Being obnoxious came with the threat to sell you to the gypsies. As far as threats go, it was pretty benign – just saying someone else would be dealing with your nonsense. These days, I guess I’d sub in “sell you to the circus” for the same flavor without the ethnic bit.
If something got stolen out of my locker or cubby at school my ma would say “they must have needed it more than you”.
Um, no. What they need is their ass kicked.
My pop used to say “this house is not a democracy! It’s a dictatorship, and I am head dic!”
I gladly borrowed that when I had kids.
When we leave the house together, my mom always says either “We’re off like a herd of turtles!”, or the spoonerism “We’re off like a turd of hurdles!”
Dad: “Spoons, hurry up!”
Me: “I’m coming.”
Dad: “So’s Christmas!”
My father used that one, except that it was a screaming herd of turtles. It was cute the first time.
My Mom’s version was “I’d give you away with a year’s free food.” Sometimes followed by " … but nobody’d take you."
The implication being I was being such a PITA that I was much worse than valueless. She was probably right most of the time. Especially when all of us ganged up on being stupid difficult kids at once.
Me: “I want xxxxxx”
Parents: “Well, people in hell want ice water, but they ain’t getting it!”
My mom’s one-word counter-argument: “Balderdash!”
When someone was really successful, or on easy street somehow, my Grandpa would say: “He’s got the world by the tail, in a downhill pull!”
For some reason that one sticks with me.
Much to my embarrassment, when she was in her 50’s, she tried to pick up the current teen lingo.
“Wow, that’s a bad ass car” 
It just doesn’t work when you say it mom.
I love this one, and may steal it.
My dad, when we’re finally all in the car, “And we’re off and running at Hialeah”, after the racetrack in Hialeah, Florida.
Also from my dad, “At least it’ll keep you off the streets at night”.
From my parents, who grew up in the same town, if something’s not quite upright (such as a Christmas Tree, or a tiered wedding cake) “It’s leaning towards Fishers.” This references an outhouse, which wasn’t quite plumb, and was leaning towards the neighbors, named Fisher.
I’m not sure why, exactly, but that’s one of the most charming things I’ve every heard.
“Yeah, and I want a pony.”
“I’m off like a bride’s nightie!”
On a slightly similar note: At some grocery stores, baby formula is not locked up because of poor, desperate parents who “need to steal in order to feed their child(ren)”. There are people who re-sell it online or at flea market-type places. Same goes for laundry detergent (although detergent is not always locked up) and some other household items.
If I was doing nothing: “Don’t just sit there with your teeth in your mouth!” or “Don’t just sit there like a bump on a log!” or “You’re turning into a hot house flower!”
I grew up hearing a plethora of stuff like that, but it was my dad mostly.
If I crinkled up my nose at something: “One man’s meat is another man’s poison.”
One time, I was inveigled into gambling away my lunch money at school and told my dad expecting sympathy and maybe a couple of bucks: “A fool and his money are soon parted.”
If I made the same dumb mistake twice: “Fool me once, shame on you but, fool me twice, shame on me!”
I have two brothers and a sister. Whenever someone would ask how her kids are doing, my mom would always reply, “Well, they’ve all got jobs and none of them are in jail.”
I’ve got to say that I can’t say the same thing about my in-laws and extended family.
At our house, a burp would usually get a response of “If it comes up again, we’ll vote on it.”
Not my mom, but a friend told me that when he was a kid, the threat that backed up “do your homework” was, “If you don’t do well, in school, you’ll grow up to be a shit-shoveler in the circus.”