Ways to mess with people calling wrong numbers

In My Humble Opinion
1

For some reason I get a lot of wrong numbers on my mobile (at least one or two a week.) Normally I just politely tell them the number’s wrong, but inspired by this thread (in which someone describes Danny Devito doing just that in the movie Ruthless People)I thought I’d solicit ideas on what I can say next time someone calls my mobile and asks for someone I’ve never heard of.

A couple I’ve come up with so far:

Caller: Hi is Steve there?
Me: Steve? Oh is that the guy that used to own this phone?
Caller: Huh?
Me: Yeah, this is my phone now. I found it at the bus stop this morning with a bunch of other stuff… hey, you don’t happen to know Steve’s PIN number do you?

and

Caller: Hi, is Mary there?
Me: Mary? She’s taking a dump, could you call back in three quarters of an hour?

:smiley:

2

“Hello, this is the LaToya Jackson psychic hotline. We knew you’d be calling.”

:slight_smile:

3

If I notice it’s a wrong number on my caller ID, I usually pick up the phone, and instead of saying hello, I will say, “Hi, is Penelope there?”

Usually throws them right off.

4

I got a wrong number call one day. It went like this:

Me: “Hello”
Them: “Hi! Hey, this is Tom, Crystal’s friend, and I need to ask you a favor.”
Me: “Sure! Anything!”
Them: “Well, we need to borrow your card table and chairs set for tomorrow evening. Would that be asking too much?”
Me: “No problem! Just come on over and get it when you need it. If I’m not home, just go into the garage and help yourself to whatever you need, ok?”
Them: “Oooh, thanks! Well, I don’t want to take up your time, so I’ll catch you next weekend, ok? Thanks again!”
Me: “You’re welcome, Tom! Take care! Bye!”

I’d really like to know what happened with that one…

5

“Hello.”
“Hi, is Ronnie there?”
“Ronnie’s in jail. Now that I’ve got you on the phone, though, would you mind answering a few questions?”
“Click.”

6

I need to learn some of those phrases in Spanish, because for some reason all of my wrong numbers on the cell are Spanish-speaking people. Maybe “U.S. Immigration, how may I help you?” :smiley:

7

I always like to say, “Yeah, sure,” and then, “Huh? Oh… She says f**k off.”

8

“Is Joe there?”

“No, he’s just left with his wife”

“THIS IS HIS WIFE” click.

9

Back in college, my apartment’s number was previously owned by a Howard. I moved a couple of times, but always in the same general area, so I kept the same number. I got calls for Howard for years. One was from the hospital trying to get him his test results (you’d think someone would make sure their contact information was up-to-date for that).

My favorite off-the-cuff response:

Me: Hello?
Caller: Is Howard there?
Me: Howard {lastname}? (I can no longer remember what it was, but it wasn’t a very common last name)
Caller: Yes.
Me: Sorry, you’ve got a wrong number.
::hang up::

I’ve always wondered how that sounded on the other end…

10

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11

20 years ago, when I was working in a boiler room, I used something similar :
Me : Revenue-Canada (in a German accent), Ja ?
Caller : :eek:
M : You name, SIN
C : gives info
M : our auditor will be at your place tomorrow morning

Or I made them win prizes :
(real fast) “Congratulations, you just won a one way trip to beautiful Okinawa, courtesy of kamikaze Airlines ! Now to collect the prize, you just have to answer this question : are you a moron ?”