"we're very protective of our friends," she said

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Last night was pretty cool for me.

I spent a goodly part of the afternoon and evening with some friends of mine, having a cookout, drinking my own style manhattans, enjoying a nothing day just hanging out.

We all brought our own steaks, and several of us brought our own liquor, the hostess provided the non meat part of the meal, and soft drinks. Kind of how we usually do it around here (except for the occasional fancy dinner party or hoidy toidy cocktail party).

Well, we cleaned up our hostess’ kitchen, mixed a few drinks, and sat around the den, talking.

Well, as a very few here know, I went through a very bad breakup recently. Well, this last year, anyways. And she isn’t a part of these friends circle of friends. We still have mutual friends, but these are “my people,” if you know what I mean.

Though I’m very good with talking to people and getting them to open up (their words, not mine), I’m pretty closed mouth about my deepest feelings. I felt really comfortable with these guys, tho. And I was very relaxed.

Well, out of the 10 or so people there, only two were a couple. All the rest of us were single for one reason or another, mostly because of recent divorce or failed relationships. So… we got into a bit of ex bashing.

“My ex-husband is a bastard. Screw him!” " My ex is a total ass. To hell with him!" and so on… They all turned to me. “What do you expect me to say?” I ask, “Fuck the bitch? I did.”

That kind of surprised them. So, I told them, “My anger is over. I don’t hate her. But I don’t want to be with her, either. It cost me too much.” They all knew what I meant.

That’s when I told them about her calling me and e-mailing me lately. This actually got them mad! wtf?

“Why would you get mad at me for telling you guys this?!” I queried.

And that’s when she said it. It was the married girl. Her husband was nodding in agreement as she said it. And all the rest of them concured.

She said, “We’re not mad at you, Steve. But, she hurt you so bad, and this news worries us. We’re very protective of our friends.”

Wow. At that moment, I felt closer to those people than I know how to explain.

Ever have a moment like that yourself? Or, just want to comment on this? Share and enjoy.

2

My friends and I are like that. There’s 7 of us, all friends since high school. We’re family. Some of us have really bad family problems, so there are times when we are each other’s only support network.
Two years ago my friend L’s mother died of spinal cancer. He was only 19. Parents divorced when he was young and he hates his dad. This summer he had to clean out her old house so it could be sold. We closed ranks and four of us stayed there until 4:30 cleaning out the closets and were there at 9 the next morning to finish moving it all out. I never really realized how close we all were until that.
One of the girls broke up with her boyfriend and we offered to go beat him up. (He hadn’t broken her heart or anything, we just hadn’t liked him. Her current boyfriend is also a dick (the girl has no taste) and we’re looking forward to the opportunity to pummel him, too.)
Every Christmas, without fail, we all come together for a party. It’s the one time of year we are all gauranteed to be there. We just had it at my house on Saturday and it was great as always. Friends like mine - and yours - are rare and I thank the gods for them. Sounds like you do, too.

3

Keep those friends!

What I wouldn’t give for some friends like yours…

I’m going through a divorce from a crazy woman who has accused me of all manner of abuse. Of course, everyone wants to believe her, so they’ve written me off. I’ve told those who are borderline “If you think there’s any truth to what she says, then don’t associate with me. Because I wouldn’t have anything to do with someone who did what she claims I’ve done.” A couple of people have taken me up on that, proving where they stand. Not that I can blame them.

The only bright point is that the increasing desperation of her lies is starting to trip her up. (She has to keep making up more to keep getting fresh sympathy) She can’t keep them all straight and a few people are starting to say “hey, wait a minute…I thought she said X last time”.

4

When my first boyfriend dumped me, broke my heart, et cetera… all my friends had liked him a lot, but when they found out, the conversation went something like this.

Friend 1: We’ll kill him!
Friend 2: Yeah!
Me: No, guys, you can’t kill him.
F1: Well, then we’ll just beat the crap out of him.
F2: Yup, beat him all to hell.
Me: No, guys, you can’t beat him up either.
F1: Well, then… we’ll… poke him with a stick?
F2: Stick!
Me: [laughing] I don’t think you can do that either.
F1: Well… then… um… we’ll glare at him, really mean-like!
F2: Yes! We will give him very dirty looks!
Me: [cracking up] Okay, that sounds great, you do that.

I love my friends. :slight_smile:

5

My friends from high school, one in particular who I was BEST friends with, all sort of went their separate ways.

One girl became a bona fide slut and I stopped hanging out with her because I don’t enjoy hearing about her sexual exploits AND moreso the fact that she leaves her son with any ol’ person while she’s out for a fuck. That makes me angry and I feel bad for her son.

Another good friend begged me to move into her apartment because she needed help with the rent (she told me she wanted us to have fun and be better friends which was a SCAM) and then she left two months later all the while assuring me she was staying for a year or more.

Another girl was too preoccupied with looks and money to remain a friend. I just don’t dig on shallowness very well and she cannot see someone without judging looks and keeping track of their income. She was pretty “surface” only, no depth or intellect so I stopped hanging out with her. Her idea of a “good” movie was one of those crappy teen/college flicks like, Dude, Where’s My Car?, UGH!

