but also for his overall line of argument in that debate, I concluded that LaPierre is a psychopath. His more recent public pronouncements have certainly confirmed that conclusion for me.