I’m home sick, yet another day, and Montel has on this mom who leaves her 12-year-old to take care of his two younger siblings. He gives them dinner, puts them to bed, basically does everything for them while she’s at work. I can’t imagine being left to fend for myself as a child. My mom stayed home with us, and there was probably not one day that she wasn’t there to get us off the bus and give us our snack and everything.
My friend in high school practically raised her little sister. Her mom was mentally ill, and her dad was a truck driver. I remember her being responsible for dinner and keeping the house clean and all sorts of adult things her mom really should have been doing.
So, were you a latch-key kid? If so, how much time did you spend home alone? Do you think it was bad or was it just necessary for survival? Also, at what age do you think it’s ok to leave children home alone?
I remember being given my own house key when I reached middle school. My mom hadn’t worked before that, but when I was about 12 or 13, she took a job as the librarian at my former elementary school. I never had much responsibility for my brother, who was two year younger, though, and she was always home before dinner time.
My kids are 7 and 5 now, and they are never alone in the house or the car for more than a minute. I can see leaving them for brief periods at 12 or 13. I was babysitting by that age.
I was a latchkey kid. I started in the third grade coming home alone after school. I spent summers with my Nana.
When my brother got a little older (8 I think) he joined me in latchkey kiddom. I was responsible for being home to let him in, supervise his homework, getting chores done.
By the time I was 17 I was in charge of all the household finances, upkeep, groceries, cooking, cleaning and mothering duties like parent conferences, getting him to and from doctor appointments and other such things.
I stay home with my kids. They are 3 1/2 and 1. I think it depends on the maturity level of the kid but I wouldn’t want a child under 12 coming home to an empty house. I did it as a kid because I had to. I didn’t like it myself as it was lonely and boring. I couldn’t play outside, talk on the phone or have friends over and I was home alone from 3-5:30 on a normal day.
I was a latchkey kid from the time I was 6. My mom used to drop me at a friend’s house in the morning before school, but after school, my brother (14) and I were there alone. I went to the friend’s house before school until I was about 8. After that, I was responsible for getting out of the house and to school in time.
During the summers, I was usually enrolled in Day Camp. I was responsible for getting myself up and to the bus stop, and home again at the end of the day.
My brother was away at college from the time I was 10, so I was completely on my own mornings and afternoons after that.
It wasn’t a big deal to me. I was a very mature kid (when I was about 10, my mom told me I was probably about ready for my own apartment…she was only half kidding). I never got into any trouble and I knew if I needed to, I could call my mom at work. We lived in a very safe neighborhood and I never felt scared. Although, one of my friends - a latch-key kid, also - had someone break into the house while she was there alone. She called me from the upstairs closet while the guy was rummaging around downstairs. That was pretty scary.
So, I don’t know. I don’t look back at my childhood as bad in any way. Both of my parents worked and that was the way it was. It’s interesting, though, that my husband and I have made loads of sacrifices in order for me to stay home with our son. My brother and his wife have done the same thing.
I was a latch-key kid starting full-time in third grade. I went to Kinder Care up until the very end of first grade. Second grade is when we moved to our last house and I usually went to the Boys and Girl’s Club up until third grade when my parents let me stay home alone.
There were a few incidences when I got in trouble for breaking the garbage disposal, inviting friends over, and not letting my mother know I was home after school for a while (one of these times happened during the LA riots when I went over to my friends house and didn’t tell my mom. Even though I lived in Vegas, there were smaller riots there and I got into HUGE trouble). I quickly learned after that to follow the rules and everything went OK. I believe I was home from about three to six in the afternoon.
While I wasn’t a “latchkey” kid in the true sense of the word, I was very much like the boy mentioned in the OP. My mother worked full time and was always involved in tons of after-hours stuff too. She was a teacher, so there were extra-ciriculars, meetings, volunteer work, sports, etc. etc.
That left me and my sisters home without her very frequently. My father worked 7 days a week, and would be home in the evenings as an adult presence. But the majority of the cooking/cleaning/childcare was left to me and my older sister. I hated it usually, because it seemed like a total drag. But looking back now I wouldn’t have spent that time doing anything more important than watching TV or reading, so it’s hardly a huge hole in my childhood, you know?
