OK, I have to ask one question. Why wouldn’t families be open to this? Is it because there are 2 children? 
They are scheduled to meet on Thursday, so hopefully, by Thursday evening I will know if the parents are interested in meeting with us. Bless our adoption agency, they are so pragmatic and good at managing expectations. She said more often than not, with older children involved, the parents back out. It’s not uncommon for them to not even show up. But in this case, they have said they would be there, so we’ll see… Our agency understands what a difficult line it is to walk, being hopefully optimistic but realistic at the same time and knowing there are false starts.
If they DO want to meet, the adoption would be processed sooner rather than later. She thinks maybe a 1-2 week transition period for the kids to get to know us and get used to us taking care of them before they would live with us permanently. I’d basically be taking leave from work for at least a month and working from home an additional two, and Sr. Weasel would also be taking leave. Fortunately, my supervisor and HR and everyone with ears already knows that we were going through this process and how unpredictable it can be.
I’m gonna be honest, I’m still trying to figure out how to make this work financially. Fortunately, they aren’t adding much to adoption fee for two kids vs. one, but we had expected to have at least another year to save up money. It’s not the fees I’m worried about (we have that saved) so much as the initial expenses (equipment, toys) plus the sudden ongoing increase in expenses. Sr. Weasel is supposed to take his EPPP any day now to get full licensure and his income has been temporarily limited as he’s reduced his hours to study for the exam. Once he takes the exam, though, our income will increase a lot. His time off work to help the kids adjust will be an additional expense that we hadn’t planned on for a while.
Borrowing money from the 'rents is always an option. They are loaded and extremely anxious for grandkids. But I would prefer we figure it out on our own, if we can.
There’s always more to the story, and yes, it’s tragic. It sounds like a situation of long-term homelessness where they have additional challenges that make it impossible to raise their kids. I’m hoping to understand more if and when we meet with them.
Two main factors. The kids are African American and there are many white families who are not open to trans-racial adoption. The other factor is the fact that there are two children who must be adopted together, and 18 months is fairly old into a child’s life for couples who are predominantly looking into domestic infant adoption (my agency tends to primarily handle domestic infant adoption… this is an unusual case.) Even my husband, who is a child psychologist, is somewhat freaked about the additional challenges of adopting an 18-month-old (sometimes I think he knows too much for his own good.)
You’ll definitely be hearing an update on Thursday.
We need to throw you an adoption baby shower! How about you share what you need and anyone who’s interested can PM you for your mailing address? Toys, clothes, blankets, gift cards to the Big Box store of your choice?
If you are open to hand-me-downs and are in the same part of Michigan I am in, I have hand-me-downs galore to share.
And blankets! Oh I should crochet a baby blanket!
Yes! To both ideas. I suspect we’ll need all the help we can get, if this happens. Today I’m cleaning out the nursery, scheduling donation pick-up and junk removal, and generally freaking out. Every time it seems too much I’m like, what one thing can I do next? It’s getting me through.
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I’m in Shelby Township / Detroit Metro, FYI.
In line with ivylass’s awesome Virtual Shower idea, if this happens, you could set up an online registry.
Kids go through a lot of formula and diapers. 
This is so exciting !!!
Okay. How old, and boy and or girl?
Random immensely important bit that just arose from my memory:
Our health insurance company covered both kids THE MOMENT their planes entered US airspace.
That said, your children should be 100% covered the moment they are in your arms.
I’m assuming you’re all over this already, but just in case… 
And- yay !!!
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Two babies under two?!
Oh boy are you guys in for a life change!
(This is coming from the chick that had four kids in five years.) You got this. Once you get them out of diapers you will love having them so close together in age.
Sending you all the good wishes and luck!
The Firebug was nearly 20 months old when we brought him home from Russia.
Having never raised a child from infancy, my WAG is that it makes for a longer period of bonding compared to that - where you’re going through the motions of doing the stuff a parent would do, but unsurprisingly, you’re still learning each other, feeling your way around each other, for awhile in there. It’s a bit more work at that stage, just like any new relationship, but it’s not the sort of difficulty level that should scare anyone away, at least not if they want to be parents in the first place.
Then at some point things click, you’ve connected at some deep level, and the relationship is embedded in your soul. Took about 6 months, in our case.
In this particular case, the girl is 6 months old and the boy is 18 months old.
Generally, we are going through an infant adoption agency, so the highest probability is we will end up adopting a newborn. We have no preference for sex or race.
