Welcome 35, not

The BBQ Pit
1

I thought I could welcome 35 years old as well as I could with 30 but I can’t.

I realize so many things are coming at me with a vengance like some fucking hurricane.

Retirement, while I don’t think it’s an oblibation, it sure would be nice.

I have not a one retirement funding going on, not a one…it’s all my fault.

I have never been married, not once. I fear my independence will only be a mark along the line and will end up terminally lonely.

When I turned 30, all was good, I was making money, kicking ass in the world. Not so today. I spend my days wishing I had more.]

I seem to repeat tje same shit over and over…I truly want to be a good person again with a good job and a good liife but I can’t seem to see past my limitations…

FUCK, life fucking SUCKS.

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I am 35…I can’t imagine what it’s like for others…I want to do things I have never done before.

FUCK…I can’t explain this…I want to go places I have not been before…I want to do things that never made sense before.

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techchick, I had some of my hardest times in my mid-thirties. It wasn’t that my life situation had changed. I just kept thinking about that Peggy Lee song, Is That All There Is?

Well, that wasn’t all there was. Life has incredible surprises ahead for you. Be ready to grab hold when they come. And don’t be afraid.

Please, please make a list of everything you want to do and accomplish. Pick out the one that you want to work on first and begin to do something each day that moves you closer to that goal. It can be something as small or something time consuming. If you want to travel, get your passport photos made. Start picking out a hotel, etc. It will fall into place if you do it one step at a time.

The “doing” will help to make you into the person that you want to become. And you are just the right age for this!

Read. Explore. Change your image. Do it all!

One word of caution. Don’t over-burden yourself with “things” until you know what you really want. They have a way of owning you.

If I had it to do all over again, I would live so freely that when I moved from one place to another, all I would have to do was put out the fire and call the dog.

Well, almost…

Your feelings now are a beginning for you.

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Except for the “life sucks” you may be my twin! (Yes, getting into the late 30s can suck, but I think one should make life more interesting, I am taking more risks now (getting a job helps), and making some things that I had put aside as impossible: like getting a good car, getting back to college to study what I wanted to be (animator, cartoonist) while still improving in what I have to be to afford that (a tech), finding love…

Of course, some things continue to suck: what fun is to have a fun car if your loved one is far away? I wish I could have her by my side, right now I only see an empty seat next to me….

As you say: things are coming with a vengeance, and you feel time is running out, maybe so, but don’t let that stop you, there is more to life, consider my current love: (far away affairs are tough when you get few replies) I will feel bad if it fails, but I will see it as something that goes with the territory and I see it as an opportunity to gain experience, but who knows? Someday a happy ending can come from that search.

That search can be also something to live for.

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You’re only 35. Considering that humans can live to their 70s, 80s, and even 90s, that’s not a big deal. Bob Hope just died at the age of 100. Katharine Hepburn at 96. 35 is nothing.

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Late 30’s is a dreadful time of life…for me it was worse than the very worst of my adolescence. All sorts of regrets, but mingled with a nihilistic approach to the future that can be dangerous if you’re not careful. You’ve got to take it easy, and I mean that in the most literal sense of the words.

But rest assured, the 40’s are brilliant. Whoever coined the term, ‘Life Begins at 40’ had some sort of wonderful wisdom. Such a seemingly trite platitude cannot begin to convey the true meaning. I think this is especially true for women, but I am willing to be argued with on this one.

The 30’s are like: Awwww…fuck :frowning:

The 40’s are like: Ahhhhh…fuckit. :cool:

I know it’s a few years of agony in the meantime for you techchick68, but it DOES get better, no matter how low things seem to be for you at the moment. Just count 35 as one year CLOSER to 40 if that makes things any easier!!

And take care.

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Liz, may I wish you a HAPPY birthday? (sheepish :slight_smile: )

Hmmm, lemme see–where was I when I turned 35? Well, I was working at a job that didn’t pay all that well but had the added bonus of having a real iffy future so I could only pray that it held out a couple months longer so I’d have insurance when the twins were born–there can be some real advantages to NOT having a family.

