For the first time in my adult life, I pet that I’d been with for a significant amount of years passed away. I got to live with Cuthbert when my now-wife moved in with me seven years ago. I definitely tend to run on the sensitive side of the spectrum, but I really had no idea how devastating his unexpected death would end up being.
At any rate, one of the things I’d been struggling with (and finally made a decision on today) was about how to handle his remains. The vet provided the options of a mass cremation, a private cremation with the ashes returned, or a return of the body for burial. They also offered the option of getting a paw print with a plate that has his name on it. I’m not really able to say why, but I decided I really wanted the paw print. I know that it will be really hard for me to pick that up, but I didn’t want to completely let him go, and ashes seem really impractical to me.
The only other thing I’d considered is a commemorative tattoo. I have an old tattoo that I’ve wanted to alter/cover up for a number of years, and I have some desire to have an image of Cuthbert in its place. But I suspect that getting a decent and representative drawing of a cat is not the easiest thing in the world, and my wife is not a big tattoo fan anyway. So I think I’ll just stick with the paw print.
Anyway, while this thread is by its nature at least partially about my own grieving, I’m curious about the normal and perhaps unique ways that you other pet lovers have chosen to remember and/or honor your pets after they’ve died. What was important to you? How did you feel about your chosen method afterward? What has been most effective for you?
And though I don’t post in pet threads very often, I understand that Cuthbertpicturesareobligatory. The first one is now hanging from my monitor at work, so he can always remind me that I’m just a well-directed headbutt away from a broken shin, should he feel the desire.
With regards to a tattoo – while I understand the impulse to memorialize, I don’t know if you want your significant other to be thinking about deceased loved ones every time they look at you.
I agree. It was a factor. It’s one thing for ME to decide I want to look at his image every day. It’s another to make that decision for HER. In any event, had I gotten serious about wanting the tattoo, I would not have done so without speaking to her about it first.
I have a dog collar from my last childhood pet on a shelf of knick-knacks. It seems more substantial (to me) than a pawprint and less weird than ashes. My parents get memorial plates for each dog and they’ve got a small row of them on a wall.
More recently, I lost my cat of many years. I memorialize her by occasionally fostering kittens and naming every single one after her, though I give them different “government names” for adoption events.
When my Dolly passed I got her ashes in a nice wooden box with her name on it. I also got a lock of hair and a paw print from the … funeral home? … that did the cremation (and the box). At first I had thought I wanted to bury her ashes in the yard under her favorite tree but when the time came I was like “OMG I AM NOT LEAVING MY BABY OUTSIDE!!!” and decided that she would stay in my bedroom, with me. So she’s on a little table in my bedroom and I dust her off every so often. The hair and the paw print, I don’t really do anything with those. They’re tucked in a closet.
I thought about a tattoo for her, and I might do it yet. Just something small, not a photo. But then I thought of all the pets I’ll have over my life and didn’t want my body to be a big sad memorial. I just decided to keep her in my heart, and it’s worked so far.
Sorry again about your Cuthbert. I thought of him this week while we played the Royals, and Cheslor Cuthbert.
We have had the few cats that have been members of our family cremated, and we have a picture of them on the container, with their old collar and tags inside along with their cremains. I will pick up the containers and look at the pictures and think warm, loving thoughts.
Asimovian, please forgive my complete ignorance, and my forwardness in asking this question - if you are in ANY way offended, I will feel awful: I believe you are African American. The adorable Cuthbert is a white cat. How would a tattoo work? Since this is none of my f@cking business, you are more than welcome to just tell me that.
I am just trying to work through Black Guy + Old Tattoo to cover over that I assume is not with White Ink + Cuthbert Tattoo over that original tattoo = How Would that Work? I don’t have any ink so am completely clueless about this.
I’d like to clarify that the (to me) in this sentence should apply to both clauses. I mean absolutely no offense to anybody who chooses to memorialize their pets (or any loved ones) in this way.
