Help Me Plan My Wedding

ladydisco · May 31, 2003, 3:03pm

Ok, so MrDisco and I got engaged last weekend pause for applause and congrats and now I’m at the Wedding Planning Freak Out stage. Since y’all have been so helpful in the past, I’m asking for some suggestions for the wedding day itself. Here are the pertinent details:

-‘proper’ guest list is about 150 people (although, if we go with a destination wedding, the list is 6 including the bride and groom)

-since our parents have given us so much money for school, we are going to pay for this affair ourselves - likely taking out a loan (hopefully not too big of a loan)

-the ceremony will likely be in a Catholic church because the groom’s family is a buncha Catlicks

-i will not be having a wedding party (can’t choose between friends) so i’m going to have my sister as my matron of honour only and the groom will have his brother as best man

-i’m not hellbent on a traditional wedding ie. saturday night, rent a hall, dinner, dance, dj, so any alternative ideas would be appreciated
I think it’s worth noting that <seinfeld>my FIANCEEEEEE</seinfeld> is sick and tired of talking about this already. It’s his own fault, really, for proposing the day before we had an 8 1/2 hour car ride home.

I think it’s also worth noting that I think it would be really funny if I posted a thread about the wedding on Slashdot, so then he truly couldn’t escape the topic. ::laughs evily::

Helen_s_Eidolon · May 31, 2003, 3:07pm

I know very little about weddings, but here’s something cool people have been doing: at the reception, leave a disposable camera on each table. The guest can take the pictures, and not only do you have entertainment for the guests, but you have a whole buncha shots that the professional photographers never would have gotten.

tanookie · May 31, 2003, 4:49pm

Well we had an outdoor wedding and then a buffet under a tent Everyone dressed down afterwards and we played croquet! We have some silly pictures of us playing as I am still in my wedding dress and everyone else is dressed for a picnic.

I did a lot of things myself to keep costs down. I made my own cake, favors and centerpieces. We also did all of our own decorating.

Oh and we did the disposable camera thing… but had to explain (a lot) that the cameras were not to be taken home as favors by the guests. We also got a lot of pictures of people’s bottoms.

Good luck!!! Oh yeah and Congrats!!!

CrazyCatLady · May 31, 2003, 5:05pm

The very best thing you can possibly do is this: Each of you sit down, seperately, and make a list of the things that actually mean something to you. Not “Oooh, this would be really cool” stuff, but stuff that will have an emotional impact for you. Then sit down together and discuss your lists. These are the things that you need to spend your money, time, and energy on. Everything else is just window dressing, so you can just ignore it.

As for “tradtitional” well, that varies greatly by region, religion, and ethnicity. I’ve never in my life been to a dinner/dance wedding, and have always thought they sounded terribly dull. “Traditional” for us is a ceremony in the afternoon, followed by cake, punch, and finger foods in the fellowship hall.

Just do what feels right to you, and it will all sort itself out. You’ll take a lot of flack for some of your decisions (my mother still grumbles over our lack of attendants, and people are still bitching about the trip to New Orleans) but everyone will the hell over it.

CastleAnthrax · May 31, 2003, 5:13pm

the best wedding advice I ever got, I will now share with you.

The important part of the wedding takes less than five minutes, and nothing short of food poisoning will mess it up.
Everything else is just a party.
The worse the party, the better the stories you have to tell your grandkids.

Whatever you do will be fine. Don’t choose any traditions that will cause anyone to have a heart attack. That’s about it.
HennaDancer

CuriousCanuck · May 31, 2003, 5:21pm

Run to Vegas and get married by Elvis.

Stephi · May 31, 2003, 5:38pm

Hmmmmm…you’re looking for good advice, eh?

First of all remember that this is your wedding, not your mother’s wedding, or your mother-in-law’s wedding, or your friend’s wedding. Do what will make you happy. Don’t let other people decide what’s best for you. Especially if it’s your money you happen to be using to throw this shindig.