As to the belief that this is inappropriate because it should be “mom’s work”, I disagree. A family consists of all the members, and the work should get spread around. If mom is working, or sick, or otherwise absent then it is a child’s responsibility, as a family member, to do what they’re able. And most kids, barring mental problems, should be able to sweep a floor, bathe a toddler, or cook a meal by 10 at the very latest. Sheltering children to the point where they’re incapable of caring for themselves or others does them no good in the long run, IMO.
I agree with Belladonna. there’s no reason a 10 year old can’t learn to cook a meal. I do think we infantalize our kids, very much to their detriment. Historically, a 12 year old would not only be doing the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry and watching her 5 siblings, she’d be preparing her wedding chest and getting ready to get married to the dolt her father picked! To say kids are “too little” to help out is really underestimating the abilities and contributions kids can make.
I was a latchkey kid from 2nd grade on. In 2nd and 3rd grades, I would first check-in with a neighbor before going home. I had a pretty strict routine: check in with Mrs. Rush, come home, put in a load of laundry, start homework. When the washer buzzed, the laundry got put in the dryer and I’d start dinner. While dinner was cooking, I’d finish my homework, and by the time dinner was ready, my homework was done and mom was home. If there was no laundry, I’d vacuum and dust, sweep and mop or clean the bathroom or kitchen (one chore per day). After dinner, we’d fold the laundry together and put it away.
Of course, when I started, I wasn’t too good at some of these things. “Dinner” was likely a casserole mom made on the weekends and froze. Preheating the oven, baking the casserole and making a salad was no big deal. I got better at vacuuming and dusting in time.
You’d think all this early training would turn me into Martha Stewart - and, in a way, it did. I can tell you the best cooking and cleaning techniques - but I have no motivation for it. I’m a total slob. I drive my husband nuts.
As to whether or not I liked it. that’s a hard one to answer. I certainly liked having the freedom. There was no one around to tell me I couldn’t blare music and sing along at the top of my lungs. I spent a lot of time dancing naked in the living room. But overall, I resented the hell out of having to do so much more housework than my friends. In the long run, though, I don’t think it was at all damaging. Happiness is overrated - responsibility and life skills are far more valuable.
Latchkey kid from 2nd grade on. Maybe an hour or two two or three afternoons a week.
Was it bad. No. I’d get home. Have a snack. Do some homework. Play inside or outside or watch cartoons. And then my mom would be home.
Was it necessary for survival. No. We weren’t rich, but middle class. My parents could have fed us and made house payments without my mom working. Mom working let us have “small luxuries” - small ones (like a trip to Mammoth Cave - we lived in Louisville - or lots of Santa presents, a week at the lake once a year, dinner out) not big ones (like ski vacations).
What age. Depends on the kid and the circumstances you are leaving them alone for. My six year old isn’t quite ready (the five year old definately isn’t), but he probably will be ready for me to run to Target for half an hour in the next year or two if the neighbor is home. The neighbor has been calling me for a year (her kids are seven and nine) to say she’s leaving them for a few minutes - will I be home if there is a problem. My daughter will probably need to be older. Like others here, I started babysitting other people’s kids at 11 - so it seems reasonable that an eight or nine year old should be able to be responsible for themselves for a few hours.
I tend to believe that sheltering kids is just as bad as not protecting them…I was away to college at seventeen, summer camp at eleven (where I have only the vaguest recollection of teenaged camp counselors not paying attention to us). The school district will let a ten year old with a watch go on a field trip to the amusement park (chaperoned only in the adults ride the buses and are stationed somewhere in the park to handle problems)
Latchkey kid from 3rd grade on. One sibling who, by that time, was out of the house. I was required to call my Mom the minute I walked in the door and to this day I still call my mom right when I get home from work. But not every day. Every OTHER day.
I would watch TV, play with neighborhood kids until mom got home. I wasn’t required to do chores during that time of the day, it was “Me” time.