My best friend recently has come back into my life, back into my area but she’s changed too much to keep the title of best friend anymore so… I’m a wee bit sad (ok, very sad) but I have been introduced into a group of people that seem very cool and friendly so I’m hoping to be absorbed into their circle. Yes… pity me people. I am unable to keep pals or something. No, it’s more like I get tired of being crapped on by people who supposedly “care”. They don’t care.

In high school, these bad traits were just blooming or still undercover, and one can more easily shrug off the bad stuff back then because high school is just cliques. Once out of high school, real life takes hold and you just don’t have time for the shit you used to have time for. BAH, pardon my rant hijack here. I don’t mind not being pals with these people anymore, it’s not my fault they turned into such petty and slutty girls. I’m just glad they don’t clutter up my life with useless shit anymore.

Besides, my SO and I are best friends now, the new group of pals are down-to-earth and into the things I’m into, which makes social events more fun for everyone! The above mentioned chicks would have “died” if they were made to attend Renfest or sci-fi con, they’d laugh at my RPG SO and pals, think us all dorks and geeks. They’d sneer at my Shakespeare collection and signed Gary Oldman Dracula theater poster, and giggle at my gargoyle collection. It’s funny… I hid my hobbies back then in high school to fit in (silly, eh?) but now, I could care less who thinks I’m a dork or weirdo. I love being me.

6

Proper friends do such things, say I.

Sounds like you have a bunch of them.

7

I know two, no, three communities like that. One of them, believe it or not, is this place. Three years ago, I ventured into the Pit to rant about how much depression and the occaisional Employee Assistance Program sucks and to my utter amazement I was surrounded by a bunch of people supporting me and offering me help.

The second one is a different message board where I recently got quite a bit of good advice.

The third one – don’t laugh! – is Mensa. Yeah, I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either, and I can hear you lot laughing over the modem. It’s only a subgroup of Mensans, and you can keep the arrogant types, but there’s a bunch of good ones. The night I met the two guys who talked me into joining up, I remember praying, in effect, “Lord, I don’t know what hit me, but can it please hit me again!!!:D” Remind me to be careful what I ask for! :rolleyes:

Nowadays, what with all 3 groups, all I can hope is to be worthy of my friends.

Neat, ain’t it!
CJ

8

In 2002 I was laid off from a start-up that was going out of business. For a variety of reasons I didn’t have a new job for about 8 months and money was getting VERY tight. I was at a party with a small group of friends, all of whom are successful. At various times through the day, each of them came and quietly asked if I needed some money. Both husbands and wives would ask, each thinking the other didn’t know. Not that they were hiding it, they were just trying not to embarass me in front of the others.

How can a man count himself poor when he is so rich in friends?

9

Khadaji, it’s like that scene in It’s A Wonderful Life when George’s younger brother, the good-looking war hero, raises his glass to his brother and says “To my big brother George, the richest man in town!” I always get a little teary eyed at that one.

10

We’re very protective of our friends. :smiley:

11

I feel that way about the BADs (Bay Area Dopers). When Demo and psycat90 got married in Vegas in June, most of us trooped out to the desert for the festivities. It was so funny, meeting their families, answering “So, where do you know them from?” with “Well, um, the internet.” Because we’ve all known each other for so long offline and are all such good friends that it seems funny now that we did originally come together through the SDMB.

12

NoClueBoy, are you my ex? If you have an Australian Bue heeler and live in Colorado, then yikes! Sorry!

Yes, I’m one of those girls who is calling and emailing her ex. We broke up about a year and a half ago, and I am really starting to think that was a bad thing to do. I know, you’re all going “Get over it!!” but sometimes I think that we were just going through really hard stuff at the time (isolation from family, pregnancy and abortion, getting fired, truck dying, best friend moved away) and taking it out on each other. No one has ever made me feel anywhere close to the way he made me feel, and I think I’d like to try again. I think we just had a really bad patch and I freaked and left. I know I hurt him, and he hurt me, but life isn’t always easy, even if you’re in love.

So here’s a point of view from the other side of the fence. Good friends are great to have, and of course they want to protect you, but love conquers all. My friends are telling me I’m an idiot, reminding me how angry I was right after the breakup, etc. And they are right, it is a risky path to tread. But I still dream about the guy. I still miss him whenever I’m somewhere amazingly beautiful, no matter who I’m with. I miss his DOG, for crying out loud. People do break up and get back together sometimes, after all.

Maybe, NoClueBoy, your ex is feeling the same way I am. If so, either decide you feel the same way and go for it, or shoot her down now before it goes any further. You are lucky to have some good friends who will see you through whatever you do.

13

I have a story almost exactly like that, except instead of saying “we’re very protective of our friends,” they all nodded silently and changed the subject, and then a week later they mailed me her severed head, boiled clean to the bone.

Good times.

14

Hehe.

Whenever I complain to one of my friends about my F(fairly).S.O, she starts yelling: “Tell him to fuck off! Get rid of him! How dare he upset you like that!” Needless to say, when I get mad that he hasn’t been in contact for a couple of days, I now keep it to myself. I did warn her that I would never let her meet him, and she said: “If you like him, I’ll like him”, but… he makes me angry at times, but I don’t want him dead just yet.