My boyfriend (now-fiance) proposed yesterday! :D:D:D We’ve got rings mostly picked out, but still need to order them. I found a couple of really nice ringmakers through Etsy, and they are surprisingly affordable. I was excited when I found this seller, for example. I think I’ll be getting that ring with a sapphire in the center and flanked by 2 white zircons. I’m not sure if those are the same thing as cubic zirconia. Nor do I care, it’s gorgeous.
The wedding date is loosely set for summer 2015. I took a solemn vow not to become a bridezilla. We’re going to try to keep it very low-key. We’re aiming to bring a non-religious officiant on-premises (how much will that cost?) and do a ceremony + BBQ reception for immediate family only in his parents’ backyard. It sounds simple enough on paper, but I’m sure there’s a ton of stuff I’m overlooking. The more I think about it, the more shit that will need to be done/paid for. My family has to fly out to attend and obtain some kind of overnight lodging. We might need to set up a registry. What is the deal with showers? What about a cake? A dress? Are we supposed to ask both our parents for money, or just mine? Should we wait for them to volunteer instead of asking? **And **my mom will want things to be perfect since it’s her first child’s marriage. She’s 600 miles away so I… should… have the final word on any arrangements. Should.
Bleh! I’m just glad we have a ton of time to plan this. :o
Have a good time, and look for other ways to reduce spendings, if you’re worried about that.
Too bad i don’t know where you are, I could make the cake!
If you do ask either set of folks for money, be prepared to have to do some things their way. When I married the only thing I didn’t pay for was my sister’s dress, she was my maid of honor, the only attendant. My husband’s family wouldn’t be able to be there, so I didn’t want to ask my family for money either. We had a small church wedding we paid for on our own.
I’m glad to hear of the happiness! Since you have plenty of time, take some deep breaths and relax a while. When the ring comes, enjoy flashing it at your female friends.
About asking the parents for financial contributions, if you keep the ceremony and the reception to something you and your fiance can afford yourselves, you get to do things your own way.
Thanks for the offer We’re going to be having the wedding in or near Scranton, PA. Might just get a nice sheet cake from Wegmans, no need to do the stacked fondant stuff. My sister will be my maid of honor as well. She’s going to be coming all the way from Texas! I won’t make her buy a new dress for the occasion, though. It’s definitely not going to be that fancy. Just something black or white would do.
Thank you! And yeah, I know. We don’t make enough to turn down the help, unfortunately. I do think my mom, at least, will *want *to contribute. I am going to start saving every extra penny once my car is paid off, which means we’d have around $3000 saved up by then. I’d like to spend a chunk on a nice honeymoon, even if all we do is rent a hotel room in town for a couple of nights.
I would love any suggestions for keeping things thrifty. I found a site where I can get a custom-made dress for less than $400. I would like to go a cheaper route, but I’m plus size and dresses that fit right off-the-rack have been hitherto impossible to find. Will be feeding about 25-30 people including partners and kids. I’d be down for a homemade silk flower bouquet. We don’t need any kind of fancy flower or balloon decorations. We want to have it outdoors, which means we will need some kind of cover in case it rains… oy vey.
Congratulations! That ring is gorgeous. I love Etsy and I think that’s a great idea to have the ring made through there. And of course that guarantees that your ring will be unique!
Do you think Etsy would also have dresses that would work? Or if you have any upscale vintage shops in your area they might have something wedding dress appropriate. Another way to keep things cheap is to find a dress from a more traditional wedding dress seller (or any place that sells formal wear) but isn’t a “wedding dress” per se. There are plenty of fancy gowns out there that could work but are cheaper because they’re not marketed as a “wedding dress.”
Cubic zirconiaand zircon are not the same thing, but I don’t see what difference it makes either.There are a lot of gorgeous places for an outdoor wedding outside of Scranton, I went to one in Wyoming years ago, and a tent doesn’t cost that much.
Easiest way to save money on a wedding is to keep the guest list down. Knocking the list down by one and not inviting your mother would provide the greatest savings, but that’s probably out of the question Also, it costs a little, but an open bar can provide you with great entertainment at no additional cost
Just to mention that ten years ago, my daughter paid a woman from something like Ethical Culture (but it wasn’t that) $100 to perform the ceremony. They rented a restaurant in the middle of the day and ordered a fancy marzipan cake from a bakery they liked. They probably had 50 people for a sit-down meal and paid for it themselves, although I would have been happy to contribute to it, but we gave them a $5K gift.