I personally would adopt any kid younger than four, but Sr. Weasel isn’t as comfortable with that. We’re going to talk this weekend about exactly what our age limits would be, and completing the Adopting an Older Child training online. We need the certificate on file in order to be eligible.
Yes, I confirmed they would be covered immediately.
I’ve almost completely cleaned out the nursery now and have a pile of boxes waiting to go to donation. I’m going to add some pictures and edit the adoption profile – remember we’d only given them a draft. I found out today that the bio parents will be reviewing our profile and two others, so I’m hoping to have something more complete by tomorrow. And I’m hoping the counselor will accept it, print it and show it them (I think she will given the weird circumstances… normally they ask for hard copies because color printing is so expensive.) I know this is not a competition, but… it kinda feels like one.
I’m in Novi! That’s perfect! All the stuff I have is very girly but I think I have some gender neutral stuff. I don’t have any little clothes anymore though.
Any favorite colors?
+1 - there are online registries that’ll ship stuff :). You need a Diaper Genie.
The whole situation with finding a child sooner than expected makes me recall one of my very first Lending Club loans, 7 years back. A family was planning to adopt, and thought they’d have several years to save up - and things happened WAY faster than they thought, so they turned to Lending Club for the fees. I felt really good about contributing to that :).
I’m thinking that in some ways, adopting the two together would be easier than either one separately. They’ll at least know each other and have something familiar to cling to with all the upheaval of a new home and these funny-looking people who are now their parents.
How long would the actual legal adoption process take? I mean, the kids might be placed with you quickly but I assume there’s some waiting period before it becomes legal, right?
Good luck! It’s been going great for me and my wife and baby (adopted in February) so far!
How exciting. Taking on two children at once as a new parent must seem kind of scary, but I think that the rewards of having two kids so close in age would be great too.
Do you know yet if this will be an open adoption?
This. I have no idea how we would have managed without one.
Also, you’ll need some sort of way of keeping toddlers out of your lower kitchen and bathroom cabinets. I recommend Safety 1st’s magnetic locks, and I have a bunch of them left over from the Firebug’s toddler years that I’d gladly mail to the Spice Weasel family.
To install them, you do need to drill a small hole in the door of each cabinet, but as long as one has basic competence with a drill and a screwdriver, installation isn’t hard. And once it’s in, it’s the easiest locking system to deal with: you just hold a magnet (included!) against the door, and it unlocks.
Great news! I hope it all goes well.
Aaaand the parents didn’t show for their agency meeting and are not responding to texts.
Looks like we have our first official ‘‘false start.’’ The counselor told me she’ll let us know if they circle back around, I told her we don’t need to know anything unless the parents want to meet with us.
You know the truth? I am relieved as hell. It was a total blindside. We would have made it work, risen to the occasion, but with Dom still studying for the EPPP our finances have been strained – two kids under two, and losing a month and a half of income? Jesus.
On the bright side, we’re having our house painted next week, starting with the nursery (light blue because it will be an ocean theme, of course. My marinebiologist/artist buddy is painting a mural eventually.) Right now the entire house only has primer so it’s really easy to scuff the walls. And Tuesday we’re going nursery furniture shopping with the 'rents. It looks like no matter what happens next, preparing the room will fall into place over the next month, so that we don’t have that particular stress when the time comes. Sr. Weasel will be able to take his exam without feeling rushed… it will be okay.
slalexan, since you asked, my favorite color is purple.
I greatly appreciate the advice and support and enthusiasm and generosity. Let us, shall we say, put it on hold for now? You know if anything comes up, you’ll hear about it!
I’m glad you’re handling this so well. It sounds like a roller coaster but you’re sanguine about the whole thing.
Good luck with the painting! We’ll be here ready to deluge you with baby goodies when the time comes.
Oh, just wanted to say… I love our agency. Wow did we make the right choice. Everyone there has adopted a child so they get all of it, the ups and downs, the hope, the dashing of the hope. I was drawn in right away because when we sat down for the first time, the counselor was so pragmatic, so honest about what the process is like. No sugar-coating but also a heap of empathy. They explain the purpose of every fee and are very friendly when you are an annoying hopeful parent with lots of questions. And they’ve handled this situation like pros. So I’m grateful for all of that.
ivylass, I’d say a strength of mine is I handle disappointment pretty well. I’m good at accepting the outcome of things. I am not great at handling the lack of knowledge about the outcome. Which is basically all parenting is… one giant everlasting question mark. So I will have my work cut out for me. 