Our dog was 15, arthritic, but pretty much still hanging in there. We had spent the previous weekend at a cabin in the Shenandoah Valley and she hung out on the porch, went for a long (for her, at her age) walk in the national park and generally did old dog stuff.
Then on Tuesday night she had bad diarrhea all night. In the morning, we took her to the vet and they did some tests, it turned out shed had cancer and it had spread. We talked about chemo, but my wife’s aunt, who is a vet, told us we would likely be getting her another month, and a shitty one at that, so we did what we felt was the right thing.
My wife had only really seen me cry once before and now she’s seen it like 12 times. We’ve been together 16 years and for 15 of it, our dog was there. She was so much a part of the household, that we didn’t even think about it. She was just one of us. On weekend mornings, when she heard me stir my coffee, she’d start heading for the front door, because that meant we were going to sit on the porch and people watch. We’ve lived in our house 11 years, and this past week is the first time she wasn’t underfoot in the kitchen, or following us from room to room. Every once in a while, I think she’s there in the corner.
I realized last night that I’ve still been getting out of bed trying not to step on her, although she’s not there. The other day, I was reading on the sofa and I reached down to pat her because as long as I’ve been reading on that sofa, my dog was next to it waiting for a pat. It was all so unexpected, we knew she was old, but she seemed healthy right up until she wasn’t. Sorry, this post is a mess, but so am I.
I am so so sorry. She sounds like a wonderful girl who had a wonderful life with you.
If it would help, tell us her name and maybe share a couple of stories with us.
When I lost my first cat, I couldn’t make it into work for three days. I didn’t know how to go on living without her. Not that I was suicidal; I literally didn’t know what life was like without her.
So sorry to hear it. Sounds like she had a good life with a family who loved her.
It’s amazing how much life changes without you even noticing. Last year, I had to put down a cat I’d had for 16+ years. I never thought about the way I got out of bed differently so as not to jostle him, or how I always kind of draped my hand over my water glass to keep him out of it until I no longer had to do those things.
Knowing that my cat was old and arthritic with failing kidneys and useless teeth didn’t make it any easier to let him go. I know I did the right thing for him, but it still hurt. Until you have to do it, it’s hard to understand how you can grieve so much over doing something that was best for all involved.
I wish you luck. Someday (though it seems impossible right now), you might want another dog, and that dog will be very lucky to have such a caring family.
Thanks all. Yeah, we’re definitely not ready to get another dog anytime soon. We certainly will, but not until that dog gets to be his/her self and not just a faded copy of our previous dog.
So sorry to hear this. I’m still mending from having to do the same thing a little over two weeks ago. I still have one dog and he is getting a lot of extra attention so that has helped. Ours was like yours: He was doing so great and then he went downhill fast.
The hard part was deciding what to do. Our vet sent us to an animal hospital for more tests and an ultrasound. I kind of felt that the vet was trying to sell us on chemo a bit, not exactly a hard sell, but I wasn’t sure it was in the dog’s interests. She told us that we could get another year at about the same level she was at now. Then we had a conversation with our regular vet and my wife’s aunt and they both said that was a pretty optimistic assessment and the aunt (a vet medicine prof at an Ivy) told us that based on what we were telling her, it didn’t look good.
Neither of us were prepared for it, we went from her having an upset stomach to putting her down at what seemed like light speed. Two weeks earlier, our healthy 3 year old cat had died unexpectedly, of what the vet suspects was an undiagnosed heart defect. So we went from two pets in a crowded rowhouse to silence, all in half a month.
My favorite story about Millie was that my nickname for her was ‘girlie-girl’ (stupid, I know). One time our cat at the time came up on my lap and I said “how’s my girlie-girl?” and Millie sat straight up gave me the stink eye and walked out of the room. I swear, I didn’t know a dog could glare.
Everyone is different, humans and dogs alike. I waited as long as I could. I made it 2 weeks. I never thought of my new dog (Gigi) as anything other than herself. I never compared her to Daisy and when your time comes, I doubt that you will either.
So sorry. We put down our 17-year old cat last summer. We had her since she was a kitten. One of the hardest and most heart-wrenching things I’ve ever had to do. I still miss her. Cynthia Rylant’s book Cat Heaven has been very comforting to me. She also wrote the book Dog Heaven, which I imagine is comforting to dog owners.
I’m so sorry. I know exactly how you feel, went thru the same thing with my girlie-girl ( yes, I called her that too, ironic) Fancy in 2005. She threw up a few times, I took her in thinking she’d get meds and be OK, but they found an inoperable tumor… I came home without her.
When I read these stories I get teary, because not only am I sorry for the OP but it makes me think about the inevitable, when my Nathan will cross the bridge.
madmonk28, I am so sorry for your loss of Millie. I really hope we can see beloved pets when we die, as well as family and friends. There was an episode of the Twilight Zone that was on yesterday, concerning a man and his dog who had drowned together. He spoke to gatekeepers at two places. One would not take the dog, but the gatekeeper of Heaven was happy to let the dog in. And I think it was Martin Luther who said it wouldn’t seem like Heaven if there were not dogs.
You did the hardest thing a loving caretaker can. I’ll give my Nathan extra scritches in Millie’s honor.
I’m so sorry for your loss, madmonk. Millie had a great life with you, and I know how hard it is to lose a pet member of the family. You did the right and loving thing, the chemo would have just made her last days painful. ‘virtual hug from a stranger’ - not much help, I know.
