How arrogant.
You know, I wonder if this phenomena is taken into account by those “birth order” people (which I find highly suspect for a variety of reasons).
It seems to me that the temperment of one child makes a serious difference in the existance of younger siblings: for example, I was a happy, laid-back, easy-going baby, and my little sister was one of those babies who was perfectly happy as long as she was being held. Put her down, she cried. Picked her up, she smiled. My mom told me once htat had she come first, I wouldn’t have been born: she was too worn out to even think of having another baby. It seems like this would be one more factor, amoung many, to torque those supposed “birth order” coorelations: middle children become middle children because of how they act, not vice-versa.
I think we’re all being too hard on the OP.
Yes, she sounds arrogant. But maybe she’s just feeling “among friends”, and saying, “Hey, throw us a bone here!”
I don’t think she’s saying that a miserable baby means bad parents. I think she just desires some credit from other people for being part of a happy home.
While I know that great parents can have unhappy (even miserable) kids, I do believe that a kid brought up in a happy home, feeling secure, is going to be happier than he would have been under other circumstances.
So those of you who have unhappy kids despite being great parents still deserve credit too-- the kid’s happier than he would have been, had he been born to neglectful parents!
I don’t understand people here that wish that the poster’s next kid is miserable, to prove her wrong. Sheesh.
However, it’s swell to hear examples of people who thought they were the cat’s pyjamas when it came to parenting, with the first, and were surprised by the second. Very reassuring.
-Mother of two perfect children, never a day of trouble, now grown-up and wonderful, hilarious, responsible citizens… honest…
(ducking and running)
…but I give credit to their father’s genes, not mine. He’s mellow.
I agree with you 100%. You probably are great parents and have been blessed with a healthy and happy little boy. If your little boy wasn’t happy it would not reflect poorly on your abilities as parents as all babies are different.
We have four children and some were really good babies and others have taught us what extended sleep deprivation and exhaustion are all about.
I like what Bill Cosby said about parents with only one child… “you’re not really parents because you always know who did it” 
Just wait until the teeth come in… I look forward to hearing from you after you’ve spent half the night walking the floor with a baby who won’t stop screaming unless you hold them and walk… and walk… and walk. But then again, you might get lucky and never have to go through that special little bit of parenting hell.
Good luck!
The OP said…
**And take a little responsibility: if your child is miserable and unhappy, it probably has something to do with your parenting. Sorry if that means that some of you 30-somethings are poor parents, but that’s reality. **
I’d say the OP is tempting Mother Karma.
I’m also wondering why he blames only 30somethings parents. Aren’t 20somethings or 40somethings parents also to blame if their kids aren’t happy? <snicker>
(coding fixed - Jill)
See, it’s all this denial about being a poor parent that got my coding all messed up.
As I have often noted, the Kunilou twins had entirely different personalities from the moment of birth. One was an “easy” baby and one was “difficult.”
So which child do we need to “take a little responsibility” for, and which child’s dispostion “has something to do” with our parenting?
I’m not having a second one after reading this thread. We do have a sweet, good natured kid that never cries without a reason. I don’t think we hurt the odds any by giving full time attention from both parents plus an aunt and grandmother for the first year of her life. And we had a neighbor kid almost the same exact age who cried loudly and incessantly for the first 6 months. They were good parents with a kid that cried. There’s gotta be a lotta luck involved too!
No put-downs intended here, but since when do kids need “full time attention”? Where in the world and when in history did/do any children get full time attention from two parents? Even the idea of one parent staying home with the kid is a fairly recent phenomenon and I think mostly a Western one (and most stay-at-home parents have a lot of other chores to do besides giving full time attention to their kids). Most places in the world I’ve been, children get passed around to other relatives when they’re little while both parents work. Then they either go to work with their parents or entertain themselves as soon as they’re able to. I think there are pros and cons to these different systems.
My son was a happy contented baby. A happy toddler who threw exactly one tantrum. We are very lucky.
My daughter is a different (although equally wonderful) child. We are very lucky (although we didn’t hit the luck jackpot on her temper).
Beware the Karma Gods. My cousin thought superior parenting and good genes were the reason her first potty trained at 14 months. She then didn’t have an excuse when the second smeared shit on the walls for months before getting out of diapers at 4.
Give credit to luck, praise it, give thanks to your lucky stars - it makes it easier to blame luck later. (Your other choice is to never, never post here about how your two and a half year old threw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, over not getting GREEN jello - or your theories on parenting will come back to haunt you).
Just in the interest of piling on…
Number one was an angel. Sweet, brilliant, early to sleep through the night, quickly potty-trained.
Suffice it to say things were different with number 2. I don’t think he slept through the night until he was nearly 3. At one point when things were bad, we took him to a child psych. As he lay on the floor screaming throughout the consultation, the psych said he couldn’t identify anything pathological, the kid just seemed to have a negative disposition. Whereupon we asked what he could do for US!
Do you know how tired you get of people who tell you that he must be acting in a certain way in response to subtle possible subconscious cues from us? Yeah - I’m influencing my kid to act in a manner than makes me start to see the reason behind child abuse.
