Weapons grade Awesomeness! (Long!)

Several years ago I had the great good fortune to come into reunion with the daughter I surrendered to adoption 28yrs prior. It was a whirlwind, it was frightening and it was truly magical. She is beautiful and accomplished and everything anyone could ever wish for, honestly. (I would love nothing more than to gush on about her stellar accomplishments of late, truly into the thin air of her profession. Alas you are all so literate, it would be too simple for some to ascertain her actual identity.)

We fell instantly in love, in a wildly, madly and truly unique way.

All of which was made possible, I am convinced, because of the home she was raised in, her parents are very evolved people. She once shared with me that she had often been reminded, growing up, of the importance I played in the formation of their family. (I know, right?)

But largely our reunion has been about us. She sees my husband, I’ve spoken on the phone with, and had lunch with, her parents, we’ve met a few of each other’s friends, etc, but have been mostly focused on each other. And our friends and family, while joyous for us both, have enjoyed following along. And it’s been a great ride!

Four months ago she became engaged to a wonderful young man, and we were truly enchanted to be included in her special day. I could never have dreamed or fantasized about such a thing coming to pass, and yet, here it was.

Twice I offered to her, in conversation, that I needn’t attend if it was causing the slightest conflict or distress to her family or self with the planning etc. I wouldn’t detract from her Mom’s Mother of the Bride moment, for the world. And honestly, I am still so enchanted that I will share in all the other days of her life that I could miss this one. But no, I was assured, each time, that all was well and they wanted us there.

So the wedding looms. I, a less than girly girl, will attend with stylish and worldy, literati. But no need to fear, my girlfriends step in and, before you know it, I have a fancy dress, new hair cut, mani, pedi, brow and glorious girly shoes! At this point you might think I was ready.

But how can I really be ready? These are her entire extended family, closest friends and colleagues, all of whom, know of and about me, but have never met me. And while my spirit soars whenever I introduce her as my daughter, should we be out walking, in my city, and meet friends, it’s a whole other thing to refer to her as my daughter in the very room with her parents. And then, were that not enough, there is the whole ‘birthmother’ word. While fully accurate, we don’t use it much and strikes my ear not unlike spermdonor.

As the event nears I grow ever more nervous. Well, nervous doesn’t quite begin to describe it. Largely all the people there are going to be curious to meet me, maybe they have expectations, and I’m just simple little me!

(Word, those glorious and girly shoes really helped. They made me bigger, so I felt a little less small. And they forced me to stand very straight which also helped, I think.)

As we got into the car, dressed in our finery, I thought I might throw up I was so very nervous. As we step into the venue, I, literally thought I was having a stroke. I couldn’t breath and felt like I would surely pass out any second.

We are not inside, milling with the crowd, for but a moment, when a women strikes up a conversation with us, her second sentence is; “So, how do you know Bride & Groom?”

My mouth is now dry, my vision is beginning to get sparkly around the edges and I think I may actually have some sort of seizure. Mr Elbows, seeing I cannot breathe or speak, begins, “Well, actually…” and waves off to me! Somehow I manage to very slowly say, “Well…actually…I…am…her…”, right about here I’m pretty sure there was a break in the space time continuum, could have been a minute, could have been an hour, and I just spit it out, “…birthmother!”

And this wonderful woman went from being pleasant and reservedly chatty, in one smooth and instantaneous movement, to a great big happy, “Oh…Aah” on her face and lips and a giant bear hug embrace. And the sky did not fall, I did not have a stroke, or seizure. We both were tearing up at this point and the mister stepped in to say, “It’s too early for tears ladies we just arrived!” And we moved along. And I could breathe again. And that wonderful woman, turned out to be the Mother of the Groom!

The seats we found our way to, for the ceremony, were located in such a way that her and I got to see each other before she actually stepped into the room. I wept through it all, it was beautiful and fitting and lovely in every aspect.

