Were you there when your parent died? (Please read OP before voting)

In My Humble Opinion
1

So here’s the four options:

"Yes, I was there and that was a good thing"

For if you’re glad you were for whatever reason (having a chance to say goodbye, being able to hold them as they pass, seeing them one last time, etc).

"Yes, I was there and that was a bad thing"

For if you wish you weren’t witness to it for whatever reason (they died suddenly, nothing could have saved them, it was unexpected, there was no time to have last words, you completely lost it or broke down, etc).

"No, I wasn’t there and that was a good thing"

For if you weren’t by their side and are grateful, for whatever reason (it happened so fast and you’d have broke down, if you’ve had tried to save them and it would have resulted in an even worse case, if you were estranged from them and just couldn’t do it, etc).
"No, I wasn’t there and that was a bad thing"

For if you missed it and wish you had been for whatever reason (you wish you had a chance to say goodbye, see them one last time, could have saved them, wanted to give them comfort, etc).

My dad died in 2001 while I was at work. It was unexpected, he wasn’t sick or anything. Just a heart attack out of no where. I’m grateful I was away at the time, because I would have totally lost it if I had been there. I don’t think I would have handled it well at all. To this day, I remain very relieved I wasn’t there. I hope I’m not there when my mom dies either…I think I’d fall apart and it might be the end of most of my sanity if I were to witness it…knowing it was coming or not.

2

I was there when my mom died and not there when my dad died. Neither was a happy occasion, but I was OK both times for certain values of “OK”.

More important, I knew my dying parents were safe, well cared for, and had some family with them.

3

I was there when my dad died. It was like watching a machine wind down and stop. My dad had been gone for some time by that point. The meat finally failing was of little concern, as we had already come to terms with losing him.

4

I was stationed with the US Air Force in England and my father had terminal lung cancer (smoker). He visited me a few months before he died but I’d like to have seen him again. I was ready to hop on an airplane and fly back when death was imminent; however, he was doing fine but just didn’t wake up one morning.

5

First; I didn’t vote. I needed a “it depends” option.

My mother is still alive (as far as I know at the moment). My Dad died long after I moved out, suddenly, and I was not there. My FIL was in the hospital and not going to make it; after having sat a vigil for most of a day, we (me, my wife, my MIL) had just left to head home when he passed – so not there. My MIL was in hospice several years later and we were both there when she passed.

In each case I think it was the best thing possible. Dad was my hero and to have seen him in all our human mortality would have ripped me apart. Popsi (FIL) was a very private person even with the closest of relatives and I think he wanted to pass in peace and did. Muvver, MIL, was more the one for pulling together and pulling people together and after the struggle she had and the months of her “last days” I think it was something we needed for that particular case. So I can’t just pick one and be happy with my vote.

6

I was not there when my mother died and I will always regret it.

7

Was there for my dad’s passing and was there for my mom’s last consciousness. Good thing.

8

I was the one who discovered my mother’s body, still breathing (autonomous functioning) after she’d blown her head open with a .357. I was in the bedroom next to hers when the shot rang out. I’m counting that as “I was there,” but some might differ.

Rather an unpleasant Easter morning…

My father passed away quietly in the night in a nursing home; I wasn’t there, but my sister stayed up all night with him, and held his hand as he breathed his last.

Some passages are more traumatic than others…

9

I was there for both my parents. I’m glad I was, but the experiences were quite a bit different.

I was a lot older when my mom died and her death happened pretty much over one long day.

I was only 18 when my dad died and I had pretty much been living with him at the hospital for the prior three weeks or more, but at the moment he passed, I had been told to run down the hall for my stepmom so I wasn’t by his side as he drew his actual last breath.

10

Not enough options. My dad was killed in an auto accident in Yellow Knife, U.T. He was 85, had done everything he ever wanted, had a healthy life and I saw him 4-5 time/year. No regrets.

My Mom died at 92, had a great life, had cancer the last year but was able to be on home hospice with my sister living with her all the while. They were best friends. I got to see her five times that last year, about a week at a time. That was just fine.

11

The first time my father ‘died’ I was driving him to the hospital. He ‘died’ shortly after I dropped him off, but was shocked back to life. I wasn’t there as I had left to pick up my mother.

The second time I wasn’t there but I had just talked to him about 10 minutes before he died. He was complaining of chest pains and upset over something he had to do. I told him not to do it if it was upsetting him that badly.
He was too stubborn to call an ambulance, so he called my mother instead. She worked only 5 minutes away but he was dead when she got home.

12

I was there with both of them. Good thing.

13

My father suffered a heart attack and collapsed at home then was rushed to the hospital. My MIL was home and was the one to call the ambulance. I was the first to arrive at the hospital and they informed me he had passed. I’d say I wasn’t there when he passed and that was neither good nor bad.

My mother is still alive, she lives several states away. It’s highly unlikely I’ll be there for her death and that is probably a good thing.

14

I wasn’t there when my father died, and the last time I saw him was 15 years earlier. My only regret is that I never got the chance to tell him that he was an asshole who ruined my mother’s life and that I wish I’d ratted him out when I was little because maybe I wouldn’t be the complete mess of a person that I am now if I hadn’t been stuck with him for so many years.

My mother is still alive and I hope she lives forever.

15

Both my parents are still alive.

My in-laws - My MIL died in hospice, we got a call early in the morning that she had passed away. My FIL - we had gotten him moved into a very nice “independent living” facility. I visited him every weekend, and talked to him every other day. About three weeks after he moved in, we got a late-night call from the facility that he had taken ill, and passed away. I’m so glad we were able to get him moved into that facility, otherwise he would have died alone at home and it would have been a few days before anyone had found him.

16

Didn’t vote.

My mother died last year, I wasn’t there. It didn’t matter.

I don’t know if my father is still alive or not. He would be about 83. I won’t care.

17

Both my parents died in Texas while I was in Thailand. For my father, it was neither a good nor a bad thing, as he’d been in a coma for five months following an aneurysm, so his moment of death was, by all accounts, rather uneventful. So I voted Good Thing, just because it definitely was not a Bad Thing.

For my mother, I consider it a Good Thing I was not there. She died last month, and I wasn’t even sure she was still alive until I was notified of her death. To say we were not close would be putting it mildly.

18

I was with my dad and it was a bad thing. I was really pissed at the rest of the family for lying to me about his illness. That was 50-some years ago, and I’d still make a deal with the Devil (figuratively; I don’t believe in him) if I could remember the last conversation I had with my dad so I’d have something to hold onto.

Wasn’t there for my mom, neither good or bad as I’d lopped her branch off the family tree years before. And then there was Alzheimer’s, too.

19

I didn’t vote. I was in the next room when my father died. I heard him fall out of bed, but thought nothing of it, he did that all the time. What struck me as odd, was that I didn’t hear him get up back into bed. So I went into his room, and he had fallen in front of the door.I couldn’t get in and I had to climb in the window. He had a massive heart attack and was apparently dead before he hit the floor.

I’m glad I was the one who was awake when this happened, and decided to investigate. Otherwise, it would have been my sister that found the body the next day. I would have been at work, and I don’t think she could have handled it by herself. They heard me trying to get into his room, but my sister let me investigate, and kept my brother from seeing anything by keeping him downstairs.

20

My mother died when I was a soldier in Iraq.