Please be careful if you go this route. We did this and I was completely and thoroughly raped in the settlement because no one watched out for me. Rare for women to lose everything (and I do mean everything) but it happened to me.
The ex and I did the $600 route. Actually I contacted him and she played rag doll, didn’t get her own atty or anything. I’d say it went okay and the settlement was more or less fair all around.
Ideally you would sit down and say, “Look, we can make the lawyers rich or we can hammer this out ourselves and then hire a lawyer to cross the t’s and dot the i’s.” Not having kids simplifies things immensely. One thing is certain: you don’t want to debate everything while the lawyers are on the clock.
Consult with an Illinois lawyer who handles divorces. You may also want to go to a book store and pick up a do it yourself divorce book. Nolo Press does well for California. You may also want to look into a mediated divorce. Talk to friends or pastors, etc about good divorce lawyers. You don’t want to get a bad divorce lawyer or they will wind up owning everything.
I came in here to second this. Hazle, it is a bit naive to think your friends at the SDMB will come up with all the important info you need. Just the few pointers you had here should make you realise divorce mediator is a profession for a reason.
So either hire a professional , (but make sure he/she doesn’t gain anything financially by dragging the divorce on and on). Or pick up a good book, like Second Stone said, to provide you with some basic info and a few checklists.
Here a a few titles on amazonto get you started.
Oh, I’m not quite that naive, but this seemed like a good place to start and it has been. Every single suggestion has been great and given me info I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. Thanks, everyone.
What if they came to some sort of agreement where he maintained title to the car, but was merely “lending” it to her? Couldn’t he then keep the insurance?
Not saying that’s anything like a good idea, but it’s an option, I suppose.
Lots of good suggestions going on in this thread. I do agree that since you contributed to his health and well being, and probably to the finances even if he was the greater earner, it’s entirely reasonable to ask for half of the assorted accounts. Certainly half of any accounts accrued during your marriage.
Do you own a home together? If so, half of that equity should be yours (if you want to be strictly fair, half of whatever is left over factoring in any down payment money that came from pre-marriage assets).
Health insurance: Maybe as part of the settlement, require him to make the premiums on a “got run over by a bus” policy - one of those that doesn’t kick in until you’re majorly sick/injured. Better than nothing but indeed, he would not be able to cover you through his work-based insurance once the divorce is final. And COBRA (which would be available to you) might be prohibitively expensive.
That might theoretically be possible, but then she doesn’t own the title to the car and he is free to take it back from her whenever because it isn’t hers. It is better to sever the ties and own it outright and pay a little more if she can afford it than to hope he is feeling friendly for the next year or so while she gets settled.
My girlfriend worked it out with her ex such that the final divorce date was put off for a year and a half so that she could remain on his policy. They lived apart and had totally different finances including filing separate tax returns during that time. This was in CA so laws may vary elsewhere.
Yes, but he can still pay for her policy if they agree on that as part of the divorce or stay on the same policy of they go the delay the date route.
In my fairly typical middle class divorce with 2 kids I laid my cards on the table after mediation and gave my ex the good car, the house + furn, and state dictated CS. I told her this what what we had and lets agree to agree. She wanted to litigate and within 9 months she had gone through 2 attys and spent over 15,000 of her father's money (and 5,000 of ours she had secretly squirreled away) in the expectation that there was some pot of gold everyone was keeping from her.
The final settlement was exactly what I had offered her upfront and she was
$ 20,000 poorer.
The moral of the story is that if you are rational and ethical people who simply don’t want to be married anymore it might be better to mediate than litigate. Getting an atty is good idea if there are really substantive sums involved but for dividing up just 40K with a no kids and short 5 year marriage working it out might be a better solution.
Thanks for starting this thread, Hazle. I’ll be following it very closely.
I agree with this - it doesn’t sound like there are enough assets here to worry about. Ending up with nothing when there is practically nothing to start with - litigating could easily eat through $20k of that $40k, and the remaining half would be $10k - what Hazel wants…why enrich an attorney.
If there were kids, a long term marriage, retirement savings - I might think differently, but litigating this is going to mean giving money to lawyers - money that doesn’t really seem to be there.
You guys are good!
Also worth keeping in mind is the fact that this will be his third divorce, so he will be coming into this with a lot more knowledge of the process than I. This could be good or extremely bad.
I’ll echo the need for counsel or mediation.
You can add two more from my family. In my experience, people with amiable divorces don’t talk about them as much.
I had an amiable divorce…dissolution, really, after 16 years of marriage and two children. There wasn’t much to split up except the bills, and the two jointly owned cars…we just did title transfers, he kept “his” car, I kept “mine”. We shared a lawyer…she was technically “my” lawyer, but he paid the $600, and he gave me sole custody with visitation decided by us, not the court. He paid the state-mandated amount of child support and spousal support…and he voluntarily extended the spousal support by a year to make up for the hardship he put me through by not being able to make his payments the first year…though he caught it up later. We didn’t have any insurance except car insurance to divvy up, and i was able to get health insurance through work when I was able to go full-time.
So even though he was and is an asshole and a jerk…we had a good divorce. it is possible. And it makes a difference that he really wanted out quickly, and felt guilty.
Is state-mandated spousal support only for couples with a disparity in income? If both people make roughly the same amount of money, can one person still be forced to pay alimony?
Well, it seems like it’s really happening. Holy Shit, not only can I not believe my marriage is ending, I can’t believe that it’s ending via e-mail. This is so far beyond fucked up that it’s surreal. Guess it makes sense that it’s not working out.
First of all, two people can come to any agreement that they want despite whatever calculations the Court might make if it were left up to them. Also, different jurisdictions will use different formulas. That said, there is a simple formula that will be used to calculate alimony and/or child support. Anyway, if the difference in incomes is less than something like 10%, there won’t be alimony.
I’m really sorry to hear this. Even in the worst of marriages where you can’t wait for it to be over, it’s usually bittersweet at best and heart wrenching at worst. Soon the agreement will be hammered out and you’ll feel a huge wave of relief. Your life will get better and better.
Yeah, I’m basically mourning what we lost a LONG time ago. The absolute worst thing will be dealing with my niece (4) and nephew (2). They love him and he loves them. He and the nephew have a really special thing going and it just breaks my heart that that will probably end. This is so surreal, still. I’m sitting here in my hotel room, not 3 miles from the apartment and we’re e-mailing back and forth. More wine is in store for tonight…not to worry, though; no tipsy, weepy e-mailing! Thanks everyone. Also, what’s the fastest to moderately fastest that a divorce can be made final from the time a decision is made?
In CA, it’s six months from when the first papers are filed or when the final decree comes through whichever is last. Mine was a relatively rare case of having the decree come through and then having to wait.
My friend got divorced in OR. In that State, it’s when the final paper is signed and submitted to the clerk.
It’s different everywhere. Do you know anyone who was divorced in IL?