Oh, now all of you are in trouble. I’m roaring drunk and still rattling around in my armchair where I’m safely assured to be virtually invisible until the ugly truth slaps you in the face like The Hedgehog’s semescent tubule waking you from a quaalude daydream while the cameras roll.
Yeah, those Germans and those Japanese are just fucking great examples of militaristic countries that suddenly fell into line after the great and mighty America clobbered them both into sumbission.
Except for one thing. Both of those fine current bulwarks of democracy tumbled and fell into line when they were faced with invasion from a completely different and infinitely more insane alternative: the Stalinist Soviet Union.
Well, wake up and smell the caviar, my friends, because the Commies are long gone and suddenly Iraq is being invaded by a strange and foreign bogeyman which seeks to destroy their way of life. We’re no longer Stalin Lite, we’re the evil horde itself. Why do they fight us? Because they’ve never seen anything scarier than we.
What, I ask you redneck road-farm-game-and-communications-but-not-health-unemployment-traditional-welfare-subsidized maniac solipsists, is the lesser evil compared to us, you fucking fools!
I’ll tell you what it is, it’s some sort of philosophy which can hold the line against a giant military behemoth by slowly wearing it down and economically damaging it by methods which we cannot easily combat.
And I’ll give you one hint what that is, you stupid motherfuckers. It’s a good thing they taught you how to do those girl pushups in gym class, 'cause we just went down a path where if we lose, we’ll be doing those eight times a day.
We just bought a war so big that we can be assured of decades of our best and brightest being diverted into it. Our team captains, the heads of our debating clubs, the most dependable drug dealers in town–they’re all gonna go down the tubes with the rest of this shit. Combating asymmetric warfare requires our very best these days, not you fucking idiots who cheered it along.
And they’ll be the ones who die, not you. And the ones who lead you will be the ones scarred by this warfare. And the most insane and ruthless of them will find the message which squirms your fat asses to the voting booth, because he’ll figure out that it’s easier to lie to the top and continue the fight than it is to solve the fucking problem.
So sit there and laugh at me when this bullshit “war” lasts merely a month, or a year, or a decade, and maybe you’ll remember me when I told you it was the first unjust battle which sparked a war against a tide of ignorance so vast you can never win. You just fucked with someone and left them nothing left to turn to except a god more irrational and psychotic than your own.
This may be the very descent of man, because when I play it out I see that we are about to submerge back into the very sublime slime from which you refuse to believe you emerged. There you shall reign as particulate fools among the detrius of kings.
I’ll fight you fools to the end, and if there isn’t a God who can pull your heads out of your own asses, I’ll be the first against the wall. Right after elucidator, that is, if he doesn’t take to flying small planes in Minnesota.
Oh, and could someone do me the favor of e-mailing me something about this? There’s no possible way I’ll remember it.