Second, 150 people is a lot of people! It’s a lot of food, a lot of decorations, heh a lot of gifts too! But keep in mind that you’ll hardy have time to see them all.

Third, do the bridal registry thing. Preferably with a department store. Lots of stuff to choose from, it keeps you from getting duplicate stuff, and that way, people don’t have to think of a gift. (Some people find trying to think of a gift really hard.)

Get someone to help you with the planning. You have to figure out where you’re going to have the ceremony, where the reception will be held, and what food to serve. There’s a lot of calling around, inspecting the location, making reservations, dropping off cheques, making sure things arrive on time, etc etc etc. It’s a lot of work.

Buy or borrow a wedding planning book. It will take you step-by-step through the process. Read it cover to cover. After you do so, you’ll want to elope!

Elenfair · May 31, 2003, 8:52pm

::: points to stephi :::

What she said.

DeVena · May 31, 2003, 9:00pm

There is nothing wrong with eloping! That being said…

Register wherever you want… But remember to include Target and Lowe’s. Not everyone can afford to buy you $100 of china.
(Yes you can register at Lowe’s Home Improvement Store. Hubby took an entire day and fantasized with he made his list. At least he got involved with PART of the planning.)

Ditto what CrazyCatLady said. This is for both of you. Include both what is good to do and what is bad. Stuff that you just can’t compromise on. And you need to know ahead of time that one of you does NOT want cake shoved in his face.

And remember, this is your day. Don’t let anyone spoil it for you (even you!).

CuriousCanuck · May 31, 2003, 9:31pm

::points to Elly::

We both have the same amount of posts!!!

Let’s celebrate!
[sub]well at the time of this posting we both have 914…[/sub]

ladydisco · June 1, 2003, 9:29pm

Thanks for the suggestions, guys. I’m considering an outdoor wedding now…in MrDisco’s parental units backyard (they live on the water and have a spacious lot). I think it would be very pretty to rent a tent and have the reception outside.

tanookie · June 1, 2003, 10:45pm

Awww

Our wedding was also in the parental units backyard

lotsa fun!! Good luck to ya!

Geobabe · June 2, 2003, 12:37am

UncleBill and I got deli platters and the cake and flowers from two local supermarkets, and they were all fabulous and we hardly spent anything. My stepdad actually asked me who the caterer was because he thought that food was so good, and was surprised when I replied, “Publix.”

We registered with The I Do Foundation, which lets you designate a charity and a portion of the proceeds from gifts purchased go to that charity, or guests can make a straight donation. They have a great selection of stores, like Target, amazon.com and cooking.com from which you can select all sorts of gifts in a wide range of prices.

We made sure through the whole planning process to make it fun and as stress-free as possible. Only include the things that are really important to you, and don’t let anybody else tell you how you should do it.

Cliffy · June 5, 2003, 6:28pm

Get a wedding planner.

I know, it sounds like such an extravagant and yuppie thing to do, but it makes your life a piece of cake. (Especially if for whatever reason you change your mind about having it at the groom’s folks’ house.) When Mrs. Cliffy and I got engaged we both had full-time jobs and were taking night classes (me for a J.D., her for an M.B.A.) Because of our school schedules the we picked a date that was only 5.5 months away, but there was essentially no sweat at all involved because the planner that we hired knew people at the hotel, knew a DJ, knew a florist, knew a caterer, knew photographers, etc. – she just served them up to us and we said yea or nay, but we didn’t have to go looking for anything. Then, at the reception itself, she scheduled all the goofy traditional stuff (introduction, dances, etc.) so that we didn’t have to think about any of it and could just chat with the guests and have a good time. It was lovely and incredibly stress-free.

–Cliffy

GarniGal · June 5, 2003, 7:09pm

The most fun wedding I have ever attended was (of course) the most casual.

