The company that I will soon no longer work for has recently hired a “Wellness Manager”. What this basically means is that this woman sends us annoying happy little e-mails and sets up Weight Watchers classes - all while being paid more than us hardworking little peons could ever imagine.
So, I haven’t been getting her annoying e-mails lately, probably because she knows tomorrow is my last day so what’s the point.
Well, I just got an e-mail which was typed in the same annoying happy swirly purple font she seems to like so much. It said this:
"Some people are like Slinkies…
Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
Ok, I think, this is some creative new way to tell us not to let work stress get to us. I try to scroll down do see what other happy hippie crap she’s selling today but there is no down.
So, I read the message again, not yet fully understanding exactly what I’ve just been told. Finally, my overworked mind- not quite focused on the soon to be over crappy job - gets it. And I - ever the master of decorum, start laughing so hard I gave myself hiccups. All the other cube dwellers around me were looking over the walls, wondering who had the balls to be happy at work. That’s grounds for firing, that is. But, what do I care? If they fire me, I just get out of this shithole one day early.
BTW, the e-mail was actually from my coworker who knows how much I detest “wellness managers”.