I’ve been hanging around wedding planning sites a lot lately, and I’m starting to wonder if these women are all crazy or if I’m just the least feminine woman to ever live. Does it really matter if you don’t have the Love stamps to put on your invitations? Is it really reasonable to expect five of your friends to shell out $200 each for a dress for your big day? Does it matter that every tiny detail isn’t exactly how you’d always dreamed it would be? Do people really dream about their weddings for their entire lives? Did I miss a memo somewhere during puberty? Will my ovaries be revoked if I don’t start obsessing over this sort of stuff?
Or am I just looking at a skewed sample of people? Are there other women out there who don’t care if the groom’s grandmother’s corsage exactly matches the bouttonierre of the usher who seats her?
I could not agree more. I missed the same memo(s) that you missed because I didn’t care about most of these things.
My only wish (other than for hubby to show up and for everyone to have a good time) was not to be puked or bled on.
I think the wedding went off great. My mom and his mom did not coordinate outfits (gasp!) My bridesmaids wore whatever shoes they wanted to. I budgeted in to pay for the bm’s dresses and made sure that everyone liked them. (slinky navy blue dresses. very cute. My 16 year old neice told me she was going to wear it to the prom!)
Don’t worry about those sites…often the advice is horrible!
I dunno, my fiancee thinks the whole wedding planning thing is crap. At first, she was all excited about planning; from the centerpieces on the table to the catering (from Panda Express, the chinese food joint at the mall’s food court). But we’ve been having trouble with finding a place to get married (we refuse to do the whole traditional chapel/church thing), among other things. And the cost, well, with all the other crap we’re paying for, and the fact that no one will help us, is prohibitive.
So guess what? We’re going to elope. Everyone we know has told us to do this already, and we were thinking about it already. Eloping is no less romantic than a huge wedding, hell, with all the running away and throwing caution to the wind business, it could be even more romantic. And you could still have a reception in case the family wants to be involved.
So don’t worry, CatLady, you’re not, uh, Crazy, or unfeminine. My fiancee agrees, and so do entire hordes of other women.
[stupid question] Are you actually getting married? [/stupid question] If so, congrats, and good luck, whatever you decide.
You are note alone! I’m just starting down this horrible, frilly path and I’ve decided to scrap the whole thing and have a BBQ! I just got my wedding dress from eBay (what can’t eBay do?), it’s a fabulous Hawaiian print dress from the 50’s. Future hubby is delighted that he gets to wear Hawaiian shirt (or a t-shirt with a tuxedo printed on it, but I think he’s leaning toward the Hawaiian number).
My maid of honor, who can wear whatever she pleases - so long as she doesn’t look quite as good as I do - bought me one of those bridal magazines that tells you about all kinds of rules and etiquette. We read it and laughed and laughed. What a load of hooey! The whole mess seems like it’s designed to make the bride-to-be (not to mention all those around her) a miserable, stressed-out wreck. How are you supposed to enjoy the lavish party you’re throwing if you’ve just spent the last 6 months crying about shoes and centerpieces and cakes?!?
Forget it, sister! Give me a keg of beer, a plate of pulled pork and call me Mrs.!
Mrs. Pessor and I eloped three years ago. Regrets? Nope.
Not a one. Three people, Provincetown, in the ocean up to our knees, one bride, one groom, one JP. A roll of B&W film, a bottle of chilled Caymus, some cool glasses we bought at a great store, two rings, a sunset and a memory for us that will last our lifetime.
We did it for us.
Then we bought a house and got a puppy. Named him Caymus! Had we thrown a big expensive wedding there would be no house and no puppy yet. I like the other ending better!
Good for you guys! I’d think a casual wedding/BBQ wedding/Hawaiian wedding would be much more memorable, if nothing else because it’s unique.
We had the ritzy traditional number and it was a shitload of pressure to do everything right and stay clean. Bah. My Mum in law didn’t mind doing all the planning but I’d rather have worn just about anything else, save burlap.
I’m with you on this one, it’s YOUR day so make yourself happy and do whatever floats yer boat.
I logged in today thinking about posting a thread asking for advice on this very same dilemma.
I’ve been engaged for a grand total of two weeks now, and we’re starting to discuss our plans for the actual hitching ceremony.
We are in agreement that we have to have:
Casual dress. We don’t want the guests in jeans and grubby t-shirts, but not in suits and ties, either. Jeans and a button down are OK with us, and the women can wear whatever they are comfortable in, since they generally have a little more leeway in attire for these sorts of occasions anyway. No sequins, though.
wedding party in jacket & tie, and street dresses (wedding party may also consist only of bride and groom, btw)
open bar
no rec-hall festooned with ivy and monarch butterflies and centerpieces with Japanese fighting fish. We’re hoping for a low-key reception at our favorite brew pub.
headcount under 50 people
civil ceremony
But wouldn’t you know it, the wedding guides and websites are completely geared toward the big poofy white dress and tuxes with tails with 12 attendents on each side.
