The missionary position, duh!
Only five minutes to get a response like that.
Damn I love this place.
I never answer the phone at night. (I’m wacked out most of the time on heavy duty antihistamines and will agree to just about any solicitation. Fun at parties but not really cost effective will telemarketers.)
One night last month, phone rings about 10:30 pm. I’m sound asleep. DeHusband answered the phone and the woman caller asked if DeVena was home. Thinking it was family emergency, he brings me the phone.
Is this DeVena?
Yes. Who is this?
Sonja. I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry Sonja, but I don’t know you.
Yes you do. Vena, He’s cheating on me again. That tramp just won’t leave us alone. She KNOWS he’s my man.
Ummmm…
Why would he do this? She’s my cousin. It’s not like I wouldn’t find out. And what about the kids?
I’m sorry. Sonja. Slow down. I don’t know you or these people you’re talking about. You’ve dialed the number.
I need to talk to a friend. Please. Are all men like this?
Turns out her common law husband had knocked up her cousin and had brought home crabs. And she had chosen me at random from the phone book. (We’re listed as DE, Husband & Vena.) She just needed to talk to someone. So I tried to follow the conversation but eventually told her it would be best for her to call a close friend. (But I can’t call them at 11 o’clock at night! But you can call a stranger. :dubious: )
I was nice enough to give someone a weird phone call, except they called me. I’d been in the hospital (there’s a thread; I don’t know what was wrong, but it was bad) under heavy medication (demerol and lots of it) when the phone rang. It was the first of 4 days and I’d only been there for an hour or so.
Ring!
Me: Hello.
Caller: Hi, how are you doing? Are you feeling okay?
Me: Uh, I’m okay. Who is this?
Caller: It’s Tom (name of a guy I worked with at the time, a friend)
Me: Heh, sorry. I’m totally stoned. They keep giving me demerol… (trail off into long babble about the wonders of modern medicine, praising the doctors for their needles, and wishing I could have demerol all day, everyday)
Tom: Uh, what? Carol?
Me: No.
Tom: I think I have the wrong room. Sorry.
My mom, who was in the room with me, finally decided to inform me that no one knew I was in the hospital yet.
:smack: Oh well, I hope he was entertained anyway.
But I thought all of those went by the wayside with the new national “Do Not Call” Act. I’ve never had a problem, never seen a notice, but always seem to get single-rings at 0400.
What, is it that the prior tenant had credit problems? I would have thought that a three-month absense, without a phone number, would have given me a random number without that stigma.
Tripler
Dammit, maybe I should call my phone company and demand a new number.
My dad’s phone number was very similar to a doctor’s office, so we’d get medical calls all the time.
About a year ago I got half a dozen or so calls from a number in Philidelphia. Everyone was pretty much the same:
Me: Yello?
Them (with much party-sounding background noise): Yo, whatsup?
Me: Uh, not much. Who is this?
Them: This is Leroy (The name changed a couple of times)
Me: Uh…who are you calling?
Them: [background]WOOO!YEAH!HEY MAN BUMP THIS SHIT!HEYHEY! [until I hang up]
The strangest I’ve gotten was on my parent’s house line
Call 1-
Me: Yello?
Them: [automated messagese] You have a collect call from MATT calling from a correctional facility. Do you wish to accept charges?
Me: Yes! (I have a friend named Matt and can’t imagine what he would have done to get arrested, so I was a little worried)
Matt: Dave, man, you gotta help me out
Me: Uh…who is this? (My name isn’t Dave. With a little investigation of my username, you might be able to figure out what it actually is)
Matt: Dave, dude, it’s Matt
Me: There’s no Dave here man. Sorry
Matt: Oh. Well can YOU help me then?
Me: Uh…probably not. Try to figure out Dave’s number
Call 2- A few days later
Me: Yello?
Them: [automated messagese] You have a collect call from MATT calling from a correctional facility. Do you wish to accept charges?
Me: Sure (I was woken up by the call, and it did sound like my friend)
Matt: Dave, man, you gotta help me out
Me: Uh…who is this?
Matt: This is Matt, man
Me: There’s no Dave here dude
Matt: Ohh. I should probably get his number huh?
Me: That’s probably a good idea
Call 3- A few hours after call 2
Me: Yello?
Them: [automated messagese] You have a collect call from MATT calling from a correctional facility. Do you wish to accept charges?
Me: Sure (By now I’m getting curious, and it’s not my dime)
Matt: Dave, man, I need you to…wait, there’s no Dave here is there?
Me: Nope
Matt: Oh, sorry bro
My home number is one number different than that of a local crappy shoe store. I get calls a lot asking me if I have shoes in a certain size. I always say yes and offer to put a pair up for the caller. I know it’s mean but dammit I’m tired of saying you have the wrong number all the time only to have the same damn fool call back a few minutes later. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
My folks kept getting calls very late at night for “Charlotte” or something like that. MY dad kept telling the caller(he said it sounded like the same person) that there was no Charlotte at that number. Finally, after being awakened at 1:30 AM dad grumped into the phone “Charlotte got tired of waiting, and went out with Joe” The caller seemed surprised, and they never heard from her again.
This isn’t a weird call, but a weird answering machine message. I think I’ve posted it before, but it’s still funny.
Last year, my grandparents went out of town for a few months and Harborwolf and I went to their house periodically to check things and listen to their answering machine. The greeting on their machine is my grandmother’s voice saying that no one is home and to leave a message etc. against a background of classical music. One day, we were checking the messages and a teenage girl’s voice practically shouted.
