Smart one 
Welcome to the boards, hope you enjoy your stay, the kitchen is over there and we’ve got cookies.
Actually, the cookies are a lie.
So’s the cake.
Attack, did you look behind the unopened milk? Seriously, it’s not my fault if you expect the item you’re searching for to be smack in front of your nose when you open the door!
Welcome. You’re at the right place to ramble on.
Welcome!
Heh. Kid, you’re going to fit right in here. Welcome!
Welcome, welcome! The squid called in sick today… bur fortunately we have a stand-in. (Not like you’ll be able to tell the difference anyway. He’s very stealthy.)
But we bring pie!