Welcome to the Elite Assholes Club!

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Guy Who Drives His Honda Civic With the Super Loud Exhaust Up and Down the Street Blasting Techno Music at Full Volume All Night for Absolutely No Reason,

Congratulations!

It is my supreme pleasure to inform you that you passed the test, and are now a full-fledged member of the Elite Assholes Club!

You are now in the company of legendary self-centered morons like:

[ul]
[li]Guy Who Considers Parking Space Markings to be Merely Suggestion[/li][li]Guy Who Waited For Ten Minutes and Still Doesn’t Know What He Wants When He Gets to the Front of the Line[/li][li]Guy Who Insists His Bag Requires Its Own Seat On a Crowded Bus or Subway Car[/li][li]Guy Who Uses His Leaf Blower At 500AM Every Single Day[/li][li]Guy Who Makes Everything Political[/li][li]Hitler[/li][/ul]

You will be pleased to know that our exclusive club requires no monetary dues to retain your membership; your only obligation to us is that you just KEEP DOING YOUR THING, preferably at times and places that maximize the disturbance, annoyance, and possibly even safety of everyone around you!

Suggestions for times and places to maximize the effectiveness of your particular area of expertise include, but are certainly not limited to:

[ul]
[li]Residential areas, from midnight to 500AM[/li][li]Libraries[/li][li]Funerals[/li][li]Retirement homes[/li][/ul]

Be creative! Find other members and combine your efforts for added effect! Adding gunfire is always a recipe for success!

We have no set meeting times or places. Just do your thing, and we’ll find YOU.

Sincerely,

Guy Who Steals From the Work Fridge
Local Chapter President

2

A Honda Civic?

I mean I could imagine someone being that assholish in a Trans Am or Hummer, but in a Honda Civic??? That’s a little sad, really.

3

I’ve noticed it a lot. Might be all they can afford. Little car, large diameter exhaust =

“Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee. Lousy with virility!”
“Shut that racket up!”
“I can’t, I’m Sandra Deeee!”

4

Please tell me it’s got a large rear spoiler.

5

Honda Civics are notorious for being souped up and made into something ridiculous.

I’d like to nominate the fellow I mentioned in the June rants thread:

My neighbor has a bike. It is a Harley and it is obnoxiously loud. But he doesn’t just drive it around, oh no. He sits in his driveway and revs it, for 20-30 minutes at a time.

What is he doing? No one knows. I can’t see him, because there is a hedge and a fence between us, but I have seen his bike before. I don’t know why he revs it. And revs it. and revs it. Does he care about the time? Nope. 6:30 am? Time for revving! 8:15 pm? Time for revving? Going out at 10:30 pm? Must rev it first! Then gun it all the way out of the neighborhood!

I just don’t get it. He is such a douchebag.

6

To paraphrase Billy Crystal’s Fernando, they would rather sound fast than to BE fast.

7

There’s a whole culture of assholiness associated with Honda Civics. You can tell them by looking at them; they’ll have a tail pipe as big as a coffee can, racing stickers plastered all over their ride, gaudy rims, and often a big-ass spoiler on the trunk. Often the stereo inside the car cost them more than the car.

There are a few things that the OP left out for this crowd.
Weaving in and out of traffic lanes.
Hogging the overtaking lanes on the highway. After all, they want to pass everyone, so they should never have to get their anemic little POS out of the way of the people who actually have enough power to maintain speed up a hill, right?

For the record, I used to drive a Civic. It was a total piece of shit, but it got awesome gas mileage. The little 1.6- (or was it 1.7-) liter engine did not like climbing hills at all. Heaven help me if I had a short on-ramp to a busy interstate!

8

Damn, I had no idea. Ignorance fought!

9

For more information on the subject Google “ricer”.

10

Ricers, like “rice burners” from the 70s when Japanese motorcycles came onto the market?

More information- do I want more information…?

Off to google…

11

Can I enroll the cyclist and the driver I saw a few days ago, the ones who came within a foot of a collision because they both ran the red light?

12

Wow. I have a Honda Civic, and the only thing “souped up” about it is a flag sticker on the bumper. I had no idea.

I don’t have a car stereo at all. I’ll make sure to keep the radio down.

13

Here ya go: http://www.riceboypage.com/

Although it hasn’t been updated in, like, forever.

14

More generally, Google “honda engine compatability” for guides to swapping out the stock motor for one designed for a larger, faster vehicle. Put one of those in the lightweight Civic body and douche it up, a quarter mile at a time.

15

AIUI assholed-up Civic sport coupes are popular with teenagers partly because their insurance rates are set as if they were the cheapo commuter sedan models, and they don’t really cost any more to buy. So, Daddy can be indulgent.

16

There was an advert over here a while back which had a similar theme. The camera slowly panned to show the driver, a hard-of-hearing old lady.

17

The sorry thing is somehow they think their 1600CC engines make them “Street Outlaws.”

What scares me is the day these brainless retards climb on a 200 MPH motorcycle and earn a spot on Darwin’s list at the expense of the motoring public.

18

Elite? Hardly – the Elite Assholes won’t take anyone with less than a Beamer.

Your guy is a Mundane Asshole, at best. Probably pointless too.

19

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

20

It’s not Honda Civics around here - the drivers of those vehicles are mostly family types. The local hoon car, at least where I live, is the Mitsubishi Lancer. The rest of the comments in the OP apply.

“Guy Who Makes Everything Political”. Plus an honourable mention to those who make every sodding thing about religion and use ‘blessed’ fifty times a day. No, that car parking space you just found was plain old luck, nothing to do with being ‘blessed’.