Since then I have taken more career paths than I can remember. It’s been kinda fun when it wasn’t harrowing. I STILL don’t have a retirement fund going (I had one but needed the money); my retirement plans include dying before I retire but if worse comes to worst there’re worse things to be than a cranky old man living on Social Security in a trailer down by the river.

We’ve been friends for three years and while I can see what you mean about repeating the same shit over again (aren’t we about due for somebody to pipe in with a snotty “WTF? Techchick’s feeling sorry for herself AGAIN?” comment? :wink: ) I really wish you would open yourself to all the possibilities that surround you. Step away from the computer for a while. Take some cooking classes at the junior college. See some people in real life. And if somebody reaches out to you take their hand, if only for a moment.

You have my email.

mike

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*Originally posted by one of my all time favorite people dropzone, *

First person who does gets an ass whuppin from me!

Techchick, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that place a few years ago. I’m older now. And it can still suck at times.

I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, sometimes you just have to go through this crap - if you feel like talking (well emailing) I’ve still got my same old email address (thanks, Coldfire ;)) and it’s working just fine - I’m here if ya need me or just want a friend

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Well, I went boating on the Ganges on my 35th birthday, which came while I was staying in Varanasi and hanging out with a hot Australian guy, so I guess I’m not much for consolation. OTOH, yesterday I turned 42, which finds me temping in a dead economy with a career that has crumbled into ashes, so I do know something about not kicking ass like I used to.

The thing is, you can’t give up. You’re only 35, and while you might be feeling like Methuselah’s grandmother inside, on the outside you are a fresh, fragrant blossom. So things are not so good for you right now. . it will change and your fortunes will improve. You’re going to be OK.

A song I listen to when I need to feel more optimistic about my life and abilities is “Be A Lion” from The Wiz:

In your own way, be a lion.

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Happy belated, gobear.

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Go out and buy a sports car. That might help.

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Thanks, JuanitaTech.

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Hey, goboy! Happy b-day to you, too!

Hmmmm, I’m getting WAY too MPSIMS here. Maybe I should say, “Happy birthday, faggot. You’ll rot in Hell for your sins!” :wink:

When I think about boating on the Ganges I also think about all of the human ashes that would be floating along with me. As you know, I’m totally no fun to be around.

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And the 50’s are like: Fuckin A …nice :smiley:

Got more money, more toys, the kids seem to be turning out to NOT be axe murderers, and

people listen to me
the dog thinks I’m God
I’m the boss
The TV’s bigger
The car’s faster
The house is newer
My ugly aunt with the liver-lips has passed on

…and when I tell somebody to fuck-off my years of experience confirm that I’ve said the right thing to the right kind of person.

But I agree with the OP. Mid thirties to early forties life was a little taxing at times.

Good to be Bubba

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But hey, at least it’s half over, right? :wink:

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I’ll be 35 on Saturday. I can sorta understand where you are, but from a slightly different perspective. I have a wife and two kids to support. I have 358 more house payments to make. I have a good paying job at a company working through bankruptcy. I feel unfulfilled professionally. I’m sure there’s something better out there but I have no idea what it is. It’s the same feeling I had incollege except now I have a family and mortgage to support. But normally I’m too busy to have time to really worry about any of it, other than the occasional sigh.

I did have fun at the State Fair last night with the family and my in-laws. So that’s good. And we paid off the cheaper of our two cars. I always focus on the little things. It’s the details (in life, books, movies, everything) that make it for me.

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gobear Happy Belated Birthday to you.

To everyone else, and gobear too,

Yeah I know. This summer’s been a bad one and when I realized that today (er yesterday now for me) I was to turn 35 everything came at me in a rush of what I haven’t done, what I have wanted to do, along with all those misgivings of youth wasted.

Sometimes you don’t think about your path until you’ve seen that path behind you. But I didn’t worry so much about that path behind me when I turned 30, which I understand many of my human counterparts shake and shiver when the big three-O hits. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I waited another five years before that hit.