A while later, her mother came, to take me by the hand, to meet her large Cape Breton family, lots of sisters and cousins, they were sitting all in a long row in one room. Once again, time seemed to stand still and I thought, “Oh here’s where I stroke out!”, I had been warned they could be cool-ish by nature. As we approached from across the room, in conversation, the way people do, they glanced up at us, a couple of times, in an indifferent sort of way. But the undivided intensity of the looks that I faced once my identity was revealed to them was something to see, I tell you. They looked at me like they were trying to see inside me. And the love flowed, the ooohing and aahing, the bear hugging, the compliments. It was overwhelming, truly.

The room was filled with significant people, curious people. Her parents were magnificent, seeking to introduce us to their family and trying, very hard, to put us at ease. (Like that’s possible!) I can barely remember anyone’s name, I’m sure I said nothing terribly intelligent or clever. In fact, I hardly remember anything I said to anyone. It was largely the same encounter, in various forms, over and over. I was bear hugged a lot. A lot. The bear hug was always followed by how wonderful she is and how proud I must be of her etc. Who doesn’t want to spend an evening listening to everyone coo praise for the one you adore?

Then dinner, and speeches, all wonderful. Then dancing, I got to dance with her and was even in the wedding photos! We stood embracing each other on the dance floor and cooing love for each other, and gratitude, it is to swoon. For once it wasn’t us who was teary eyed!

And then it was time to go, we said our goodbyes to parents, her and handsome groom. As we stepped out of the venue to await a cab, the air refreshed me, but my head and my heart were overwhelmed by the events of the evening. I was spent, truly beyond really speaking or chatting. I am walking in a daze of bliss, like a drunken woman!

At the curb Mr Elbows has stuck up a conversation with an older couple also waiting on a ride, they are a little reserved and staid in appearance and in manner. Honestly I’m barely listening to any of them, the events of the evening still swimming in my consciousness. For maybe 5 mins they chat and I am lost in my own world. Through the fog I hear this woman’s voice, as she turns to address me directly for the first time, “So how do you know Bride and Groom?” Life’s a big circle, you have to admit. So I say my bit and, on cue, a big “Oh!” followed by, “I have to hug you!”. As she was hugging me she was telling me how much it meant to everyone that I came, how glad they were. Then she went on to tell me how much it meant to my daughter and how much she truly loves me! Just when you think you are blissed out the universe serves you up another portion.

It was too awesome to put into words, truly. It was all kinds of wonderful wrapped in bliss and joy and open heartedness.

Of course I got no sleep that night, I was just spinning from it. Slept a couple of hours on the drive home, next day, but was still sleep deprived and walking on air when I got there. Hubby went out, I crawled onto my bed with my dog and put on an old movie that I clearly couldn’t concentrate on. But, I thought, if I just stay still, rest will come and maybe a nap. Just when it was finally upon me the phone rang and it was her!

She was calling to tell me how pleased everyone was to meet me, how much they liked me and to heap hordes of other unworthy compliments upon me. Sleep? Yeah, that’s not going to happen now, too all wound up again just to hear her voice and her joy and pleasure.

During that conversation she was telling me how, she had to banish her Dad from her side, a couple of times, for saying such beautiful things, as to make her weep. She would tell him to stop and send him from the room for a time! At one point he came up to her and said, “Isn’t it amazing that one brave decision, over thirty years ago could lead to all the love in this room?” (I know! I’m weeping just typing it now!) That’s what she had told me to reassure me before hand, “Don’t worry it’s going to be a room full of love!” And it was.

It was definitely a truly unique experience. And a watershed moment in our lives.

But, mostly, it was all kinds of awesome!

Wow. Just, wow. Your post has me in tears. It’s so easy to get caught up in minutiae and tiny local struggles, and you’ve reminded me of what is important.

God almighty elbows. I am in tears as well. I know it can’t have been easy to give her up, and you must have spent years wondering how she was doing and how she would turn out. You have been repaid a hundredfold for your beautiful, selfless act. Enjoy your reward! :slight_smile:

I think I have some lint in my eye…

What a wonderful thing to read!
Thank you for sharing it, and so beautifully too.

Congratulations, to both you and your daughter. I’m very glad that I read your post.

Absolutely stunning! Thank you for sharing this and letting us share in your joy. This was one of the best things I have read in a long time.

I love your thread! I’m very happy for all of you!

