While it’s easy to blame the “jocks” for their harassment of these boys, the blame goes a lot further. If we can emphathize with the killers and understand their rage, we can also understand the sick need for scapegoats and targets. It’s not just human nature, it’s animal nature for a group to select the weaker creature and force it from the group. Where we all fail is when we allow this behavior from day one.
As parents we teach our children that they are the “best” so they’ll have high self esteem. Sometimes, high self-esteem is just another way of saying “I’m better than everyone else.”
Then teachers reinforce that feeling of superiority-- especially for kids who are attractive or who are gifted in some way. How many teachers have turned a deaf ear to cruelty among student? I’m sure we’ve all seen instances where teachers even encouraged that kind of cruelty.
Even religions teach that some people are better than others, if not directly then by implication. We watch tv and absorb the message–scarcasm and wit at someone’s expense is cool and funny.
I think someone failed the “jocks” by not clearly teaching them to be considerate of others and by choosing not to supervise them to protect the weaker kids from the stronger. You know teachers, parents, and coaches must have heard some of the abuse of Harris and Klebold. Why did they allow it to continue?
We need to make greater efforts to teach kids how to be social and help the kids who are marginalized. I’ve seen it in my own family that that kind of marginalization starts early with kids who don’t seem to pick up on social cues or who look a little different or who don’t have the “right” clothes, etc.
But, as the parent of a teenager, I am stumped as to how one person can really make a difference. My daughter is a really nice kid. I think she is kind to people regardless of social standing. But, I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve warned her about being close to people who might be dangerous. I don’t want her reaching out and becoming best friends with the boy who has obvious mental problems. I don’t want her spending time with the girl who is drinking and doing drugs. I don’t want her to be involved with people who are frighteningly needy. I want her to be kind, polite, and keep her guard up. I expect her to speak up for others when they are treated poorly, but I don’t expect her to save them. Maybe that’s being a coward, but it’s also being realistic. I don’t want my daughter being stalked or shot.