Okay, so Bob, my old maintainance man, and a very good friend of mine got married in January. Due to a lack of funds, he didn’t have the ceremony until today. He told me about it, and said it would make him really happy if I would come. It took a lot of rearranging for my schedule, but I finally managed to get the night off. I was under the impression that it would be a very casual ordeal, nothing fancy. So I threw on a pair of black pants and a sweater, threw my hair into pigtails, and set off on my way. Now bob’s much older than me…about 57, as opposed to my 19. I figured most of the other people there were also going to be older, I expected that. Also invited were Emily, Pat, and Brian. All very good friends of mine. I haven’t seen any of them in a while though, so it was a nice change to be together again. Emily’s cousin was there too, and she brought a date. Guess who the date was? None other than Scott…my on again, off again boyfriend. We’ve never been serious, but we hook up every now and then. When we’re by ourselves, we’re cool. But in public, we’re both dicks to each other. We barely even talk. So I never thought to even mention the wedding to him, because it’s just not our thing. He didn’t know I was going to be there. He showed up with Kendra. So not only was I bummed because he was dating her, I also had to deal with our ‘other people attitudes’. We didn’t talk, all night long. And whenever I saw him, Kendra was all over him. Emily was trying to comfort me, but it wasn’t working. And on top of that, I was very underdressed. Pat and Brian were both wearing suits, and Emily was wearing a little sundress. Scott had on khakis, but he looked good as usual. Everyone there was smoking, so by the time I got home, I reeked of smoke. And I had a headache. and I was very pissed. But, I’m home now. And I’m screwing with Rachelle’s head. Rashad will kill me, but I think it’s worth it. This bitch is gonna pay
Heck yeah, if someone invited me by word-of-mouth instead of a formal invitation, I’d never assume it was the kinda wedding you wearing pantihose for.
Sorry about running into Scott. I’ve had that happen to me, and I just hated the whole evening. Suddenly having to put my best fake face forward, and the lack of warning putting me at a disadvantage… ugh.
Weddings are always nothing more than two people revelling in a love (that they will lose soon enough) witnessed by a bunch of people who feel obligated to give them gifts.
Be strong and don’t feel bad. Fact is you’re not the only person to get physicaly ill at a wedding. You’re just the only one honest enough to admit it. The fact that you only experienced “secondary illness” is a blessing.
Just remember this: every person at the wedding wanted to be someplace else. They were only there to please two people who thought their love (unlike the billions of other loves) was the best. YICK!!!
As for your ex-boyfriend, the fact that he was there relishing the “feelings of love and joy”, as if it were some kind of sickly sweet jelly that we should all wallow and ultimately drown in,should tell you alittle about his real intents. If he was someone worth tieing your life to, he would have shunned that wedding for the farce that it was.
Only YOU gave the “momentous occasion” the credit YOU felt due. While everyone else was covering themselves, and spending money, you wore what YOU felt was WORTH the EVENT.
Not only should you not be ashamed, you should be proud.
I bet everyone at the wedding was asking themselves:
“I could’ve just worn that? And I could have been someplace else?”
The best part is not only will “the bitch” pay, HE will too. The most they hafta look forward to is a life of playing “connect the liver spots” and “have you seen my enema”. You dodged such a bullet.
You should count youself lucky. And all it took was to wear a sweater.
If it is for the right reason, a marriage is a wonderful thing.
What often ruins it is turning it into a pageant for excess.
Spending more than $2000 on a wedding is fucking insane. I’ve seen 20,000 weddings, and wondered why they were wasting all the money on ONE DAY, when they could use that money to start their new life together.
There is nothing wrong with the concept as far as I see it, just the execution at times.
> Guess who the date was? None other than Scott…my on
> again, off again boyfriend. We’ve never been serious, but
> we hook up every now and then. When we’re by ourselves,
> we’re cool. But in public, we’re both dicks to each
> other. We barely even talk.
Your problems have nothing to do with the idea of weddings in general. Your biggest problem is your relationship with Scott. Figure out whether the two of you have any permanent relationship or not. Until you do, you’re never going to be happy with him or without him.