I am feeling much better today and even posted to my LJ about what I did tonight and why I feel better. http://www.livejournal.com/users/techchick68/799100.html

Last night was more of a “What the FUCK? I am 35, not where I intended to be, not even half of what I thought I would be in so many ways that it’s shocked me.” I hated to look in the mirror. I hated to think about where I was and where I am. I was genuinely and completely disappointed in who I am and who I have become.

This has nothing to do with people feeling sorry for me, it’s a wake-up call to myself as to things I have let slip through my fingers and the stupid shit I know I do over and over again to sabatoge what and where I want to be. It was truth be told and truth to tell the world that I need to get off my ass and just fucking do it and hopefully by telling thousands or even more of my stupidity I can actually get off my ass and accomplish some things. In addition, hopefully some of the younger ones on the board aren’t like me and instead of sitting back thinking about what could be, they get out there and make it happen.

But, I find myself wondering how in the fuck to get out of that funk that drags you down. This isn’t a simple issue, it’s about going past telling yourself you will get past an issue yet you are too fucking shy, stupid, fucked in the head, whatever to remember that there were good times, there are people who have been in worse situations than you and you continue to be a fucked up loser about it and sit on your ass all day talking but not doing.

It’s pretty fucked up. I can only blame myself for where I am today but that doesn’t make it any easier. In fact in some twisted way it makes it harder because if it were someone else’s fault, then well, the weight doesn’t belong on my shoulders. In this case the weight is strong and heavy.

However, I will get over it and I did have a good day despite the problems looming over me. But sometimes you just gotta feel like shit and tell the whole fucking world so you can (hopefully) work through it and maybe get some advice that you normally would get otherwise.

Life sucks but it’s not so bad I will end it…I just sick of living with me sometimes and damnnit, there aint shit I can do about not living with me.

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That’s what you get for having plans and dreams. If you were completely without ambition this wouldn’t have been a problem. :slight_smile:

Glad you are feeling a little better. I agree about advice. I’ll take good advice wherever I can get it, be it from strangers online, fortune cookies, or other people’s horoscopes, but sometimes you just have to rant first so there’s room in your head for the new stuff.

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“Life begins at 40?”

“And the 50’s are like: Fuckin A …nice?”
Bullshit.
Yeah. I can’t wait to begin my midlife crisis after waking up to the nightmare realization that the best years of my life are probably behind me.

I sure am looking forward to looking in the mirror and seeing a wrinkled, balding, flabby version of my formar self.

Oh and not to mention that hooking up with hot teenage girls is now “frowned apon”. Not that you would be able to since anyone under 25 will view you as some kind of fossilized relic.

I certainly can’t wait to be shackled to the monotony of job/house payments/wife/kids/weekend golf. Every day running into each other as if you were Bill Murry in Groundhogs Day except that you couldn’t tell the diference between a new day and the same day repeating.
There’s no way you can tell me that life isn’t better when you are 23 - when you have all the time in the world and no responsibilities other than figuring out where to party that weekend…or that tuesday.

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Ah, but the difference is that we are comparing middleage with Techchick’s 35, not your 23. Of course I’d rather be 23 with most of my life ahead of me. But to be 35 again, realizing that I hadn’t done all that I had wanted to at 23 but not yet at the point of not caring anymore? To be 35 and realizing that there could have been more to the past twelve years than the empty debauchery you suggest? That’s a different story, Mr Living-for-the-next-party. Techchick is an adult and realizing her own mortality, that she has a limited time here and that there is much she hasn’t done. I believe I can guess that one thing she does NOT regret is not having partied enough. You are talking about life’s dessert, which we tend to get before the main meal, and continuing to eat it indefinitely. She wants a more substantial meal.

And at 23, shouldn’t YOU start thinking about starting on life’s entree, yourself? It’ll be real depressing for you when you turn thirty and find that the only friends you have left are the other arrested teenagers at the bar. And those hot teen girls will find you pretty creepy, too.