Wedding rant of anger and annoyance

The BBQ Pit
21

I hated wedding planning and was frankly pretty ungracious about it. See, I just wanted to get married, on the beach, with the officiant, and two random people who happened to be at the beach as witnesses. I really didn’t care to have anyone at my wedding, just wanted a really, really tiny ceremony.

Of course this deeply offended my parents.

So I pretty much threw the wedding planning to them, and as ungraciously as possible I think: If you want a damn reception, YOU handle it.
All in all, it was lovely, very small, intimate, and unfussy. My parents have great taste and it wasn’t a big to-do. I do wish I’d been unstressed enough about it not to be rude - but I thought of all people my mother, who was pressured into a church wedding, would understand my desire to do things my own way.

Good luck. Weddings really aren’t designed for those of us who just don’t care about the rehearsal dinner centerpiece :wink: but you’ll get through. And break a leg. I’m sure the play will be awesome too. Can’t imagine having both things going on at once so kudos to you for staying relatively calm!

22

I want to get married in full plate and a nice zwei-hander with my wife wearing a a kimono and an oversized bow. And the best man dresed like a Zulu warrior.

If nothing else, all the guests will be very intimidated by everyone walking around with vicious weaponry. :smiley:

23

Mr2U and I just went low key. About as low key as one could get. We got married at the Rolling Meadows Courthouse (you could tell who was the groom - he WASN’T in handcuffs) and then went to Trackside (OTB and Restaurant across the street) for a lunch reception. My family and his - total of 10 people. Mr2U won more than the entire shindig cost with his first bet on the first race. :smiley:

24

MMMkay. I called them myself. GWSBBMBBMFSRCTOW said he’d have his wife measure him that night and email the sizes to Bird Man today. “Best Man” mumbled something or other about getting it taken care of. I made sure “Best Man” knew that if we don’t get his sizes by Friday, he doesn’t get a tux. I’m secretly hoping he doesn’t get it in so I can throw a fit and get him out of the ceremony. That would be sweet.

I talked to Mom last night–now she’s worried that I’m not excited enough about the wedding. She said “Maybe in 24 years when your daughter is getting married you will be excited.” No, actually if my daughter gets married in 24 years I will be pissed the hell off, since she probably won’t be older than 19. :smiley: Anyway, I’m pretty immune to her guilt by now. But it still torks me off good.

Anyway! Keep the stories coming, good and bad! I love to hear them!

25

This is the wedding party for my sister’s wedding. She got maried on April 9th of this year.

They had two maids of honor (I was one, a cousin the other) and two best men. Then there were five other bridesmaids, and five other groomsmen. Then the flower girl and the ring bearer.

The maid of honor dress (the black and white one) cost three times what the wedding gown did.

My sister invited 36 people. The groom invited over 150. Including the parents of friends he had not seen since high school. He is nearly 30 years old.

When the RSVPs were done, they had 96 people say that they were coming. Of course, they pre-paid for the food for this number.

About 40 people came to the actual wedding.

About 60 came to the reception, meaning that 36 people decided not to come after going out of their way to say that they WOULD be coming - and my sister had paid $22 for each of the meals that they would not be eating. Not one of them had called and made their appologies - before or after.

Of the 60 or so that DID come, more than 20 left immediately after the meal - DURING the first dance, and before the cake.

The most people on the dance floor at any time was 8. Two of those were my wife and I. Not one single groomsman danced even once. Of the bridesmaids, my other sister and my cousin danced occationally. This made me mad, because my gift to the couple was the DJ of their choice… and this guy cost me more than $600.

When the party was over at 9, the only people left there to do cleanup was my mom and stepdad, my wife and I, and the bride and groom. We sent them home.

The groom’s parents were staying at my sister’s house for the night before and the night of the wedding. Jess and her husband were staying in a hotel room that my stepdad bought them. The grooms parents don’t drive. This means that the groom spent the weekend ferrying around his mom, dad, three sisters, one nephew, and two of the sister’s boyfriends. Because none of them drive, and they always demand rides. Now, I don’t drive either, but I would sooner pull my toenails out with a fork than make other people go out of their way to cart my sorry ass around.

The groom paid for his sister’s dresses, but not Jess’s sister’s dresses. Also, he told her that his three sisters and one neice had to be bridesmaids - when Jess asked if my wife could be a groomsman, he said no, because that’s “weird”. He also said that my wife couldn’t be in the wedding party at all if she didn’t wear a dress (which she never, never does). Not even if she wore a very flowy formal pantsuit.

His family managed somehow to lose the key to Jess’s house on the wedding day. The groom got them a room at the same hotel that they were staying in for the wedding night. The groom’s father called their room fifteen minutes after they got in to ask if they had any Pepsi. Ten minutes after that, he knocked on their door, draging the rest of the family, and stayed until 2:30 am, even after repeated “suggestions” that they leave.

After they got back to the house, Jess found that someone had gone through all of her clothes drawers, she had some pictures missing, the groom’s nephew had trashed her son’s playroom and drawn all over the walls in his bedroom. No one had made any effort to clean any of it up.

