You remind me of my wife. She hated the lessons, but got her license in IL, but didn’t drive much then. Then we moved to Montreal and she could not walk to the market so easily. So she took lessons again, utterly unnecessarily, and got a licence here. She then drove, even downtown. But then our small car broke down, we had two kids in college and I bought an old clunker that she refused to drive. Another old clunker later, the kids were finished and I got a nice new Honda Civic wagon, but she still refused to drive. And still won’t. The problem is she feels incapable of making a decision on the fly. She was a good driver, BTW. I would really appreciate help driving and I would also appreciate not having to chauffeur her around, but such is life.
For me, I just did it without giving it much thought.
I grew up in a rural area and we had a lot of land with private roads. I started learning to drive when I was 12, could drive around town by myself when I was 14 (illegally) and got my full driver’s license on my 15th birthday (Louisiana - we grow them up faster). I was never scared although I should have been. I did some dumb shit in my teenage years but always managed to walk away with minimal damage. Some of my friends weren’t so lucky and the body count is high and still growing. I just lost a young coworker a few months ago to a freak driving accident probably exacerbated by his lack of experience.
I am closing in on the million mile driving mark now and, thankfully, I have never had a serious accident but my commute makes it painfully aware that could change at any time. I had had to deal with two very serious accidents that I witnessed in the last few years alone.
My daughter is 15 and will be eligible to start driver training in a few months but I am skeptical that she will be able to do it well. She is too timid and fearful to make quick decisions especially for Boston style driving but she has to start somewhere. I am surprised that anyone thought it was a good idea to give me a full license at her age.
I remember when I was young thinking to myself “Driving looks so crazy complicated! I’ll never be able to do it!” When it came time to get my license (which is crucial for any teen in the suburbs, that’s just life) I eased my mind by thinking pretty much what Majestic Lee says - not only do millions of people do it but millions of very very stupid people do it and I am not stupid so I should be able to do it. Not saying that everyone else in the world is stupid but of all the drivers out there, millions of them are dumber than me and they drive safely every day.
It actually still fascinates me, 22 years later, that driving feels so natural and we can all log so many miles without incident. But once you get the hang of it, it really is quite easy. And there’s enough people out there doing well and paying attention that if you do make a mistake, they have the skill to not hit you.
I used to think driving was crazy complex but the actual mechanics of it really aren’t. Once you know the pressure you need for gas and break and how the wheel plays, you’re fine.
It’s everyone else that you need to worry about. My instructor made me drive down the main drag of my town during the middle of the afternoon in my second lesson (I white knuckled it) and after that, I wasnt scared any more.
I was 13 or 14 when my dad took me and my sister out on a totally empty dirt road and had us drive for the first time. For our initial venture, it was strictly a 10 mph excursion, getting comfortable with steering the vehicle, not much opportunity to do damage or get into trouble.
A couple sessions later, we were beginning from a full stop and practicing the clutch, going through the gears, which also meant getting up to 40 mph.
By the time I had my learner’s permit (making it legal for me to be behind the wheel on a public road) I had the basics of vehicular control down, and now it was about sharing the road with other drivers. Signaling, adjusting for other drivers’ behaviors, learning to maintain a following distance, learning to watch the rearview mirrors and adjust to people coming up from behind, making left-hand turns and accelerating onto highways from onramps and, finallly, passing slower cars on two lane roads.
Our “internship” behind the wheel was taking our shifts on cross-country family trips from New Mexico to Georgia and back, just racking up the long experience-miles.
I recommend the gradual method. Trying to learn all that stuff all at the same time on a congested public road is intimidating to lots of people.
Not at all. I was 12 the first time Mom took me to an empty JC Penny’s parking lot late at night (when no cars were there) and told me to go for it. What’s more, the car was a stick shift.
Age 10 or so, on a farm, in a crusty rusty Valiant we got basically wrecked and used for hauling stuff too small to justify a tractor. No fear because the car was worthless (and we treated it that way) and anything I could hit was ours. My first adventures onto the road were motorcycle and again that sense of fearlessness that comes with youth and stupidity. When I finally got around to driving a car on the roads I knew enough, and had enough miles under my belt, that it was no big deal. One of the nice things with a rural/ish upbringing.
I learned in a school parking lot after hours when my dad took me for that. I was able to easily drive around the lot, no fear. Then he let me drive home, I didn’t at that time know how to stay in a lane, and took 2.5 out of 3 lanes in my direction to do that, it was only about 300 feet of road traveled, but I didn;t realize how unresponsive the steering was due to the forgiving, go anywhere, ability I had in the school parking lot.
I had no problems learning to drive but that’s because I rode around with my parents in a country that drives on the right side of the road. If I went to the UK I’d be very uncomfortable with left side driving and roundabouts. I don’t like roundabouts in the US. Reversing them would be strange.
Not in the least. Driver’s Ed was a credit course (elective) in High School. The younger of the two DE teachers was considered the coolest guy in school. He took three of us out at a time in his car, which had an additional brake pedal in the shotgun seat footwell. “Drive for about 20 minutes,” he would say, then doze (relax) while we three took turns acting all cool and shit. It was a blast.
