If a child complained about having to do some mindless chore: “At least you’re not out on the street stealing hubcaps.” A variation of idle hands/devil’s workshop; apparently the devil needs a supply of hubcaps.
After a good deed or task for which no financial compensation is coming; “You’ll get your reward in heaven.”
To someone who is late with no explanation: “I thought you’d been kidnapped by gypsies.” with apologies to the Roma people.
To someone who turns down an offer of food: “Mais fica” (Portuguese, pronounced mazh feeka. Literally “more stays”; figuratively “fine; leaves more for me.” Very useful.
I’ve never heard anyone else’s mom use any of these; please share.
I think both of my parents were fond of this one, regarding the requirement of doing chores instead of watching TV: “you’re not a guest in this house.” Meaning, as I always took it, that we were a family and all responsible for the success of the enterprise; no freeloading, commensurate with age and ability.
I think I invented one.
When my kids were young, the girl asked me to open a bottle of olives. I didn’t think she’d given it much effort, so I said, “Pretend you’re in the desert. Your plane has just crashed. You pull your bloody body from the wreckage, pile the debris into a makeshift shelter, and find a container of water. But! There is no food. After three days, you begin to feel yourself weakening. If you can just hold on, help will come! Then, you find a bottle of olives. Will you live, or…” and then we stared at her until she gave it her best shot, and pop! Opened the bottle. Now any time we come up against trouble, someone says, "Pretend you’re in the desert. "
I was just thinking about this yesterday. If you burped, my mom would say, “If it’s a piano bring it up sidewards.”. I have never heard anyone else use that expression.
I bet many (most?) of us have heard or read of the expression “That’s a horse of a different color.” Meaning that this situation or thing isn’t comparable to that other situation or thing. It’s archaic now, but when we were all little it was something our parents’ generation knew and used.
Anyhow, for whatever wacky reason my mom had her own custom version of that expression. To her it was “That’s a horse of a different garage.” Huh? I never got the impression she was just being silly for us kids or thought she was mangling it as a joke to the other grown-ups. She always delivered the line deadpan.
When my father wanted one of us to go away, he would say: “Run around the corner and see if its raining.” I don’t think anyone else ever used that expression.
If you sneezed once, my mother would say gesundheit. A second sneeze would elicit: Zu leben (to live). On the third: Zu wachsen (to grow). But the fourth would get you: Zu quellen (to be joyfull). I am not sure this last is actual German or just Yiddish. In my household, we’ve a fifth: Zu Shtoppen Shneezen.
When the future looms unknown, my mom is fond of saying: “Bring me my Persian!” This is a line spoken by Jack Palance (as Attila the Hun) facing an uncertain threat in Sign of the Pagan (1954) which my future parents saw on its first run. It was a short time later, after the closing credits, that my dad proposed.
Canadian radio personality Al Boliska had a great reply for the kid: “Yeah! Name two!”
Korean American comedian Johnny Yune remembered his mother telling him to think of all the starving children in America who would love to have those peas.
My cousin once turned the table on her parents by sitting down to dinner and saying “you know, there are millions of children around the world having a much better meal than this tonight.”