I am never-never-never going to be a part of another wedding - ever. I am so glad that for our CU the wife and I just got a qualified friend to give us vows and sign with two friends to witness. This “wedding” stuff is just crap.

26

Since you asked for them…

I got married last August. Wanted it to be more of a party - not corny, ornate, overwhelming, or bank breaking. We wanted it to be about the two of us getting married - not everything is about the bride. Hired a wedding planner thinking that if a little bit of $$ will help save me some headaches, it’s worth it. So I thought… My mom or the MIL didn’t cause any headaches - it was the wedding planner!

She ended up making the whole process more difficult than it ever needed to be. For starters, she had no regard for our budget - we just didn’t want to spend every dime we had on the wedding!! It was a constant fight keeping her reigned in. Not to mention that every meeting with her was an ordeal - she was always late, would keep you forever talking about everything under the sun, and generally making things more difficult. In the midst of it all - I really, really, wished we’d just run off.

But some good things happened:

  1. Wedding Planner introduced me to Invitation Lady - whom I’ve used for multiple things now, and have become great friends with!
  2. My parents (divorced since I was 5) and step-parents and the in-laws all got along famously at the showers and rehearsals. Now they all behave as if they are the best of friends!!
  3. The wedding was a blast, and I managed to ‘let everything go’ for the day of and just enjoy myself and MrMonkey. We had a wonderful time, and everyone who came says it was one of the most beautiful, simple, sweet, and fun weddings they’ve been to.
  4. I’ve managed to ‘forget’ some of the hassles and ordeals of the planning process, and just focus on the lovely memories I ended up with.

I hope yours turns out beautifully - and you enjoy what it’s really all about!!

27

Submarine service. We made a run under the icecap that fall. Also I misspoke. It was a three-month mission, not six.

Still, way dark.

28

Mrs. Lacha & myself got married on a beach on a small-ish island near our house. The beach was private (we didn’t know that), but the Justice of the Peace who married us knew the folks who owned it & got their permission.
At the wedding were my parents, one of my wife’s close friends and my best friend since 3rd grade. And the J o’P, of course. The beach owners, an older couple, watched the 5-minute ceremony from their porch and held hands.
Afterwards, we went back to Our Rented House In The Woods With A Huge Deck and had a barbecue. We bade everyone to bring food, not presents. Some obliged, some didn’t, everyone brought beer and/or ice, and we partied 'til 4 in the morning.

We both had to be at work, early, the next day.

29

Why don’t you just live your life for yourself, instead of focusing so much energy on proving them wrong, and showing them up? You’re renting them space in your head, and it’s draining you. Live life for yourself, not to prove to others you are worthy. If they love you, they will learn how to show it, and how to accept you as you are. (I do think they love you, but they need to grow spiritually. Don’t let their inability to accept their child as a seperate being weigh you down. I speak from experience here, except it’s not my parents, it’s my much older brothers who do this. They are old enough to have been quite young teenage parents to me, and they can’t see me as an adult with her own life. One is particularily bad, to the point of trying to browbeat me into voting the way he thought I should.) Don’t waste anymore effort proving them to be jerks, just go on and do what you love to do, and do it well. That’s the best thing you can do.
Gravity :eek: :eek: :eek: I can’t believe that whole family could be so oblivious. Good lord, I don’t blame you a bit. Did your sister ever get her pictures back? Were any clothes missing? I’d have taken pictures of the mess, and maybe taken them to court to repair the damages and get the pictures back, after all that they did. Then again, I might have been so exhausted, and drained, and just not wanted anything more to do with them afterwards too. Especially considering what trouble taking them to court could make. Give my sympathy to your sister for her ordeal.

30

I’ve always believed that your basic high five-figure bells-and-whistles wedding is primarily for the parents, more so if there’s a lot of aunts/uncles/cousins and other assorted relatives involved. Each of my husband’s siblings had such a wedding. They’re also still happily married, btw.

Our wedding was planned within a month, thanks to the sale of the building where my now-husband was living, as well as my mother’s illness. We didn’t have time to send out invitations or plan a reception. We also had a very tight budget.

My wedding dress was/is an ivory cocktail suit I got on sale for $100. SO and his brothers/best men wore their best dress suits. The ceremony was <i>gratis</i> because we had it at the college where SO matriculated, music provided by current students. My MOH owns a large rambling Victorian with a huge backyard and knew somebody who’d cater the reception for under $500.

The result? An intimate semi-formal wedding with about 30 guests. We danced to MOH’s hubby’s CD collection. The kids got to run around outside. We had deli platters, chicken pesto, roast beef, salad, and wedding cake. Oh, and champagne, of course :wink:

My in-laws still haven’t forgiven us for not having the big blow-out they were expecting. In a way I’m very happy because even if we did have time to plan, there was no way we could’ve afforded to have every single person on their guest list.

But hey, it was <i>our</i> wedding. C’est la vie. We just celebrated out second anniversary yesterday :slight_smile:

31

Actually, she was giddy enough throughout the party that she didn’t notice anything wrong - my wife and I worked hard to encourage that.