Fortunately, he has developed into a neat kid. But those first few years were pretty tough.
Then we went ahead and had number 3… Is there an official name for the type of amnesia that causes folk to have more than one kid - forgetting all the crap that goes along with it?
Oh yeah - I’m 42, and I frequently think and comment on the fortune of parents who have pleasant, easy babies.
I’m glad the OPer is very happy with his/her little family. I would be interested to hear their theories of how their parenting skills caused their baby’s sleep patterns, eating habits, susceptibility to minor ailments, etc., etc.
Let’s test your theory, hapaXL. Have several more children (I’d recommend at least ten to get a decent sample) and then post your results here. I’m sure they’ll all be just the same.
Wow. I thought I was gonna have to come in here an play some serious bad cop, get flamed, the whole bit.
Alas, as everyone has said, yes, the temperament of your baby is a whole lot of “luck of the draw.” Perhaps those people who are telling you these things have been around/had lots of babies, and therefore are more knowledgable than you regarding “baby temperament.”
I also agree that you are really tempting fate because your 5 month old is very happy and content, and you assume it’s almost all your doing. Babies is babies. As long as you feed them, keep them warm, love them, etc, I don’t know that your behavior now is going to influence their temperament all that much. Now, there are studies showing that mothers who do or don’t do certain things during pregnancy can have crankier babies, and of course once your child starts to interact with you more, he may take his cues from your actions and personality.
For instance, it is my understanding that a baby starts to feel preferences for certain individuals at about the 6 month stage. Your son now may be happy off with just about anyone, provided that his basic needs are met. Soon, though, he may start to become very fussy if you don’t hold him 24/7, or wail every time you give him to grandpa. Does that mean that you suddenly became a bad parent or Grandpa a bad babysitter? No. It means that the baby is further expressing his personality. What if he doesn’t make a peep? Again, he’s just a really mellow kid, and yes, to a certain extent, you are lucky.
Sorry to go on like this, but you see, I have an adorable niece who was and is the happiest, sweetest, gurgling little baby before and after the nastiest bout of colic you would EVER want to deal with, and I defy you to think that those weeks of constant screaming would not have been halted by her very good parents if at all possible, or that somehow their parenting skills were responsible for her condition.
Be happy that you got a winning ticket. Handle your prize with care and love, and you will continue to be blessed. Just know that next time, the going may be a bit rougher.
I forgot to address the “generational” issue. I’m 30, so I guess I am one of the naysayers to whom you are referring. Know what, though? 5 months out of 18 is not a long time. Don’t get too cocky yet. Just because you have not been challenged yet as a parent does not automatically mean that you must be a superior model. It’s easy to pat yourself on the back and assume it’s all your expertise when the going’s good. However, I would think that it’s imperative for you to understand that your child is his own person, not a piece of clay while you’re the most talented sculptor around. it doesn’t work that way, and when you have problems with him, and you will, you’re going to need to be equal to the task of parenting through difficult times, without feeling like you have failed somehow.
I don’t have kids yet, but I’m observant of the world around me, and I think I’ve figured that out by now.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
I, too, have a happy, contented 5-month old. And not a day goes by that my husband and I don’t coment on how lucky we are and wonder what the second (we’re planning a two-kid family) will be like. It’s a total luck of the draw deal and we know it. We hope that, as he grows up, we manage to be good enough parents to keep him happy, talkative, smiley, etc. Right now we’re just thrilled with what nature provided.
I know perfectly lovely, caring, attentive parents with unhappy or high maintenance babies. They don’t love them any less, or spend less time with them, or show them less attention then we do but their babies have different personalities than ours does. We’re lucky and we know it.
Even if your older kid is demon spawn, it’s not necessarily the parenting skills at fault. You can’t fix temperament or predisposition to being a drama queen. You can work with the child to help them find life easier but there’s not a One Perfect Method of Ideal Parenting which turns out an easy mellow child who is adaptable and easy going.
Hey, where did the OP go?? We’re not done with em!
I would say that the innate temperment of the child influences the parenting style more than the other way around. It’s easy to be a relaxed, attentive parent when you have a relaxed, attentive child. I bet all the other five month olds credit your baby with making you such good parents.
I’ve little doubt that environment can have a strong affect on a child’s overall demeanor, but as others have said, I think there’s quite a bit more going on then we might imagine.
From what experience I have with my child and his cousins, a child is not born with a blank slate for personality. I’ve seen things in my own son which have caused me to pause and wonder where the heck the traits come from.
His cousins are all very different from each other including their own siblings with whom they’ve been raised.
While as parents we can certainly assist our child in dealing with society and such, it seems pretty apparent that people are born, not made.
I had to laugh when I read this. My mother’s an OB nurse that’s certified to scrub so they let her come in the OR with me and my husband when my son was born. She was the one who first handed me my child. When she did, he was screaming his brains out, angry as he could be. My mother’s first comment on her first grandchild was “think this one’s got a temper?!” Oh, yes he does! and it has not faded in the last 18 months either! Heh heh, no they’re not born blank, but with personality intact and fully functional.
Pre-pregnesia? 