Just a week? Were it feasible to do so, I would have given notice right then and there.
Dammit, Kevbo, you beat me to my own similar story. And you topped it.
I did have one similar boss, though. I could fill six pages of a thread just describing what a nit the guy was. I’ll spare you the story of how he bought a diamond ring with company money, only to send it Fedex to his True Love. (Who had no idea who he was.)
But one story fits in here.
He was, and I think still is, a Sikh. He rejected all Judeo-Christian holidays. Which is fine, except one December he forbade all employees to take time off for the holidays. He even insisted that people work on the 25th. “I don’t believe in Christmas”, he said. He then used company money (our payroll, actually) to buy a plane ticket so he could go to an ashram and celebrate the Winter Solstice for a week.
I’m not the type to do that without a backup job. Besides, I had an extremely ill girlfriend at home. The loss of a paycheck could have damn near killed her. Literally.
::Mullinator walks into the Pro Shop::
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Jimmy Smith. Is he available?”
“Yeah, he’s around back near the golf carts.”
“Thank you.”
::walks around back::
“Jimmy? Jimmy Smith?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you carry are Mr. Nervous’s clubs last Saturday?”
“Who wants to know?”
“A concerned employee.”
“Yeah. What of it?”
“Come over here.”
“What? What the hell? What are you…is that a halibut? OH MY G…urggle…ack!”
Fair enough.
I would be a no-show the next time Mr. Nervous called for everyone to show up next time on a Saturday…and I wouldn’t take any phone calls…but I would go play some golf.
And I would rehearse the EXACT same words he used for his excuse, because I would say that exact same line (even duplicate his mannerisms) the following Monday morning when he asks.
His only response would have to be…“Touche.”
Followed by, “You’re Fired.” But you’re right, it would be hysterically funny.
Ducts and ceilings are too obvious. Tape something dead to the underside of his desk. I recommend a squid. Much smellier than a mere fish.
“Yeaaaah. Uh, Mullinator? I’m going to have to ask you to come in on Saturday. We got to play little catch-up. And, I’m going go ahead and need you to come in Sunday, too.”
I actually think you have a worse boss than Office Space. It just might be possible.
You know, there are very few people out there who could top my ex-boss. Congratulations. You win. Need help updating your resume?
CJ
This just screams “Pointy-haired Boss” to me.
I hope all of you that showed up are able to collect for a full 4-hours of OT. If not, any good office prank is definately called for.
You know, there are days when I have had just about enough of my boss’ antics, and I actually really LIKE the guy. It’s just that his “million miles a minute, therefore can’t find his own ass with both hands” schtick gets old.
But your guy…that little stunt was a thing of EEEEEEVIL!
It needs to be punished. I hope you find a way to do it that keeps your nose clean, though. I would hate to see poetic justice go sideways and wind up backfiring on you.
I think I’ll go buy my boss an ice cream.
You know, you can e-mail actual work occurrences as ideas for strips to Scott Adams. This one just screams “Dilbert”, IMO.
Both I and Mr. brown have e-mailed him ideas, and in each case he used them.
“Hey Mullinator…What’s happening…”
Your boss’s name wouldn’t happen to be Lumberg, would it?
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Oh come on…We were ALL thinking that!
You need a can of motor oil. Deposit a small patch underneath the Nervousmobile every day. Pretty soon he will take it to the garage to be fixed. Unfortunately, within a day or so the “oil leak” will reappear. 
This one can run and run, to the point that he is cursing and yelling at the garage down the phone for not fixing his car right. 
(With thanks to Scott Adams)
Oh, I LOVE it! So diabolical.
I think that you need to get this guy where it hurts. You mentioned golfing. Does he leave his clubs around and accessible? I’m not a golfer, but there must be something nasty that can be done with golf equipment.
The fine line here is how to let him know that this is a result of his thoughtlessness without people taking the heat for retribution.
It is clear that this action calls for multiple, long-term responses. One bonus is that I am pretty sure he will be in a different group before I fully repay that action. The grapevine is not being kind to his continued management potential.
That said, I am letting the games begin.
Clearly, all responses will be completely untraceable to me. I’d also like to avoid illegal activites and those of pure, wanton destruction. I kind of think I’ll theme it around the five senses.
Move the first (hearing):
You know those greeting cards that play a song when you open them? That same idea will be used here. I have a handy, Halloween card that features a scream. I plan to rig a drawer of his desk so that when he opens it, it will scream. Fairly easy to rig, likely to scare him at first then irritate him for a while, and sort of simple to find and undo. But, this is progressing in baby steps.
I reckon round 2 will deal with smell.
Or, pour it onto his engine, daily.
The leak, plus a strong smokey smell.
I’ve heard of doing that with the ones that play an annoying song, and putting it up in the ceiling right above their desk (above the ceiling tiles, if it’s a suspended ceiling), or like you said, rigging it to the back of a drawer so it plays whenever the person opens the drawer. Supposedly it’s just loud enough that you can hear it, but not so loud that you can track it down.
I would pour a bucket of premixed cement into his golf bag, if I had the chance.