Weird things you thought when you were a kid

I used to think that politicians were honest and truthful and trying to do the right things for us…

Fine, then, I used to think that alligators really did live in the sewers.

When people ate ribs, I assumed they were eating…people. People who had died of old age because we had to be humane about it. It didn’t bother me since I knew adult did/ate weird things…this was just one of those things.


For a while there, I thought my left hand was evil and my right hand was good. They would get into arguments and fights, and if my left hand won, I wouldn’t speak to it for days.


When mommys and daddys touch specific body parts that created the corresponding part on the baby. Touching hands makes the baby’s hands, etc. What determined the sex organs I had no idea… maybe whoever did the touching first.

This story comes up alot with girlfriends. I have to sleep on my stomach facing away from the person otherwise I can’t sleep. But I still like contact with my partner… so basically we touch butts. So the term “butt baby” usually get joked about. I actualy woke my girlfriend up a couple of nights ago because I woke up for a moment and discovered that we were now facing each other and our knees were touching. “Knee baby!” She was not amused.

I also thought that if I looked into the radio really hard, really, really hard, I could see the DJ broadcasting from the studio.

I thought that something about a wedding band enabled people to have children.

I thought that animals could understand humans perfectly but pretended not to.

I thought that Satan looked a lot like Charles Nelson Reilly (I used to have nightmares when I was little about his character from Lidsville).

I thought that writing checks was like food-stamps or something: that you were allowed to write so many if you didn’t have money and the government or somebody would cover it (no concept that checks=money in the bank).

I thought that ghosts were a separate race who could marry and have baby ghosts.

I used to think that:

[li]If you turned off the radio in the middle of a song and then turned it back on the music would resume from the point at which it had stopped, like stopping a tape and starting it again. How disappointed I was when I was with my mom and we stopped to go into a store, The radio was playing a song I liked. When we got back to the car the song was no longer on.[/li][li]Every time there was lightning it was from God striking a giant match.[/li][li]If it thundered too loudly chunks of the “sky” would start tumbling down.[/li][li]Rocks were made in a factory and then spread around the world where they were needed.[/li][li]Teachers lived at the school.[/li][li]Women got pregant from just being around men. Once I learned that it involves more than a man’s mere presence I thought it was the man’s urine that conceived the baby. I was 11 or 12 before I finally understood how it all really worked.[/li][/ul]

Ah, yes. They Might Be Giants really have written a song about everything.

Until I was about 5…
I thought that the American Revolution started because the English were mad at us for stealing their language.
I thought that “U.S.A.” was a weird abbreviation for China ('72 Olympics, an American-naturalized Asian medalist was on the TV a lot, and his shirt said U.S.A.)
Since horses were the opposite of cows (bear with me on this one), and water was the opposite of milk (still with me? Remember, I was 4 or 5), and since we got milk from cows, we got water from horses.

That’s great! I got really, really mad at my mom once because she refused to tell me what the opposite of sky is.

(Duh, it’s ground, of course!)

I’ll bet your dad told you that, Calvin…

When I was about 3 or 4 and watched Sesame Street, I knew the Muppets were puppets and not people, but I thought the puppeteers used their heads as well as their hands (imagine Jim Henson in a big Ernie costume, controlling Ernie’s mouth with his own). Even though I had toy Muppets of my own, I wasn’t satisfied with hand puppets…I wanted a “head puppet” like I saw on TV! I remember convincing my dad to drive me to the toy store and ask the salesman for a head puppet. Poor Dad; I think the salesman thought he was crazy.

If you think Dad was just humoring me…you don’t know my Dad.

…Well, OK, maybe.

Having seen my dad naked a few times when I was very young, I grew up convinced that my dad was hung like a horse. It wasn’t until the one time we shared the same locker room after I was fully grown that I realized that no, no he’s not. I suppose most boys have the same misconception at some point :smiley:

And you know those frilly toothpicks that hold club sandwiches together? I believed for years that those toothpicks were themselves called “sandwiches”. This was because my family was eating in a restaurant (a fairly rare thing for us) and I was standing on the seat, turned around to see what the people in the next booth were eating. Spying one of these toothpicks, which I had never seen before, I pointed and asked, “What’s that?” The lady must have assumed that I was pointing at her sandwich, because she said, “It’s a sandwich.”

When I was about six or seven, I learned everything I needed to know about genetics from the movie Jurassic Park. Especially the bits about cloning dinosaurs from blood samples. Because of my inkling that blood=DNA, I was convinced that I was some sort of bastard child because my mom once had a blood transfusion. For a long time, I wondered about the kind blood donor stranger whose DNA I was made of.

I thought dogs and cats were the same animal (but I didn’t know what animal.) The dogs were the males & the cats were the females.

When I saw an ant carrying an injured ant, I thought it was taking it back in the hole to be seen by an ant doctor.

I was quite a science fiction buff as a young boy in the mid1960s. When the family sat down to watch man landing on the moon in 1969, I was bored stiff. At the time I didn’t realize I was watching an historic first. I thought we had been to planets all over the universe.

I thought nobody knew what made the wind blow.
I came to this conclusion after discussing it with my peers - we must have been about 5 years old at the time - none of us knew what made the wind blow, therefore nobody knew.

I don’t know how long this persisted, but I did feel a bit deflated when I announced to my dad one day, “nobody knows what makes the wind blow” and he just told me how it works.

He couldn’t tell me what was outside of outer space though, so I still won the day.

I was an avid reader as a child and would often get told off for reading when I should be asleep. One night I heard someone coming down the hallway and in a panic I pulled the light plug straight out of the wall. Some sparks came out.

For about the next month, I was convinced that those sparks were travelling down under the house and any minute now the entire house would catch alight.

I eventually confessed to my dad, thinking he was going to be really mad at me because he’d have to go under the house to put the fire out…

Water’s not the opposite of milk?!

They’re… not? :eek: