It’s just a big, fun dinner party. No need to get myself all tied up in knots about stuff. Like, for example, hairdressers that want to charge me $25 to put my hair up in a comb for a trial run, and $35 on top of that to put some make-up on me for a trial run (and trial runs themselves being kind of important, because I think it’s pretty important to know what kind of work I’m going to be paying upwards of $80 for on the big day itself).
Or caterers that want to charge me the same amount for a buffet dinner (where all they do is make the food, put it out, and clean up afterwards) as a sit-down restaurant would charge me for a full-service dinner. AND won’t let me try the food first, to make sure that it is going to be what I expect it to be.
Or floral shops that tell me that the flowers I want are too obscure (ivory long-stemmed roses have never been used as bridal flowers before, apparently), and would cost me my first-born child even if they could find them somewhere in the world.
I’m already past the outrage at the bridal shops that wanted thousands of dollars for a dress I would wear exactly once, and the assistants in the shops that ran the gamut from insulting to downright rude, all the while carefully ignoring any ideas that I might have about what I was actually looking for. With no dresses in the shop for someone larger than a size 8 to try on. Everyone wants to pay $700 for something that they haven’t even tried on, don’t they?
Now, let’s move on to the accessories. A small comb with a couple of silk roses on it to be used once - $50. No, really. A well-fitting bra (this one I actually would use again) - $95. A small ivory purse to be used once - $35. Silk slip - $50. Shoes - let’s not even go there. There is not a single pair of ivory shoes in all of Calgary that have a heel under three inches. Tummy control, abdomen control, thigh control, butt control, everything that could possibly jiggle control foundation garments - $35-150. Stay on for 12 hours lipstick - $15. No, I’m not buying all this stuff - I’m just listing all my sources of irritation.
Oh, I forgot about the necessities like invitations - $80 for the paper to make your own (40 invitations worth). Buy the best man’s tux rental. Put on a spread for everyone the night before the wedding for the rehearsal. Put on a spread the day after the wedding for the gift opening. Gifts for all the members of the wedding party (ok, these I’m not begrudging, because they deserve them, and I want to give them something nice. It’s just one more thing to pay for at this point, though.) Wedding bands. Fees for the officiant. Gratuities for the photographer.
And did I mention that I’m having a VERY SMALL, VERY NON-FANCY WEDDING, where I’m doing nearly everything myself?!? Good lord, if I wasn’t at least marginally creative, this tiny little wedding would be costing us $5000. The twenty-four hour Church of Elvis in Seattle is looking better every damn day.