Donated to a dog/ non-kill shelter in my Gracies name. I got a card thanking me for her donation. And I have her collar. We buried her in one of my flower beds, which she always trampled on.
We watched most of the series. We always used to crack jokes about our Cuthbert causing terror on a baseball field when those two teams would play each other. It was a little harder this weekend. But it still made us smile. Cheslor is an imposter, though. Our Cuthbert had need of neither bat nor ball to strike fear into his opposition.
Not at all offended. I wasn’t thinking so much photographic as representative outlines. I’m no artist, but I think that Cuthbert’s outlines could still be done in a way that made it look like him against my skin. I could be wrong, though.
For what it’s worth, I read it the way you intended it.
Cool - thanks. Yeah, I can visualize what you are saying. I Googled “cat sketch tattoo” and while many are complex, some are cool, simple strokes of a line here and there that translates to a cool cat. I bet you could get ideas and see how “Cuthbert-able” they might be with an adjustment or two. Good luck.
I also bury my own, and dig the hole myself. I add some type of memento as well. It’s somewhat cathartic to be able to channel my grief into this labor for them.
Our last pet loss was a large Doberman, and my husband wanted to keep her with us in the house, so she was cremated and returned to us in a box which rests on the dresser in our bedroom. I can’t say it’s brought me much comfort. However, when we were ready for another dog, we knew it would have to be another Dobe, and a rescue to boot. Turns out it took two dogs to replace her, so that seems a good legacy.
The last time I lost a cat, a friend of mine made a donation in the cat’s name to the local animal shelter. I thought that was so wonderful, to bring good out of something tragic, and that’s what I do now for people I know who lose their pets.
When our dog died, we spread her ashes in three spots: in the Shenandoah National Park, where we hiked with her all the time; in the headwaters of the Savage River where we played in the water with her; and in the grounds of a very well known sculpture near our house in DC. They all had significance for her and they’re all places we frequent a lot, so we think of her.
When our beloved Daisy passed last October, we had a vet come to the house to euthanize her, and she took her to be cremated. We chose to have her cremated with other pets, neither of us are interested in having her remains (or anyone else’s for that matter). I have a framed picture of her on the entertainment center, with her color and tag hanging on an edge. I look at her pictures and videos often.
Daisy had congestive heart failure and we knew she didn’t have a lot of time left last summer. We have two other dogs as well, but they are bigger than Daisy, and more doggy than she was. She wasn’t exactly a lap dog, but she slept next to us, and we were really close. I started looking at available rescues on Petfinder, and we got our Lucy just about a month before Daisy passed. I’m both thankful and regretful. Daisy didn’t feel well, and I shouldn’t have introduced a new dog into the household before she was gone. However, the day Daisy died, I was so thankful Lucy was here, she was a tremendous comfort to us both. We love Lucy, Ripley and Gracie dearly, but there will never be another dog like Daisy.
When I lost my soul mate dog, Kubla, my beautiful Akita. I had him cremated. I was just so devastated and upset, and I didn’t know what else to do. Now I have a box, and it doesn’t seem like the best memorial.
With later pets, we have done the following: a double-picture frame. On the top, the best picture of the pet we could find, and on the bottom a paw print. There’s a plaque in the middle, with the pet’s name and approximate years of life (sometimes we know, sometimes we don’t). We have a pet wall with pictures of current and past pets. They feel more present that way. I get to actually see them, and I smile when I do. I guess the ashes make me sad, and the pictures allow me to more easily remember the essence of the pet. With future pets, I might change it up and use a framing arrangement that allows more than one picture of the pet.
Oh my goodness! You reminded me that the back seat of my husband’s truck is permanently embroidered with our Lilith’s shed hair. We don’t usually see it because it’s under the seat cover we got for the new dogs, but seriously. There’s about a pound of her with us all the time.
I have the ashes of my old dog Bertha in a decorative tin that is draped with her dog collar and tags. I keep it on a shelf that also has an Ozzy bobblehead and an Alice Cooper “action figure”.