One huge difference between then (25 years ago) and now though is that if something happened, I KNEW neighbors would take care of me. That isn’t so true now. LilMiss (age 10/ 5th grade) will stay home if I go grocery shopping or to run errands- a couple of hours at the most. She has never been left alone all day or at night. I take that back, she did stay home one night and my cell phone nigh on blew up: “Mom, when are you going to be home?” Soon. “Mom, is it soon yet?” Almost. “Mom, you’ve been gone thirty minutes already!”. She wants to stay home all day, but I know she’s not ready for it.
Sometime during third grade I’d just had enough of the horrible woman taking care of me after school and my parents let me stay at home alone. At first I was a bit afraid, jumping at every noise, but after about a week I was fine. In fact, it was good for me since I was responsible for doing my chores and homework before everyone got home. The time away from my little sister was fantastic, too.
If my mom had stayed home, she’d have gone crazy and taken us kids with her.
My childhood experience was very much like tanookies although I think we were alone until after 6. Lot’s of chores, no phone, couldn’t go outside or to a friends to play.
Our son didn’t stay alone at all until he was in middle school, even then it was really rare for him to be alone for much more than an hour here or there.
You’re definitely right about that. We were pretty spoiled as far as our mom went. She pretty much did everything, although we had chores and stuff, but never as many as most of my friends. She would literally have cookies baking when we walked in after school.
But, childhood was far from fairytale-like. My dad drank a lot when we were kids and there were often weird guys he worked with around partying and stuff. It wasn’t like we were abused or anything, but sometimes I think my mom did so much because she was making up for my dad’s lack.
So, we weren’t sheltered, but we were far from on our own.
Latchkey kid from the 3rd grade too. I had two younger brothers that came home with me; I also had two even younger brother and sister who went to a babysitter. It was cool during the school year; we’d have the house to ourselves from 3-6; so we did our homework and chores. Listened to music and TV, much like WhyNot. When I was 11 I was in charge during the summer vacation. That was the only time I remember it sucking. I could see all my friends riding bikes and playing tag, and I was glued to the house until 6. I got over it though, and I got extra freedom for being responsible.
In our case it was definitely survival. My Mom rose us mostly by herself, with the occasional help from my drunken stepfather, who was in jail as often as not. Still we lived in a comfortable blue-collar neighborhood, and we weren’t the only latchkey kids on the block. The only real trouble I can remember is all of us being really worried one night when my Mom was really late getting home due to a bad snow storm.
Now I have kids of my own. The wife and I work from home. Naomi’s a Martha Stewart clone who likes to have snacks ready when they get home, but we’re also raising them to be self-sufficient. Both the older two boys have there own dinner night; the youngest gets his first night this weekend, meaning he’ll get Friday night and the oldest will move to Sunday and more complicated meals. The wife and I can typically leave the oldest in charge to run to the grocery store or elsewhere for an hour or two.
When we were as young as 6, my twin sister and I would hop off the school bus and walk into an empty house. Sometimes a fifth-grader would babysit for us…sometimes she wouldn’t. We would be home alone for a couple of hours before our parents got home. We survived, but sometimes it wasn’t picture-perfect.
For one thing, we were always locking ourselves out of the house. We weren’t very adventurous, so our parents rarely had to worry about us wandering off of the front porch. But in retrospect, it was far from an ideal situation, especially since we lived in a not-so-safe neighborhood. I remember once, when we were in the first grade, we got locked out and walked down the street to our sister’s friends house. Two hours later, we returned to find a front yard full of police cars and a hysterical mother. We were sent to our bedroom, but we weren’t punished. We were only six-years-old, for Pete’s sake. If something bad had happened to us, we would have been entirely blameless IMHO.
When I got to high school, I started having these recurring nightmares about coming home to find the house robbed and the burgular lying in wait for me. They never stopped me from going home, but I do remember being apprehensive whenever I would put the key in the door.
There were a few times when I wished my mother was home when I got there, like when I would be overwhelmed by homework or school stress. But mostly, I liked the home-aloneness. We could fill up on junkfood and watch TV and procrastinate doing house-chores. We could enjoy “adult-free” space. I think being a latch-key kid helped to make me more independent.
