I figured I’d just put it out there to the dope that the boyfriend has officially split up with me. You guys have been very helpful in the past when I was wanting to surprise him with a ring, or when I wanted to buy a new dog with him together. Because y’all were so nice to me I figure it’s only fair that I informed you.
I’m not really fishing for sympathy (but I’ll take it) or anything. I’m having a really tough time, of course, because to me he really was everything I ever wanted and I was just SO sure that we were going to be together forever, raise a family together, buy a house together, and blah blah blah.
I feel kind of stupid because we weren’t even together for two years, and there are so many of you here who have been in relationships for decades, some that failed and some that are still going strong. So I’m sure that this all seems rather trivial and such to those of you who are older and wiser. To me, of course, it just feels like crap and like a part of me is dying, and you know all that.
So, hugs and thank you all for your support. I am going to do my best to keep my chin up and remain hopeful, but it is very hard. He is happier now, though. And that makes me happy.
try and concentrate on yourself.
Try and keep busy
Sometimes I think it helps to remember millions/billions have been where you are, the pain will eventually go away, and each day is just a tiny bit better than the last
Thanks DataX. Every day is just a little bit better than the last, even if it doesn’t feel like it, even when I have a bad day… that’s still a day closer to when I’m all better
God, I’ve been with my guy for sixteen years and your concerns don’t seem trivial. Your heart is broken. You need time for it to heal. All of our hearts break.
Cut him out of your life, at least for a little while, and live your own.
Anaamika. We live together and have a lease together, so it’ll be difficult to cut him off completely. I do want to try to be friends with him. He doesn’t have any ill feelings towards me, he just doesn’t feel we aren’t compatible. So, we don’t have any bad blood or anything. Our lease is up in June though, so, it won’t be too long anyhow. He says he’s planning on staying with friends whenever I’m back in Houston (I work offshore for 28 days at a time).
I was in that position (despair and agony over a relationship’s end) quite a few times in my life. I’ve now been happily married for 20+ years. There’s nothing stupid about what you’ve experienced or what you’re feeling. Give yourself time to grieve but keep in mind that you will go on to have other loving relationships and friendships.
I’m sorry to hear that. Keep your chin up, try to get some good EXHAUSTING exercise in every day, and make sure to take care of yourself physically - you don’t have to go all “revenge body” on him, but no turning into a couch fungus either.
In other news, I want specifically to encourage you to work on being “just friends.” You’ll have lots of people telling you that it’s not possible, that it’s not a good idea, that it’s just prolonging the “natural” inevitable separation - that’s all bullshit.
However, it is going to be awkward as hell for the first year or so, and then every once in a while for the rest of the friendship, it’ll be awkward as hell on a momentary basis. If you can’t deal with that, then be warned.
If you can - I think that it’s awfully worth it. If someone was an important part of your life, it just seems wrong to me to try and pretend that they don’t exist any more, simply because the romantic portions of the relationship didn’t work out.
Suggestions for staying friends: Try to work out PLATONIC things to do together. Go out a lot with groups of friends. Cultivate non-romantic interests that you have in common (best to pick PUBLIC ones, and ones that don’t involve intoxication, at least for the first few years). Enlist other mutual friends or relatives to help buffer you past the awkward parts - go out in groups and don’t be “with” each other like a couple - just be in the group as separate individuals. Avoid doing anything that you did regularly as a “date” or a romantic gesture for each other.
I’ve got two ex-boyfriends, and one of them is my best male friend, and the other would be a close friend if he hadn’t moved away to find work - as it is, he’s still a good long-distance friend.
Thank you for the kind words and good advice. We are going to try to be friends I’ve remained friends with some of my exes for some time so I do know it is possible, although difficult, especially as you say at first.
Like I said there are no hard feelings, no arguments or painful words or any reason to dislike each other. So, it won’t be quite so difficult to be friends because there isn’t any resentment. Of course, it will be a lot easier for him than for me, since I’m the one who’s still in love, but I can do my best to not focus on that.
I have been exercising a lot, even more than I usually do It does help!
I’m sorry. Losing a relationship is never easy, or fun, and you’re getting good advice here.
I think that mixed in with all the pain of ending a relationship can be an opportunity to grow, to figure out what worked and what didn’t, and to carry that knowledge into your new relationships.
Any way you slice it, it’s hard to endure. Best wishes to you.
Agreed about the growing thing, LouLou. I know that after my first semi-successful relationship I took a long time reflecting and becoming a better person.
My most current relationship was a resounding success compared to the last one, and we both agreed we have grown as people. My now exboyfriend has nothing but warm feelings for me, and he thanked me for helping him become a better person, as did I for him. And I still have more growing and reflecting to do as I look back on our time together and such.
I know that in my next relationship I will be even better and even more successful, and I will know more about who may or may not be compatible with me.
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup drew. I remember your ring thread and wished you well. Here’s a hug and my best wishes for getting through the hard part and moving on! Take care!
People on this board were here for me during my breakup. We’re all rooting for you because you’re awesome. Take things slow, love yourself, and have faith you’ll be even better than you were before in no time Take good care of yourself ok?
I’ve remained friends with some of my exes for some time so I do know it is possible, although difficult, especially as you say at first.