Little dusty over here at El Rancho Malario. Thanks for sharing so honestly and eloquently.

elbows, that’s one of the most wonderful and moving things I’ve read in a long time. Congrats to all of you!

Thanks so much for all the kinds words, but mostly, thanks for sharing in all the awesomeness!

I thought I would surely burst from the joy of it all if I didn’t share!

I have had a most unproductive day today. I am struggling to find the words to compose a thank you note to both these families. Argggh!


Two tiny little words.
They just seem so inadequate really.

On the other hand, I have brought every female, and a few male, friends to tears with the story of the awesomeness.

And you know what? There were easily a half dozen other heart stopping moments I didn’t include in my OP, still swimming around in my head and my heart.

Like her Mom, conspiratorially whispering to me that, “There’s a lot of you in her!”, or, her Dad and I trying to out thank each other like a couple of Chinese waiters! I swear every single time I see or speak to him his first words are; “Thank you!”
Which never fails to make me teary!

I also vaguely remember saying, “Seriously, how lucky am I?” About a zillion times!

You are a very lucky woman indeed! We have adopted two little girls (sisters) and we’ve experienced many awesome moments although their birth parents will never be a part of their lives again.

We’ve spent some time around your part of the world (in Palmyra, New York) for a few weeks during the past two Julys and have made good friends who live in Nova Scotia and Newfoundland. Your’s is a most beautiful part of the world (in the summertime!) and we’d like to spend more time there.

It would appear that the people are as lovely as the scenery!

What a lovely post! And what a wonderful evening.

Well done you :slight_smile:

Thank you for posting this. I’m a guy and I have to tell you I teared up reading your OP. It’s so beautiful. It is serious awesomeness. You’ve found new fundamental sub-atomic particles of awesome, and have made an awesome universe out of them. (Why, yes, I am a geek. But you’re sooooo awesome!)

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. I hope the young couple choose to have offspring - the world could stand to be populated with more class.

I’m just curious, has your daughter met her “birth father” also?

Keep walking on sunshine for as long as you can - your night was “the stuff dreams are made on”.

She has not. And I knew nothing of him, when we came into reunion.

I could tell you it was a seriously dysfunctional relationship between us, but that would be hugely understating things. I felt fortunate to be away from him, and keeping him away from both of us, but mostly her, figured prominently in my decision regarding adoption.

Of course, this was, by far, THE most difficult thing to reveal to her once in reunion. I left out the gory details but no amount of wishing it were otherwise, or minimizing, or positive spin, can change the truth. I had to be honest, I had to be authentic, even if it negatively coloured her opinion of him. But, we made it through. I left it up to her, of course, to do as she chose in regards to him.

Since then we have learned a little about him. Married, two kids, lovely home, by profession - (hope you’re sitting down) - heads a large private detective agency! So, while we may be selfish in keeping it about us, I have to believe that he has likely followed her progress all along. I’m certain he must be aware, at a minimum, that she is happy, successful and well loved and cared for.

I expect, (but am just guessing), that she assumes pretty much the same. And perhaps she feels it has been enough for him to know that, or, perhaps he does not want to explain her to his current family. Or, maybe, he fears that I have revealed more about him, to her, than he can face, or explain. Beyond the barest details, I have not, but I understand how he could fear this.

Just today, while repeating the story of the awesomeness, yet again, my husband piped up with a little addition. It seems he noticed, on several occasions, people openly staring and/or pointing at me, or coming over to check me out, as it were. People are understandably curious, wouldn’t you be? Of course I noticed none of this, thank heavens, being way too busy trying not to have a stroke and all.

And, I have it on very good authority, that a baby will be high on the agenda. In fact, the groom was pressing to get one into the oven before the day, as it were. However, the bride, very wisely, pointed out that wedding planning and execution is extremely stressful and a glass of wine, from time to time, may be required to make it through to the big day.

Of course, at this very moment, they are enjoying a private cottage on a Hawaiian beach, so, seriously, how long will I really have to wait? I waited 28 yrs, after all, nine months is nothing to me.

Thanks again for all the congratulations. I am kind of proud of myself for not stroking out, as it were!