There are lots of ways to keep costs down - a wedding doesn’t have to be anything more than going down to city hall and signing a marriage license - the rest is up to you.
Keeping the guest list down is a good idea - I had 20 people at my wedding, and I didn’t feel like I talked with all of them enough even at that level.
A buffet with an outdoor wedding would also keep costs down - one of biggest expenses was catering. Getting big tubs of barbecue and potato salad would be cheap and good - most people like a barbecue buffet.
We had a big sheet cake from Safeway for our cake, too - it was lovely and (if I recall correctly) about $60.
ETA: We had a friend who was a great photographer do our pictures - we took a couple of good ones and had them framed, put the rest in an album, and haven’t looked at them since the day.
Thank you all. I **really **appreciate the advice. Frankly, I would be content with eloping, but my fiance really wants his family to be there. And my mom might find a way to come kill me if I don’t put forth a *little *more effort than doing a courthouse drive-by. And there’s a little part of me that’s really excited to see the look on his face when he sees me in my dress.
lol! I’m of two minds on this. It would be a **lot **of fun to have some drinks. But we might just end up doing a champagne toast because I’m considering inviting my dad, who is a major alcoholic. I haven’t spoken with him in years. I really have no way of knowing whether he controls himself better than he used to. But I’m worried he wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to drive drunk or act like a horse’s rump. And, due to distance, this might be the only time my fiance’s family meets my family. I don’t to end up embarrassed.
One cost people forget is the rehearsal dinner. For my sister’s wedding, we used a buffet room at the hotel, and just brought in food. I made a lasagna and a few other things. Way cheaper than a restaurant.
Some friends of mine are getting married in November, and we’re talking about having me make a bunch of appetizers for them. (And their guests…) I’d offer to make the cake, but her best friend is a professional cake decorator, so I think they have that part covered. Also, I’d have to figure out how to make a wedding cake…never tried something that big.
Be a little sensitive to this. It can be great advice…but depending on the person, it may put someone in a position of working during the ceremony and reception, instead of celebrating. Photography isn’t something that can be done (totally) in advance.
I have a good friend who is an awesome photographer, and does do weddings on occasion. But he really doesn’t like it when friends ask him to shoot theirs. And it puts him in an awkward position if he says no.
(Anyone ever notice how awkward the word awkward looks?)
Best wishes for your future happiness, and congratulations to your fiancé.
My mother, who is an absolute fanatic about such things, insists that one always says “Best wishes” to the bride-to-be, and “Congratulations” to the groom-to-be. Don’t ask.
Please accept my very best wishes, and extend my congratulations to Mr. Gram-to-be.
But…
Barbecue and white is a potentially tragic combination.
A good friend may choose to throw a bridal shower for you; people often expect the MoH to do this, as (s)he is presumably your best friend.
The host & hostess make the final decision on the arrangements; that would be you. They also pay for everything. Your parents may ask to contribute to the cost of entertainment, or buy your dress, but they will be put to considerable expense to attend the wedding.
Traditionally, the gentleman makes the arrangement with the officiant. And buys the flowers.
For plus sized wedding dresses I highly recommend David’s Bridal. Just make up a fake email address and phone number because they are going to sell your information to everyone, but it is worth it. I tried on plus sized wedding dresses ranging from $100-$800 and ended up with something in the $400 range, but seriously considered the $100 dress.
The maid of honor is my sister who lives in TX. I’m in NY. She might be able to come out a few days before the wedding, at most. We’re definitely not going to have all the bells and whistles associated with a typical fairy princess wedding.
Thanks for the suggestion! We’re not going to rehearse anything, though.
It turns out my fiance has a family friend that has photographed all their weddings, and previously mentioned anticipating doing his future wedding as well. So that’s one less thing to worry about!
re: David’s Bridal… I went there with my plus-sized mom when she got remarried to my stepdad, and she had a bad experience. It’s not a business I want to support.
Do get yourself a long white dress. We did our wedding on the cheap and I got married in an aqua blue sundress. It was a lovely dress, it just… wasn’t a wedding dress. My one regret.
We’re going to be having the wedding in or near Scranton, PA. Might just get a nice sheet cake from Wegmans, no need to do the stacked fondant stuff. My sister will be my maid of honor as well. She’s going to be coming all the way from Texas! I won’t make her buy a new dress for the occasion, though. It’s definitely not going to be that fancy. Just something black or white would do.
Also, it costs a little, but an open bar can provide you with great entertainment at no additional cost 
