Should it come to that, I intend to be perfectly reasonable. We would have been married 5 years come June. The total of the accounts I know about is around 40 grand. I’ve been driving my Late MIL’s car for over 2 years and it’s considered, “My” car. I am covered under his company’s insurance and I’m on his auto insurance policy. Here is what I would ask for: 5-10 thousand dollars, the car
and to remain covered by any/all insurance policies for one year from the date of the divorce. I don’t want any of our joint furniture, just a table that was my grandmother’s (which he hates anyway) and the two bookshelves and a plant stand that are mine. I also want to take our home computer. He never uses it except on the weekends to play Scrabble sometimes and he has a laptop, which I am currently borrowing. I’ve already split up our books and xmas ornaments. Are these requests reasonable. What are your suggestions?
Sounds very reasonable to me. Are there any significant expenses associated with the divorce itself (i.e, paying an attorney or court fees)? If so you might want to keep those in mind.
How do you expect him to react? If he can be counted on to be civilized, it sounds like you are all set. If he’s going to dig in his heels and be a jerk, you might want to ask for more than you really want so you can negotiate downward.
So how did he respond to the news that you were taking the nanny job? I assume that might give you a clue as to his likely reaction to the next step.
Good luck if you do decide to take that route.
I suggest you get a lawyer and tell this lawyer the truth. Not the truth as you see it, but the truth.
As to whether the requests are reasonable, it all depends on what percentage of the valuable assets your request represent and what his feelings are.
5-10k doesn’t sound like a lot of money, but it is a lot of money if all you’ve got is 12k. And whose car is whose and what belongs to whom is heavily dependent on what jurisdiction you live in.
Now, don’t take this as an invitation to tell me your story- that’s not important here. What IS important is the fact that a bunch of yahoos on a message board have no idea whether your request is rational on any basis, especially given the dearth of context.
Different jurisdictions have different laws. Consult a local family lawyer.
I endorse your reasonableness but must sadly tell you to retain an attorney. The most amicable property division will yet require legal resolution that would strain the most cooperative couple, something you’re unlikely to be.
WRT retirement, you might think about this:
If your accounts total $40K, why aren’t you asking for $20K?
Get an attorney–not to create a big fight with your spouse but to make sure someone represents *your *interests. I trusted my ex and I did not retain an attorney of my own. That was a big mistake.
Get your own attorney.
I just don’t think it’s fair that the woman is allowed to take half, I guess. It just doesn’t seem right to me, but he does make about 3 times more than I do and has insurance, so, I don’t know exactly how to feel.
tell me, does your hubby know you post here? if so, by doing so you may be giving him and his lawyer admissions about what you are willing to accept, which could come back to haunt you.
I agree with Muffin - go talk to a lawyer who knows the law in your area.
IANAL and I don’t know if you signed a pre-nup or something, but IMO you’re wrong. You joined in this marriage for better or for worse…if he wanted someone who made more money, he shouldn’t have married you, for instance. And there are oodles of intangibles, like who did all the vacuuming, who nursed whom back to health, who moved for the other’s career, yadda yadda yadda. 50/50 is fair, I think.
I agree with you, actually. You’ve had a short marriage and have no children. You’re young and have many years ahead of you to earn money - it doesn’t make sense to clean him out.
However, at the same time you shouldn’t sell your contribution to the marrige short - you’re certainly entitled to something. However, I agree, you should speak to a professional. Depending on how you think things are going to go down a lawyer may not be necessary, but a mediator at the very least will save you a world of trouble.
The problem is when one person comes up with a solution that they think is totally reasonable, the other person will have come up with a different solution that they think is totally reasonable. Even though what you think you’re asking for is fair, hubby may not and then you have WWIII.
Holy Shit! You’re absolutely right. Excellent points, all! I did all of those things well and a lot!
He does know that I’m always on “my message board,” but I don’t believe he knows what it’s even called. Whoever mentioned that has an excellent point, though. Maybe I’d better just take the advice and run.
Contemplating a divorce is the shits. There’s an excellent chance that you’re depressed and not thinking clearly. This is a bad time for bad decision-making. I’d consider getting a reality check from someone…a shrink, a priest, a trusted friend who has good judgment. A professional would be good because as noted, some admissions could come back to haunt you if not protected by privilege.
Just don’t minimize/trivialize your contributions to the marriage based on dollar amounts, please. When a team wins, it’s a team win; when they lose, it’s also a team loss. I think most divorces are 50/50 fault-wise, really…but that’s another issue.
Good luck!
I advise at least consulting a lawyer as well… but keep in mind that they are not inexpensive. I finalized a divorce about two years ago. And all told the two law firms ate up about $30,000 of our total net worth (around $120,000). This was I think mainly due to her insistance on using a Aspen based law firm who was under the impression that I was hiding significant income and assets (I wasn’t). Even if they hadn’t been such dicks and everything had been as amicable as pie I can’t see my divorce as costing less than $5 grand a piece.
If things are amicable and you think you are likely to be able to come to fair agreement without an arguement I would try to do so and use the lawyers to simply verify the agreement and make sure everything is covered.
If you think that things will be relatively friendly, your best bet would be to jointly hire an attorney/mediator. You guys will still have to come to an agreement on your own but the mediator will be able to advise you on the local laws as well as what is typically done in similar situations. My ex and I did this and our total lawyer fees were $600.00.
Also, if the health insurance is through his employer, it may not be feasible for him to continue your coverage once the decree is final.
Excellent! Adding your experience to my list of considerate divorces, I have seven digits left before I need to use my toes in the now five decade impromptu study.Oh, that’s right!
I concur. Filing for a legal separation was enough for my soon to be ex to be ineligible for further medical benefits.
As an insurance agent I can tell you this is very much the truth. Once your divorce is final you will need COBRA or a personal policy of your own and then your car will need to be on a separate policy as well. Once you are divorced and no longer living together the car ceases to have any insurable interest for your ex and he can’t legally keep insurance on the vehicle.
Start making inquiries now about that kind of thing so you are fully covered when the divorce is final.