A great deal of that is due to experienced drivers giving them plenty of “slack”. Every time someone fails to merge into traffic at a decent speed and yet nevertheless finds an open slot waiting for them, it’s because a better driver was watching out and arranged things to make that happen. Every time someone backs from a parking space out without using their mirrors properly and manages not to hit someone, it’s because someone else was on the ball and backed out of the way before a collision could happen. Every time they’re in dense traffic and find their poor reaction time never causes a rear-ending, it’s because the person ahead of them was anticipating the flow of traffic several cars ahead and never had to slam on the brakes.
And so on. One day you’ll be able to provide the same benefits for the less experienced drivers around you.
I was scared to drive. I had been in a car accident (with a fatality) prior to getting my license, so I had a driving phobia to overcome. I took lessons from a great, patient teacher. I drove with my dad (in his Jetta - standard transmission) and I drove in the military (I actually had my military license before my civilian one).
The lessons were just fine-tuning before my test. The first time I drove alone was weird, but I drive all the time now.
I wasn’t particularly terrified but I was scared. What did it was the fact that getting out of the street my house was located on involved merging onto a 55mph highway. No other way. And I almost always had to cross two lanes, sit in the median, and wait for a gap on the other side as cars barreled down within inches of me at 62mph (because who goes the speed limit eh). Then, of course, someone could come up across from me in the median wanting to turn the other way, sitting there blocking my view. That felt harrowing for at least half a year before I finally got used to it, but even now I don’t like making that turn, and I still don’t like big city driving. There’s a lot to pay attention to, no matter what people say. In the city there’s always someone slamming on the brakes, a truck making a turn on a red, people changing lanes with no indication, jaywalkers, people who walk halfway into the intersection then stop and stare, parallel parkers, double parkers, moving vans in the road, road construction, police vehicles, bicycles, someone dropping their phone in the road, people crossing four lanes of traffic at once because they “forgot” they needed to turn, and intersections with more than four roads. Anyone who pretends like driving in those conditions is “easy” is either crazy or a bad driver in my opinon.
I was a little nervous before my first actual street drive, but it went fine. I did a few whoopsie moments while learning (brake on the left!), but low speed, and nothing damaged.
I think it’s a good skill to have, even if you find you don’t use it much. It gives you another option for transportation.
One piece of my experience that might apply to yours: I added manual transmission to my repertoire later. I first learned to drive a car with an automatic. In some ways that was like re-learning the whole driving process, and for a while it was stressful as heck. I hated getting the car out of first. I grew to prefer manual though, and kept it until I had kids.
I’m chiming in to say I think all adults should know how to drive. It’s like knowing how to swim. You never know when that knowledge may save your life. Even if you don’t get a license, you’ll still know what to do if something happens.
I also firmly believe that the roads are safer when all people using them understand traffic, and that understanding doesn’t happen until you’ve been the driver of a car. Pedestrians, bicyclists, skateboarders, whoever, I think are far less aware of how hard it is for drivers to see/avoid them/stop in time, etc., when they don’t understand how traffic freaking works.
My father did that with me as a precursor to drivers-ed but in something sturdier than a Bug. Same result except I was nervous.
He commented once that the wisest thing he’d done to preserve the marriage was, shortly after WWII when they’d moved to Los Angeles and (naturally) needed to teach their spouses to drive, he and a buddy swapped wives.*
I started taking the drivers’ ed course at 16. I was TERRIFIED of driving; my mom had always been a nervous driver and I think that spilled over onto us. Neither of my parents thought that it was important to help their kids practice their driving skills (like in an empty parking lot or something?) so my very first experience behind the wheel was also on a regular street in town with normal traffic. I thought for sure I’d kill somebody and I had a tendency to go way, way below the speed limit for a long time, stop at every intersection (regardless of if there was a stop sign), follow way, way behind other cars, etc.
My instructor was a curmudgeonly old dude given to fits of rage, which also didn’t help. He’d slam on his brakes and yell at you the whole time… needless to say, I didn’t have a good time in drivers’ ed.
That said, I still passed the exams on the first try and I’ve managed to do just fine. I very vividly remember the first time I drove as a licensed driver without anyone else in the car-- to the mall! Woo! And I definitely don’t have a problem driving below the speed limit anymore
I was definitely nervous learning to drive, particularly on the freeway. Zipping along at 65 MPH (100 kph) was way too fast. Then I had a job where I had to take the freeway to work twice a week. Since then no anxiety what so ever. My brother on the other hand, married a woman who does all the driving, and doesn’t drive to work. And now is extremely anxious behind the wheel. So in answer to your question, just keep at it and with experience the anxiety will go away.
I was 15 when I got my learner’s permit, and I remember just loving every single minute of it. I still enjoy driving (down to having a manual transmission car) and do the vast majority of it in my family. I still remember how excited I was during the family vacation when I was 15 and driving through the mountainous terrain of Colorado and Wyoming. I think my parents were absolutely terrified (I knew the kind of roads coming up, but I didn’t mention it to them, as I wanted to drive it), but I enjoyed all the precipitous fall-offs, the tunnels, and the hairpin turns. Just fun.
Only when I tried to learn standard transmission and the damn car kept rolling backwards down hills at a stop sign. I think I was more scared of Dad who was getting more and more frustrated
