Could I impose on the fine dopers to finish this sentence for me? I’m trying to convey a sense of profound, immutable grief, in a extremely over the top way, so as to be humorous. However, I’m very bad at this. I know that there are some folks here that are very, very good at this. Help a doper out?
…motherfuck?
Well, there is always that.
Cry like a lady,
Cry like a bird,
Cry like a girl on easy street
– Psychedelic Furs
…winner at a beauty pageant?
…soprano in an Italian opera?
…house drama queen in a reality show?
…teenage girl who didn’t get invited to the prom?
…Menendez brother on the witness stand?
… Republican voter who suddenly realises how glad they are that McCain and Palin lost.
… n investor who’s just looked up “Ponzi” in the dictionary.
… Darfur refugee who’s just realised they’ve ended up in Somalia.
A wound with a salt bandaid.
…a fat kid without cake?
This is a good one…also the Darfur one.
willow
glass of ice water on a hot muggy day
Weep like Siegfried for Roy. (or vice versa)
is the "like a " portion nailed down? Could you just use inconsoleably after weep?
Weep like you want us to leave Britney alone.
Willow was also the first thing that popped into my head.
Weep like a drunken parent explaining to his/her child why mommy/daddy isn’t going to be living with them any more.
Weep like a baby left alone.
Maybe that’s not very humorous - what about “…like a baby whose mother has left the room to heat up a bottle?” It’s futile, over the top and has some irony to it.
Or continuing with my child theme [they cry in the most over-the-top way], maybe “…like an overprotected child staring into the classroom on his first day of kindergarten.”
reading for comprehension obviously isnt one of my strong points…
How about
“Weep like a red headed step-child after a good slapping”
Weep like you just found out [tv show] has been cancelled…
Like a River. My salty tears flowing to fill the ocean, no wait, like a waterfall in a river. My salty tears flowing to fill the ocean. A giant river. No wait, a giant waterfall. That’s it. I shall weep like Niagara falls. My salty tears flowing to fill the ocean. The flow eroding the riverbed of my face, progressing upstream at a rate of… No wait that doesn’t work. Ummmm OK, ok I really have it this time.
I shall weep like Niagara falls. My salty tears flowing to fill the ocean. The flow eroding the riverbed of my face and etching wrinkles of grief deep into my withering visage, as I weep out my life and my very essence…
Sob, sob, weep, WAIL, sob, sob…… HOOOOONNNNK!
Ok I’m all better now.
fat guy when the Krispy Kreem door is locked.
starlet when the cameras go away.
Dubya when he fully realizes his historical legacy.
teen when you take away his cellphone.
child molester when the prison door clangs shut.