(I just reread your post and realized that you’re 19. I assumed that you were in your 30’s and Scott was somebody you’ve been dating off and on for a decade or more. Clearly, though, you can’t have had this off-and-on relationship for more than a couple of years. Why are you treating it like it will be the defining experience of your life? Forget him. Date other guys. Meet new people. Find a new set of friends. Move to another city. You’re young. The life you’ll be living in ten years, or twenty years, can be completely different from the one you live now.)
Speak for yourself, JamesCarroll. Most of the marriages I’m familiar with last a long time. The people at the weddings I go to are happy to be there. If you’re not, quit going to weddings. Don’t go to a wedding just to prove to everyone there that you’re superior to them because you know that the marriage won’t last. If you really think it won’t last, politely decline the wedding invitation.
After rereading my rant, I realize it makes very little sense. I was pissed at the night, not at weddings in general. Weddings are great. They’re wonderful. And when you realize your boyfriend is cheating on you? They suck. On that note, I’m off to search the chat rooms…anyone here looking for love?
No, large wooden clubs were invented to make sure that children were from one man.
Weddings are the ritualistic selling of the female to a man. Not only that, the man has to be convinced to take the female. Ever hear of the dowry.
Pam, might have forsaken her aversion to the wedding ceremony for her own reasons, but to pretend that the institution of “the wedding” is more than either:
The ritualistic selling into slavery a female with enough material wealth to make her appealing;
or
The ritualistic bludgeoning of friends and family for money and gifts to substantiate an event between the couple and God,
is laughable.
The most ironic point is that we have actually convinced our daughters that this ceremony, this flurry of good wishes and fringe freindship and flatterers , this parade of pomp and meaningless trappings is “their day”.
How could any self respecting woman allow themselves to be be sold for so much peach taffeta is beyond me.
Not all weddings are between a man and a woman. Holland just passed a full marriage legislation for gay men and lesbians. Denmark is considering the same. Marriage is a lot more than you seem to think.
<------------sitting at desk. Staring at computer screen. Eyes darting downwards frantically. Seeing…yards…and yards…and yards of peach taffeta. A solitary tear rolls down my face.
You
Son
Of
A
Bitch.
Now, to switch gears rapidly yet smoothly with a grace and aplomb usually seen only in Magdalene’s work, I must say, Hastur- right on. A very important remark. It’s about love, not about man and woman. It’s about dedication and happiness and thrill and deep love.
Though I personally eloped, and really can’t imagene ever spending money on a big wedding, or even a small one, it is a personal decision. I only wince when I see people planning a big wedding who obviously haven’t realized that they have other options–the big wedding tradition is so fixed in their minds that they can’t imiagene not having it, even if it means going into debt for 10 years. I have seen people who both were obviously were not particularly fond of weddings go thru this just because they never really realized it was equally ok to run off and get married or even to have a modest wedding.
I also wanted to post that some cultures have bride-prices, not doweries–it really just depends on the scarcity of men/women, how property is owned, etc. etc. Also, in many cultures, most notably in Islam, the woman retains control of her dowery after marrige. In that context it looks more like a fall back savings plan for the woman and children should the man squander his own money, not like a consolation prize for having to take the woman.
Guess again, dickweed. I have only had one wedding of my own so I will speak from my experience.
My wedding was a big old party with a bunch of my friends and family who were there to celebrate the love between Mrs. H and me. People could dress however they pleased. We had people in ties and people in T-shirts. None of them looked out of place. We hired a cajun band for those who wanted to dance. A bunch of my college buddies got to all be together again for the first time in years. The same goes for some of my high school buddies. It was a great party and most everyone there had lots of fun. There wasn’t any taffetta either.
To address your two points: 1. We were nearly broke when we met, in fact we were both in debt. We did the whole wedding on the cheap with some help from the parents as a gift. 2. We made it very clear that no gift was required. I had a few friends that didn’t have a whole lot of money that I explicitly told that all that I wanted from them was their attendence. They didn’t give us a gift and I don’t care.
I’m glad you weren’t there. You would have been the only bitter, self absorbed, muttering spoil sport in the room.
Haj - Just celebrated 8 years of marriage this month.
