Should he somehow remain as my boss until 2006, I am definitely adding these to the list. The bonus is that it sounds pretty likely that while he will be in the company, it won’t be long until he has no employees under him. However, until that actually happens, I consider it my solemn duty as a human being to keep up the antics.
So, the mystery of the screaming drawer has been solved (I now sound like either Nancy Drew or Jupiter Jones). The next attack will be two-pronged.
He likes to work in his office with the door closed and the lock engaged. To aid this desire, the penny in the door trick will be used. Don’t know what it is? When a door is closed, it still has a slight amount of jiggle room. So, when closed, lean up against the door with all of you weight to push it back. Then, slide as many pennies as needed between the door frame and door to take up the excess space. The deadbolt is then unable to move due to pressure and the person is stuck inside. The only way out is to remove the pennies which can be easily overlooked at first glance. It will only minorly inconvenience him, but will be enough to drive him bonkers.
Auto-replace in Microsoft Office. Revenue becomes testicle. Instead of just being his boss’ name (Sarah), it becomes Sarah, you have a smokin’ rack for an old gal. Random stuff like that. Good times.
Ah yes, a staple in my college dormitory, along with the opening of a record sleeve (a what?) filled with shaving cream slipped under the door and stomped. The old ones are the best ones, aren’t they?
Does he have kidney problems and drink lots of water? That’s a perfect time to keep him locked up. We had a boss whom nobody liked with that problem, and he was stuck in a broken elevator for hours. Purely an accident, but we all wish we had thought of it. It takes some skill, but if you can wedge the pennies *underneath * the bolt they can be harder to see when someone tries to get him free. Practice makes perfect… Can you disconnect his phone? People can always claim later that they never heard him shouting to be let out.
If we’re going to talk about old ones from college days, does anyone remember the flour, or dust from sweeping the hall, placed in front of the door bottom, then blown into the office/dormroom by a hair dryer?
Or, if he’s got a tile (not carpeted) floor, a mild nitrogen tri-iodide solution blown across the floor from under the doorway with a straw. Do this at night so the solution has time to dry out before anyone tries walking on it. If you’re not aware, the crystals that form are very unstable. Small vibrations or pressure, say from someone walking on them, will make them explode. (Hence the reccomendation for the mild, or dilute, solution.)
I’d bet large American dollars that he completely zoned out about the meeting and was too much of a wuss to 'fess up. Which makes him a double bastid.
Next time he calls a meeting, none of you should show up. When he comes looking for you, calmly explain that “it’s too beautiful of a day to spend in a meeting.”