I started as a latchkey kid a bit later than some in this thread, from 2nd or 3rd year of secondary school – 7th/8th grade right? I’d leave school at 3.30 and the parents would be home around 5.30 (on the three days a week Mum worked). If the weather was fine I’d take my time coming home as I’d stand chatting to the friend I walked home with. I’d prepare an evening meal for me, Mum and Dad but wouldn’t have major cleaning to do. As I got older the meals were less things out of packets and more things I made myself. Apart from the cooking I would usually get on with some homework, play records or read, and in the summer I’d mooch around the garden and play with the cat. I enjoyed the freedom and the feeling I was being “grown up”. As “payment” I got extra pocket money, quite a generous amount but I bought my own toiletries cosmetics and clothes other than shoes and coats out of it. Looking back I was pretty lucky
There is one bad thing I remember from earlier on. Mum started a lunchtime job when I was in first year of secondary (6th grade). About half way through the term I was off school with whooping cough. After a couple of days Mum went back to work because I said I would be OK. What I didn’t tell her was that while she was out I would get terrible coughing fits where I would be really panicky because I couldn’t get my breath. I thought if I said anything she would stay off work and lose her job…
I was a latch-key kid from the time I was 8. My two sisters and I (all 8 years old at the time) were under the “care” ( :dubious: ) of our brother. It was not a problem.
My dad died when I was 10. After a year, I was a latchkey kid after school.
When I was 14-16 my mom would leave for the weekend sometimes to go to Toastmistress conventions. She’d come home Friday night after work, make sure I had sufficient food (pizza and sandwiches) for the weekend, give me $20 and then come home on Sunday night.
I was a little scared the first time or two but then realized that I could have friends over, throw parties, make out with the neighbor girls without worries about getting caught, etc. It was a blast.
We lived in quiet suburbia in a small city. The only trouble to worry about was what I created.
Then I blew it all by rolling a car and getting a DUI when she was 400 miles away. Not a fun call - "Mom, I’m at the police station and . . . "
In retrospect, I don’t what the hell she was thinking because I WAS a teenager. But I was a very mature kid (evidence notwithstanding). I had even bought my own beer the night I rolled the car.
But if I had truly been a little bit more/less mature it would have worked out fine.
I think it was necessary if she was going to have a life of her own after my dad died. We had no relatives in town to stay with. I still feel bad for screwing up what was a good thing for her and I.
If I had kids, I would let them latchkey from ages 8-12 and again at 22. I wouldn’t let them stay alone overnight. yMMV
I was one from about ten. My sister (two years older) and I didn’t experience any hassles with it.
Now, my son is seven and his mother and I are shiftworkers (she’s working two jobs). If we can’t be there to look after him during a shift, we send him to a babysitter, but of late we’ve been leaving him at home for up to an hour due to logistical problems with shift changeover. He is doing okay with this. Actually, he’s usually asleep anyway because it tends to be at night. I tell him if he wakes and feels frightened to get out of bed, turn on all the lights and put the TV on. He knows not to answer the door or the telephone. He has my cellphone number memorised, and I have also started doing emergency fire drills with him, so he knows how to get out of the house several different ways (how to throw the latch on the internal garage etc). He’s also a pretty good kid with regards to poisons, hot stoves, knives, power outlets etc. He knows the emergency number 000 (like 911), and his school has been teaching him fire safety. I still worry and feel guilty though.
Soon I’m going to have to start extending that up to two or three hours at a time because currently I’m refusing overtime to be home with him and it costs me $50 a shot in lost wages.
Another latch key kid here. My mom was a single parent, and often worked shifts. For a couple of years between grades 1 and 3, I went to my aunt’s after school. But after that, it was home alone. Spent my summers with my grandparents.
I had a baby-sitter from first-third grade (a high school student of my father’s that he knew pretty well), but after that I was on my own. Never really had any problems, I’d come home, watch TV, play in my room, read, play in the backyard, or whatever until Mom came home (she was an elementary school teacher, and so was usually back by 3:30 or 4. My father taught high school and coached after class, so was usually back around 5:30 or 6). I knew the basics of kitchen survival, so was able to fend for myself without causing any more damage than putting bowls in the sink without rinsing them first.
