Well, if you had something like that in your past, would you list it (for a job that doesn’t involve working with kids, I mean)?
Nice! That’s basically a professional award for a programmer (or mathematician, logician, engineer, lab scientist, etc).
I shall count my blessings. I forgot about the accounting files for properties, because I don’t go into those much. I’m in residential, not commercial or strata, so if we’re managing a SFD, er, a house, it doesn’t need a crapload of separate filing categories for the associated paperwork. I don’t want to know about the accounting files… because then they might make me do that filing, too.
Our creative department needed a new junior level art director. One that didn’t just catch my eye, but practically snagged it on it’s juvenility was a resume told completely through her 2 pug dogs.
It was a serious wtf-is-wrong-with-this-lady moment, and my god, either she’s on some serious medication or needs some. It was so laughable it made the rounds of not just our creative department, but almost the whole floor (100+ people).
She called herself Pug Lady, and had little speech balloons coming out of poorly taken pics of her idiotic dogs saying bad puns about each category of her resume, from her shitty design skills to how much she loves pugs. I’m sure I kept it, but I’ll have to dig for it… it’s entirely visceral and something that has to be seen.
Kind of sad really. You have to wonder what kind of weird world they live in?
Oh, and, she loves pugs.
I don’t think I have a weirdo resume. Nor do I think I’m a weirdo who just happens to have a resume.
But I do have the magic words “Personalized Baby Bibs” on my resume–under the “Hobbies and Interests” section.
I was asked, during an interview for a job in a library, for more information about these personalized baby bibs. In discussion, it was determined that he thought I made bibliographies (“bibs” in library jargon) for babies. No, I do counted cross-stitch designs, carefully chosen for the parents-to-be, on terrycloth towels with neckholes, for the purpose of keeping food of baby’s clohts.
*to hoom it may consern
i am vary intersted in applyng for a job as a ________ techer at you’re fine scool
plese see my atached resoomay for my qualifcashuns
*
Written in pencil on a crumpled half sheet of notebook paper.
Care to fill in the blank?
englihs? 
Dyslexia?
My first job out of college was clerking at a convenience store while searching for true professional employment. I worked nights and to kill time I would read the job applications that had been turned in.
One that I remember to this day included this information under Previous Employment.
Employer: XYZ Dry Cleaning
Duties: …pressing shirts…
Reason for Leaving: didn’t like pressing shirts
This thread reminded me to search up our “resumes of shame” file for fun.
Here’s the guy applying for the chemist/chemical engineer with 5-years experience position listing his “home chemistry” experience among his qualifications. :dubious: Fortunately he listed the contact information from his years of fast-food service to let us know that he wasn’t only living off his “home chemistry.”
Here’s the girl applying for the same position… with a B.S. in marketing, and 3-years experience as a Cast Member at DisneyWorld. We suspected the chemistry in that one was drug-related, too, since she noted what a pleasant and cheerful person she always was. Three times.
Here’s the resume that inexplicably trails into computer-printed chinese characters. Since the guy had a doctorate from Taiwan, and my boss at the time was Taiwaneese, we had my boss translate it for us… it was gibberish. Apparently he hadn’t noticed the fonts had shifted when he printed it out and mailed it to us. 
I think that the zen-of-filing thing would be if you would open the drawer and just BE the gap. And stuff.
LOLCATS?
I can has job in ur r00mz, teechin ur kidz y/n?
crroect.
Some days it almost felt like that.
In some cases I think a little judicious weirdness can help your resume rise above the tide. On one cover letter at the end of my list of skills I put, “I can also control animals with my mind. That’s probably not relevant to the job, but it can be fun at parties.” I got a call for an interview the next day.
Or were you controlling the interviewers/callers with your mind?
I got one that ended with “Can fit a whole orange in my mouth at once.” He got an interview, but once we met him in person, I could not, even for a second, imagine sharing a washroom with the guy.
Besides which, that sounds like asking for your Workers’ Compensation premium to go up. :o
Ye Gods, what a fun thread!
I was screening resumes for my own replacement once and got some doozies. One was printed on pastel Precious Moments stationary- shitcanned. One was written in red pen- shitcanned. One was a bad copy of a bad copy of a bad copy- the paper was almost the same dirty shade of gray as the ink- shitcanned. One was written in pencil on a crumpled-and-flattened-out-again piece of child’s notebook paper- shitcanned.
And those were all in the same day. :eek:
Sheesh, people, how hard can it be? Nice white paper (ivory only in a pinch), an easy-to-read font in crisp black… rocket science.
I’d be totally screwed if I had to come up with a resume. Back in the stone age, when I applied for my current job, the process was quite a pain - a 3 hour written basic skills test, a fairly difficult verbal exam, then (if you were one of the 10% who passed the first two parts) an interview board. I had a hard time believing only 10% made it through to the interview. After hiring on, I asked my boss about it - he stated people would come in for the verbal exam chewing gum like cows, some would not grasp the concept of bathing, some came in drunk/stoned… Amazing.
My first “real” job after having The Kid was as an account rep for a jewelry manufacturer. The reason I landed the job? One of my hobbies was needlepoint. The HR person figured I would have a good eye for detail. Came in handy for the days I would have to count through packages of 500-100 1/20th diamonds. Ugh.
AND, as for filing? I used to like it okay. Now I love it. Click to open mail. Review. Click to file. It will be even easier once the courts and county attorneys get on board.
This is my goal for the next year - implementing an electronic document management system. I have made some rough calculations and it appears that not only will it work way better than keeping things on paper (obviously,) it will actually save an absurd amount of money over the course of a year in terms of labour. If we spend twenty thousand dollars to implement it, it should pay for itself in less than a year.
And no more fecking paper-cut cuticles!