As for the groom’s family, well, she just decided that it wasn’t worth it to persue the matter, but they are never coming to her house again.

After being exposed to that little demon of a nephew of his, I think they’re already being punished for anything they’ve done wrong… or might think of doing.

Jess is still more than a bit weirded out at how they pawed through her underwear - they left it all over.

32

Well, we had our lovely, expensive wedding last September, and honestly, while we initially wanted to go to Vegas (but Vegas ended up with a guest list of about 75 anyway - all of our family and friends immediately started planning the trip when we said we wanted to go) , it ended up being one of the most beautiful days of our lives. We loved it - when else will you have everyone in your life you love and who loves you, family and friends, in one place? Yes, my parents paid for most of it (they insisted, were offended when we wanted to pay, and did not go into debt for it), but my mom was the one who insisted on the Saturday night, full open bar, dinner reception. We tried for the Sunday brunch with wine and beer.

Yes, I know, because we had a huge wedding, we’re bound to get divorced in a year :rolleyes: , but after eight happy months, we’re having a great marriage. We’re more in love now than we were on our wedding day, and we’re pretty damn sure it’s going to last because dammit, we work hard at our relationship. The planning sucked ass - I honestly thought I was going to have to disown my mother a couple of times - but when the day arrived, I forgot everything except the fact I was marrying my guy. I’m not a princessy-type girl, and never have been, but I have to admit, it was nice to be the center of attention for once in my life. My husband and I had a great time (well, I did fall and break my hand at the wedding, but that’s just typical me - I’m a klutz), and we did love it. No, it wasn’t our ideal, but it turned out much better than we ever expected. We tailored most of it to us - we wrote the ceremony with a handfasting, no bouquet or garter toss, mostly Big Band and Swing music (we HATE disco). It was our day, and we let our personalities come through - that was what we wanted.

Just breathe. Get through the planning as best you can, scream into pillows, whatever you need to de-stress. The day will come, and more than likely, you’ll have a blast, and more importantly, you’ll be married to your guy. I sort of compare it to what my friends tell me about childbirth - you’ll forget the pain of wedding planning when you say I do. (Actually, probably not, but it sounds good:D).

Anyway, the fact is, we spent our entire wedding day smiling and we’re still smiling. That’s what matters the most to us.

E.

33

Thanks, Zabali_Clawbane. I’m resolved to just let them be for now. It’s just hard. But your words of encouragement were just what I needed.
Thanks!

34

Nothing wrong with a huge wedding, if that’s what the parties involved want. Not “think they should have”, want.

But Mr Neville and I are not only 1/3 as married as some other couple because we only spent 1/3 as much on our wedding as they did on theirs. Nor does the cost of the wedding have anything to do with the quality or length of a marriage.

35

I’m getting married in… 372 days. :smiley:

We’re doing the Justice of the Peace thing, several days before a big party for everyone we’ve ever met. Total cost will be between $5000 and $8000, depending on the break we get on our booze. Food and drink are NOT negotiable, but everything else is. :slight_smile:

Neither of us dress up, nor do we dance. We’re trying to keep it like “us” and not like “everyone says you should…”

36

My parents hated my fiancé so much at first that I eloped without telling them about it.

Of course, we didn’t go anywhere but the courthouse to get the certificate, and then a friend of ours who is an ordained non-Christian minister married us by the river here, and I had to start my new job the next day.

They didn’t find out until several days later. They have come around, though it’s taken several months. My dad gets along fine with my husband now, and my mother…she’s getting better. My sister liked my fiancé from the first.

We’ve been married nearly a year, and we love each other dearly. :slight_smile:

37

I don’t think that the size of the wedding has anything to do with the marriage quality - however, I’m a little tired of the comments of “Well, someone I knew had a $50,000 wedding, and they were divorced within six months!”. It’s not cause and effect - and I’ve seen it presented as such quite a few times. It gets a little tiresome.

We didn’t necessarily want the big wedding, we did it to make my parents happy (his wanted Vegas). But at the end, we were married, and we were happy, and we’d had a beautiful wedding. And now we have a happy, healthy marriage. That’s pretty much what everyone deserves out of their wedding, big or small, whatever. That’s what I was trying to say.

E.

38

At the risk of a hijack this made me grin from ear to ear :slight_smile:

39

I will never in a million years understand how people can go to the reception, but not the ceremony. To me, that’s like saying, “I don’t give a damn about the spiritual aspect of the event - just give me the food and booze!”

40

If more people focused on the actual marriage rather than the wedding, maybe over 50% of marriages wouldn’t end in divorce. The women at my office are all about showing off their humungous diamond engagement rings and bragging about their weddings, etc. I just don’t get it. With some of them, I haven’t even heard them mention their fiance’s name.

I’m engaged too, but there’s no way on earth I would put that much emphasis on the wedding. I’d rather go to the justice of the peace and have a nice honeymoon. Forget the big budget production. It’s supposed to be about love and committment, not about how much money you can spend and how stressful it can be. The wedding is one day, the marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime.

Just my .02.