So where’s a Motorgirl to turn for advice?
Aaaaargh!!!
Wu-ha for DeskMonkey. Sounds like you’re going to have a fab time getting married. Dunno what I want for a getting-married-party, but I’m sure as hell not the type to have things just because the wedding industry thinks I should.
Damn, Motorgirl, that sounds familiar. Geobabe and I are gittin hitched three months from tomorrow, and there will be three people working and the rest are guests. The two of us and the minister are the workers. Everyone else is there to enjoy the occasion. She and I will be attired in fairly traditional garb, the tux for me, the long white dress for her, but the group is under 60, the reception is on a chartered catamaran sailboat, and while socks are recommended, they are not required. It’s in Key West. I’d like to introduce you to our Wedding Planner. Me. And the intended, too.
Keep in mind who underwrites these wedding contraptions. The WEDDING INDUSTRY!!! Like who keeps up diamond prices and tells guys to spend two or three months’ salary? The DIAMOND INDUSTRY!!!
Trust me, UncleBill, I know full well the whole thing’s a business, and a rip-off at that. Especially the flowers, headpieces, and veils. They charge you $70 for $1.50 of tulle stuck to a plastic hair comb, for crying out loud. And those are the bargain basement ones. It’s ridiculous, but after a while you start to wonder if you’re the only one who thinks so. I mean, these places are filled with people who think $150 is really cheap for an ugly bridesmaid dress you’ll never wear again.
To all you who had non-traditional weddings: good for you! We’re throwing out all the stuff that means nothing to us, but we’re leaving a huge crowd of horrified friends, relatives, and vendors in our wake. Actually, my wedding diary on one of these sites is titled “You want to do WHAT?!” since that pretty much sums up most of the reactions we get to our plans.
My parents had a very small wedding. My Dad wore a brown pinstripe suit and my mum wore a black suit and a black hat. He looked like a footballer and she looked like a film star. Most glamorous wedding photos I’ve ever seen, taken in the high street outside the registry office by a friend of theirs.
We did the whole big fancy, frilly wedding thing, and had a great time. It is what worked for us. Our big requirements:
BMaid’s dresses: Hadda be matching colors. Two of them were very pregnant. The wife foung some red velvet off the rack from Marshall Field’s for $90. All wore them again.
Band: No way. We wanted a DJ.
Good Booze open bar: We would serve balogna sammiches if necessary.
Tails for the groomsmen: I am tall and look good in tails, so there.
No seating arrangement at the reception: Nuff said.
Do whatever works for you. I know people who paid for 5 friends each to fly to the Bahamas with them for the ceremony. It was still cheaper than having a full wedding.
My mom wants to throw a huge wedding for my sister (only girl and last of 4 kids) and my sister will, I’m sure, be happy to oblige if mom pays for it. My dad has offered her $10,000 to elope.
We had a semi-traditional but VERY SMALL wedding. My main bit of advice, whether for a traditional or non-traditional, is to get a good photographer. Good doesn’t necessarily mean expensive, but it might. I think it’s worth it to have a high-quality record of the event.
CrazyCatLady, if you are crazy it’s the good kind. My best friend got married in the first week of September last year. It was a courthouse ceremony, with a wedding dinner of pizza in a state park afterwards. I was her only attendant, so we both wore formal-ish gowns, and her groom wore a tux, but the other guests were the archaeologists she works with. The reception was held at the weekend where the two of them went to college and I still live. This was a bit more formal, but still pretty low key. Flowers for the wedding were $30 USD from the grocery store; for the reception, $50 from a street vendor, and they looked gorgeous!.
As for me, when and if such a day comes, my main concern (after the religious aspects) will be that everyone who attends has a good time. I don’t care what people wear, and I can’t imagine fussing about colors. I’ll leave the expensive and fancy stuff to the people it matters to.
Oh dear, I must be the most unromantic person in the world! I really couldn’t be bothered with the time or expense so just had a quickie registery office wedding. Cheap date!
My mum was a bit upset, so I graciously allowed her to buy me a new kitchen instead
RedDevil, I love it! I’ve actually seen people offer their daughter a down payment on a house instead of the whole wedding deal, and get turned down. I was just flabbergasted. I mean, one day versus a lower mortgage payment for the next 15 to 30 years? Come on!
I totally agree CrazyCatLady. Of course, just because I consider weddings to be a waste of money doesn’t mean others do. I have thousands of books; I’m sure some people would think that was a waste of money.
Ah, I remember buying my copy of Pride and Prejudice, 'appiest day of my life it were.
- bought me one of those bridal magazines that tells you about all kinds of rules and etiquette. We read it and laughed and laughed. What a load of hooey! The whole mess seems like it’s designed to make the bride-to-be (not to mention all those around her) a miserable, stressed-out wreck. How are you supposed to enjoy the lavish party you’re throwing if you’ve just spent the last 6 months crying about shoes and centerpieces and cakes?!?