“Hi, it’s me. I’m just calling to tell you that you’re a sexy muthafucka!!!”
:eek:
Am I the only one who gets phone calls from people’s cell phones that are in their purses, pockets, etc?
Me: Hello?
(sound of muffled conversation, laughter, driving noises, etc.)
Me: HEY!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME!!! YOU ARE PAYING FOR THIS CALL!!!
(continued sounds as above, I hang up)
A couple months ago, my cell phone was in my back pocket, and it dialed my friend. I was unaware. My friend did not answer, and the call went to voice mail, where it recorded about two minutes of who-knows-what noises. My friend noticed a ‘Call Missed’ notification from my phone, and listened to the message, then called me back. “Dude,” he said, “I think your butt just called me.”
Weirdest phone call I got was when I worked at Turtle’s Music and Movies in Atlanta. We were really busy, so I answered the phone and asked the guy to hold. When I picked the phone up a couple of minutes later, he launched into an obscene phone call. :eek: This guy actually waited on hold for a chance to say something dirty… :dubious:
My brother’s phoen number used to be one number off of the customer service desk at Sears. He had this one old lady who used to call constantly, wondering about something she’d ordered and who just couldn’t believe she wasn’t talking to Sears. Finally, he took down her information, called Sears, and then called her back with the delivery info…
I get lots of calls on my cell phone for Lydia and Suzie, whoever they are.
My favorite conversation to date:
Them: Hi, Suzy!
Me: I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.
Them: This isn’t Suzy?
Me: No
Them: You sound just like her.
Me: I’m not Suzy.
Them: Do you know where Suzy is?
Me: I don’t know anyone named Suzy.
Them: But you sound just like her!
A couple of months ago we had a bunch of calls for an employee who had died in 1999! Finally, I started yelling “He died on 9/11” (true, but I didn’t say what year), and slamming down the phone.
Haven’t had any recently.
**Not my story. It was the basis of a romance novel. **don’t hurt me. **
A woman received a phone call from a guy friend of hers. Or so she thought. Both of them apparently were in the middle of a cold and commisserating.
Girl: How are you feeling?
Guy: Awful. Terrible day at work…blah blah blah
Girl: How is your sister doing with (whatever)?
Guy: Pretty good…
This mundania keeps up for about ten minutes.
Until someone says something that makes the other one go, " What are you talking about? Your mother died years ago…(or something like that)"
Turns out that he had misdialed.
It was a wrong number.
Imagine the embarrassment and chagrin.
What are the odds you could carry on a conversation with someone that you thought was someone else and wasn’t for ten minutes or so?
He called a couple days later to find out if she was over her cold.
Long story short, they ended up getting married.
Yay!
ring…
“hello?”
“…”
“hello?”
“…”
“hello?”
“…”
“goodby.”
ring…
(picks up phone , but before I can say hello?..)
“SASHIQUA! Bitch, Yo better get yo ass back home!”
(me)"…"
“SHASHIQUA!!! YO HEAR ME WOMAN???”
(me having dangerous fun…sounding like I’m holding the phone away from my face for a second.)
"no,no,no, babe…don’ say nuthin. Yo, man…Your woman is FINE!
"WHO DA FUCK IS THIS??? "
“The guy who AIN"T on the DOWN LOW, muthafuckah!” CLICK!
Half an hour later as I was walking out the door to my car going to work, a bling-bling-mobile screeches in front of my house and an irate black man stares at lil’ ol’ white me, :eek: ,my house, my mother…and apparently concludes I’m NOT the one doing his Shashiqua.
I was the instigator of a weird call.
The hubby and I were on our way to pick up a friend named Dave. I called the number I had for Dave in my cell phone.
ring ring
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Hello?
Me: Hi, Dave! It’s Pod. We’re on our way to pick you up. We’ll be there in about five minutes.
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Uh, this isn’t Dave.
[I should explain at this point that Dave has a strange sense of humor, and can do an impeccable deadpan voice. He also has a very distinctive and singular accent, which Guy Who Sounds Just Like Dave also had. *to a tee*.]
Me: Ha. Very funny.
Guy who sounds just like Dave: No, seriously.
Me: Seriously?
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Yeah.
Me: No way. You sound Just. Like. Dave.
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Well, I’m not Dave.
Me: Wow. Is this 555-1111?
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Yes, it is.
Me: Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have the wrong number down. But it’s totally weird, you sound just like Dave.
Guy who sounds just like Dave: Well, I’m not him.
Me: Oh. I’m so sorry to have disturbed you. Have a nice day.
I answered the phone about two weeks ago to this:
Caller: Hi…we were delayed because So and So couldn’t find her pumpkin shirt but we will be there in a few minutes.
Me: Oh, ok. See you soon.
::click::
No point in her wasting even more air time minutes recalling her friend with this message.
Your last name is Shitass? You don’t need to censor bad words on this forum though, we’re allowed to swear.
Get those all the time. Frustrating as all get-out.
I was woken up at 1.30am by an irate young man accusing me of calling up his home and swearing at his wife. He didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t, and I wound up yelling at him that I never said words like that, and it was 1.30 and I had been asleep until he woke me up! I hung up and kept expecting him to call back again and keep accusing me.
I still can’t figure out if he was crank-calling me, or if he really was in a wife-protecting rage.
Also, our last name sounds Asian, so we used to get a lot of calls from telemarketers–in Chinese.