(According to Entertainment Weekly, plans are in the works for a Wizard Of Oz sequel that will take place in New York and star Drew Barrymore as Dorothy.)
(Setting: A New York City psychiatrist’s office. A rather motley assortment of patients is waiting to see the doctor. This assortment includes a scarecrow, a tin man with an axe, a person wearing an obviously fake looking lion costume and a young woman looking to be about 27.)
Voice: (From off screen) Mickie would you send in my next patient please?
Receptionist: Sure. Mr. Scarecrow? Dr. Oz will see you now.
(We see the scarecrow walk towards the doctor’s office door and go inside)
(Dr. Oz’s actual office is pretty bare like many other psychiatrists offices. Except for his desk, which has papers scattered all over it. The Dr. himself is a nearly bald man who has a beard and smokes a pipe. In fact, if he had jet-black hair, he would bear more than a passing resemblance to Joseph Stalin.)
Dr. Oz: Take a seat Mr. Scarecrow. Now what was it that you wanted to see me about?
Scarecrow: Thank you doc. I was sent here to see you because I was told you could help me. That you’re actually certified and that you’re not a quack like that wizard was.
Dr. Oz: Yes I am actually certified. Now what did you need help with Mr. Scarecrow. I’m very busy and I have other clients I need to see.
Scarecrow: I need a brain.
Dr. Oz: A what?
Scarecrow: A brain. That rotten wizard said I already had one. But if I did, then why did I do so badly on Jeopardy? Why did I say that Columbus was the Capital of Nebraska?
Dr. Oz: Now that was a mistake anyone could make Mr. Scarecrow. Now I myself am not totally sure what the capital of Nebraska is-
Receptionist: (From off screen) It’s Lincoln, doc!
Dr. Oz: Thanks Mickie (To the Scarecrow) Anyway Mr. Scarecrow, it’s fairly obvious that you do have a brain. After all, people who have no brain generally don’t worry about someone being certified or reputable.
Scarecrow: Oh I do? Thank you doc! Thank you!
Dr. Oz: You’re welcome Mr. Scarecrow. Anyway I must get to my next patient. You may go now and on your way out please tell Mr. Tin Man that he may come in.
(The Scarecrow leaves. A few minutes later the Tin Man enters.)
Dr. Oz: Excuse me sir. Could you please leave the axe outside?
Tin Man: Sure thing. (He retreats and comes back a minute later minus the axe. Instead he has his oilcan) I need this though. The insurance policy insists that I have it with me at all times. In the event that I should rust, apply a little oil.
Dr. Oz: Okay Mr. Tin Man. Now what did you want to see me about?
Tin Man: I need you to help me doc. According to some people, I have no heart.
Dr. Oz: No heart? But who told you this?
Tin Man: There was this group of people that wear shirts that say things like “Save The Planet”. They came around where I was doing my job and told me I was a heartless demon for cutting down those poor trees.
(At this point, the Tin Man is on the verge of bursting into tears. He goes on)
Tin Man: (Blubbering) I don’t want to be a heartless demon doc! I want to be a good, productive member of society!
Dr. Oz: Look Mr. Tin Man. It’s okay. You are not a heartless demon; you were just doing your job. Those people were just shouting their usual slogans. Don’t let them bother you.
Tin Man: So you’re saying that I do have a heart?
Dr. Oz: Yes Mr. Tin Man you do have a heart.
Tin Man: Oh thank you doc!
Dr. Oz: You’re welcome. And would you please send Dorothy in next?
Tin Man: You bet!
(Dorothy enters)
Dr. Oz: Have a seat Ms. Gale.
Dorothy: But weren’t you supposed to see the Cowardly Lion next?
Dr. Oz: He can wait. Since all I apparently have to do is tell him that his courage level is fine and that anybody would be scared if confronted by a Mohawk wearing, pistol wielding mugger on the streets of New York. So Ms. Gale, what did you want to see me about?
Dorothy: My home. I need to get back there because Aunt Em and Uncle Henry will be worried. And Toto needs his shots soon. Oh I hope he’s okay. Your receptionist made me leave him outside. What a mean horrible witch!
Dr. Oz: I’m sorry Ms. Gale. It’s office policy. Now how did you get here from your home in Kansas?
Dorothy: Oh I was just on my farm in Kansas one day when this man came along and said he had a part for me in a movie about an alien. So I accepted. That shoot went okay.
Dr. Oz: But what happened next Ms. Gale?
Dorothy: Some mysterious witch called Gracie the good came along. She said “one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all”. So I followed her advice and the next thing I knew I was in New York and I saw this witch who was not so good at all. In fact she was mean. She says I have to pay her back all the money I owe her in a week or Toto will be skinned.
Dr. Oz: So you say you saw a witch on the streets of New York?
Dorothy: Yes I did Dr. So now I need to get back home where this witch won’t find Toto and I.
Dr Oz: I think I can help you. (Picks up his phone). Mickie. Please arrange transportation for Ms. Gale to the Kansas Home Psychiatric Rehabilitation and Detoxification Center. And arrange for her dog to be impounded during her stay. (Hangs up). Thank you Ms. Gale. Now just go outside in my waiting room and the people will soon be there to take you home. And send the cowardly lion in please.