Sorry if I offended you, man. And I’m also sorry that i can’t seem to remember your entire username, but you know you who are, right? It wasn’t meant to offend.
But just because you want to have a different relationship with one of your kids, doesn’t make it okay for you to suddenly change the rules. And the fact that welby1 thinks it’s a bad idea that his son wasn’t discrete enough about it is also kind of disturbing to me- it would have been okay if your son hadn’t “told” on you?
Anyway, for those of you saying it’s okay for a guy and his son to have a man to man beer as a type of male bonding thing, would it have been okay if welby1 had given a couple of beers to his hypothetical 15 year old daughter? And if no, why?
Realizing that it’s still none of my business, I’ll say anyway that if Welby Jr. can’t be trusted to keep his yap shut about the incident, then he’s probably not as trustworthy as Welby thought he was.
Okay, so I probably over-reacted back there. I still don’t like the way Zoggie hijacked my story and twisted it into something perverted, but he wasn’t being personal like I thought he was.
That kind of trust does not however have anything to do with this OP. The issue here is that Welby knew he had screwed up before his son “blabbed”. Of course any wife should trust her husband to make decisions based on what is good for the family when she is not there and without a “committee meeting.”
The point is that he did something that he KNEW his wife didn’t approve of and then tried to keep it a secret from her. In other words she trusted him to make decissions during this camping trip that she could support. He betrayed that trust. He made a decission that he KNEW she didn’t support. Then he hoped his son would at least keep quite but maybe even lie to his mother about it.
Does that sound like a way to either build trust or to be worthy of it? It doesn’t to me.
Thanks for all of your opinions, Welby is out of the doghouse.
First of all, I probably should have pointed out that it wasn’t the first beer my son’s ever had. Secondly, I wasn’t really actively trying to hide the beer drinking, I had intended to tell my wife anyway. No chance between campout and explosion because our schedules don’t always coincide. Thirdly, I discovered after the post and prior to the very heart-to-heart discussion I had with my wife about this that the boy didn’t actually say what I said he said. (Follow that?)
To wit: The boy stated: “Dad let me get drunk this weekend. I puked in the tent.” Which is, of course, the exact opposite of what I told him (Namely, “Don’t get drunk and don’t puke in the tent”).
Neither of these happened, but the form in which they came out. Unfortunately, combined with the fact that she was already in a bad mood, the statement made my wife angry enough that we had an argument before we had a discussion, which occasionally happens in even the best of marriages.
I further discovered that the most likely reason this came out the way it did, which I wasn’t aware of at the time of my post, was that I was a diversionary target. When my son made the statement he was on the receiving end of quite a lecture. She was discussing an incident that happened at school that day, and he tossed out the drinking thing to throw her off the scent. Worked like a charm.
Crafty boy. So crafty that he’s had his last beer for a long time.
Not crafty Welby, who admits it should have been discussed before the trip and not after. I am hardheaded, once in a while.
I do not think it is a big deal.
Like you said, not treating it as the forbiden fruit will make your son understand this is not such a big deal. Maybe he won’t rush as much on a beer to get drunk as a skunk like other teenagers that are excited to do something “wrong”.
I grew up in another country where alcohol is part of every day meals and I could not have cared less when I turned 18 (drinking age there).
It bothers me to see young 21 year old adults (in the US) going to get drunk just because they are 21… or worse doing it at 14 in the woods because it is so defying their parents.
I really don’t think letting the boy have some beer was wrong. I was probably 7 when I first had a taste of wine. On Sundays, when my family would sit down to enjoy a long leisurely meal, I would be allowed half a glass of wine which would then be watered down. Mind you, our Sunday dinners usually lasted about two hours so I wouldn’t be drunk.
Come to think of it, that means that I drank more then than I do know.
Well, speaking as someone with a 14-year-old-son and 13-year-old-daughter who also goes to medievally-themed camping events where beer is drunk, I find myself wondering about “the club has rules about underage drinking and enforces them with an iron fist.” Umm, your son was drinking fairly openly (unless he went into the pavilion, poured a beer into his tankard, and came back out to the fire); you said that people would either ask you for permission to give him a beer first, or refuse outright.
Ethilrist the club enforces it for kids whose parents are not at the event, or who are under the care of someone else’s parents, or who are simply 18 and old enough to attend but not to drink. If a responsible parent (I know this is currently up for debate in my case) is present, the club doesn’t have any say. Kids of the middle ages (hah! I made a funny), meaning 18,19,20 are caught, they are expelled quickly and nosily from the event. People of age who provide beer to minors usually have thier membership revoked.
During the period of time I was gone there was quite the scandal about drinking and since then there has been huge paranoia about underage drinking. I can say that this wasn’t always the case (when I was 16 and 17 I had zero problem getting a beer there) but that the new rules and thier enforcement are about the only thing rules-wise that we don’t debate as a club.
Beer is served in our tavern area, but you’re ID’d at the door and again at the bar. There is a covered area away from the main tavern for those not allowed to drink, and no admission to the main tavern after the adventure for the day has ended. The beer my son drank was from our cooler, provided by me. Had he gone to the tavern before of after hours seeking a beer on his own, he’d have been in a world of trouble. I’d have heard about it before he finished trying to place his order.
So why worry with these rules in place? Because kids are kids, and the magistrates and rules enforcers can’t be everywhere at all times. They do an excellent job of enforcement, but it’s possible for a few to slip through the cracks and wind up in the woods with a bottle of something sneaked from mom and dad’s liquor cabinet. I’d rather have my son where I can see him, know he’s okay, and know that he won’t get himself kicked out of the game for being, well, a teenager.
Feh. This is a bloody non-issue. Better the kid do it safely with you than with a bunch of friends wherever in town.
I agree with Devorzhum on this. If I had a son, I would certainly sit down with him with a couple brews to chat about important things in his life.
As it is, I have a daughter, and I may very well do the same, but I think my wife’ll take care of it before I get the chance …
Which leads me to point 2: MandaJo, my wife does whatever the hell she damn well pleases. She rarely ever goes so far as to ask me before she acts. I expect her to make the right choices, and when she doesn’t, she knows it’ll be her own damn fault and not to bitch to me about it. welby, I for one think you done good. At least you’re trying to have a trusting relationship with your kid, something my parents never did with me.