They had a church wedding, but basically it was optional for everyone but the wedding party. The reception was in the driving shed at Cherida’s parents’ farm, and the dinner was their own beef, barbaqued that afternoon. All the salads and stuff were laid out on a hay wagon/buffet table, and just rolled into place (6 guys can do that by hand no sweat). Chuckie and Cherida got a DJ and we danced in the shed, and for the little kids (and the drunks) they rented a trampoline. There were only about 75-100 people, all neighbours and family, so there was no, “oh, so you are the groom’s father’s boss’s daughter, okay”.

Halfway through the night, the cows got out, so we have some awesome pictures of the bride’s parents in barn clothes on the four-wheelers chasing cattle.

Needless to say, a good time was had by all.

Kalhoun · June 5, 2003, 7:19pm

If you have your party on the water, be sure to tell your guests “NO KIDS” or hire some life guards. When folks get to drinkin’ the little ones could be at risk.

ladydisco · June 5, 2003, 7:21pm

My latest plan is to have it at the hotel where I use to work when I was a student. I know what’s included, how things work, how the room is laid out etc. This is going to make my life easier because I live 6 1/2 hours away from the hotel. The planning will be much easier, too, because my old boss can recommend a florist, DJ etc.

I read a cool idea yesterday: Get the florist to make a boa/shawl out of flowers instead of carrying a bouquet. I think I might do that.

Now for the centrepieces…

hedra · June 5, 2003, 8:36pm

Some plants drool. Be prepared for plant marks on your gown.

If you are working or in school, a wedding planner is a good idea, also, if you are planning an ‘away’ wedding (6.5hours), having help is good - does your old boss want to be the planner?

If not, prepare to spend a lot of time on the phone, and a good amount of time going from place to place, and a fair amount of time being SHOCKED that people actually spend that much money for this stuff.

Avoid taking out a loan if you possibly can. A lovely tea wedding reception is cheap and easy, and kinda nice.

Advice handed on from my mom the minister (retired).

The essentials are pretty small - you, him, witness(es), license, officiant if you don’t have a Quaker service.
Go for the symbol, not the jewelry. That is, for everything you really want, take it to the symbolic level first, and build up from there. The rings are symbols first. Same for other trappings. Think about what they mean in general, and what they mean for you, and choose accordingly.
Check into the Catholic service - if you aren’t catholic, yourself, you might have a problem.

And my own advice:

Cheap is possible, but you exchange cheap for the time and effort it takes to locate the right stuff. If you have time, you can do that yourself. If you don’t have time, hire someone who does.

If you go back to the tent idea - Tents aren’t cheap. We looked at doing tents, and :eek: they cost more than most of the halls we looked at (once you added in tables and chairs, not to mention linens).

Try parks. And ask caterers about good locations, too. We got our lovely victorian mansion in a park on a tip from our caterer. $200 for the house for the day! Even with paying for tables, chairs, and linens, it was cheap. And really lovely.

If he doesn’t care about some item, and you want his input, try narrowing the choices for him to three you can live with. Guys don’t get into the same things we do, sometimes. China pattern? Pick a few, then let him pick from those. Etc.

The only things you take out of the ceremony and reception are your rings, some dead flowers, your dress (but you won’t wear it again usually), and the PHOTOS. Get a good photographer. And the cameras on tables is cool, too.

Booze costs a lot. (We saved tons by having a dry party - sparkling cider for toasts, but no alcohol. Too many AA types in my family, too many non-drinkers in his, everyone else had a great time anyway.)

Remember that not everyone invited will come. Thankfully!

Having a gown made by a seamstress may be cheaper than off the rack. I got a hand made silk double-charmeuse gown that way - though the seamstress was family, so I didn’t pay for labor, it still would have been cheaper than buying one I liked.

In general, people I know who have focussed on the things that were important to them, and only did those things that really mattered, had the best parties.

hedra · June 5, 2003, 8:50pm