What are our cultural hang-ups?

[Lamia]

@An_Gadai

Ok seriously was my OP that bad? I’m asking what is it that “foreigners” (ie non-anglo americans for want of a better term) need to know about Britain and the US so as not to offend the locals?
The only one so far has been the tipping thing, although that’s only a thing AFAIK in the US and not elsewhere in the Anglosphere.

I guess I really do not understand your OP at all if “Don’t ask women you barely know if they have boyfriends”, “Don’t comment on other people’s weight/body type” and “Don’t tell people they are fat or remark that they’ve gained weight” are not examples of things foreigners need to know to avoid offending Americans. I can’t speak for the rest of the Anglosphere.

@Kobal2

There’s a lot of hugging in American culture. That was a bit weird to me when I spent time there. We don’t hug much outside of romantic relationships and particularly severe grief/trauma/what have you.

That reminds me of another “overcorrection” story from Japan. I spent the New Year’s holiday with the family of a former classmate of mine (she’d been an exchange student at my university in the US). When I was leaving her mother hugged me, then encouraged my friend’s teenaged younger sister to hug me good-bye too. The sister clearly didn’t want to and I said “No, that’s fine!” – which it really was, because in the US I would never expect a good-bye hug from a friend’s sister unless I was also a close friend of the sister. Even a hug from the mother was a little unusual by American standards, as I’d only spent a couple of days as their guest.

[An_Gadai]

@Lamia

I guess I really do not understand your OP at all if “Don’t ask women you barely know if they have boyfriends”, “Don’t comment on other people’s weight/body type” and “Don’t tell people they are fat or remark that they’ve gained weight” are not examples of things foreigners need to know to avoid offending Americans. I can’t speak for the rest of the Anglosphere.

Sorry, I misread your post. But I also meant more in the sense of a visitor to the US or elsewhere in the English-speaking world as opposed to one us of visiting elsewhere. I should have made that clearer, however.

[pullin]

@Eyebrows_0f_Doom

The way he described it, it didn’t sound like sharing food but that the woman just started picking up pieces from his plate and putting them back. Gross.

After she picked items up, I encouraged her to try them. It’s a cultural no-no, but technically it doesn’t seem much different from a bowl of chips at a party.

Maybe it’s common in her culture, whatever that may be. It just seems to me that visitors would find our near-frantic worry over germs and antiseptic soaps* to be a surprise.

*Looked in the soap aisle of a grocery store lately? Holy cow.. They even have no-touch dispensers for those who’ve moved beyond ‘amateur germophobe’ and into the pros. :rolleyes: I sometimes wonder if we’re doing ourselves more harm than good with all the antiseptic stuff.

[PookahMacPhellimey]

@An_Gadai

No, I don’t think it is. I think it’s more a case that the person hosting is making sure that their offer is serious, they’ve tried everything they can to be a good host.

Things I remember from living in

(rural) Ireland:

• do stand your round. People will offer you round after round, but insist on standing yours. They will notice;

• don’t come to someone’s house empty-handed - bring something like a bottle of wine or a cake. Even when you are just calling in for a cup of tea you are normally expected to bring something. I’m sure that goes for a lot of cultures, but I remember that being particularly important when I l was living in Ireland.
  Italy:

• don’t order cappuccino after breakfast time and particularly not after dinner. Of course, you are paying, you can order whatever you like and it is not likely (but not impossible) to cause actual offense, but at the very least they will think you are out of your mind or a tourist;

• in the south of Italy in particular, if you are invited to people’s home, come on an empty stomach and expect to be stuffed with food which it would be rude (and a pity) to refuse;

• in bigger/busier bars it is common to pay first and get a receipt and then order. In general, dithering in Italian bars will not make you popular: make up your mind before going to the counter;

• but tipping is the minimal everywhere and only done is the service was really particularly good.

Holland:

Only thing I can think of it that, although it is permitted to smoke marijuana in public, walking down the main street with a joint is gauche.

[Electric_Warrior]

Agreeing with a lot of what has been said here, and I want to add some more.

A lot of Americans don’t talk about our personal experiences and feelings regarding religion, sex/relationships, or politics except with people we know well. Bringing this up in a situation such as a dinner between colleagues or in the classroom would make everyone feel awkward.

Public displays of affection (kissing, cuddling) are considered improper in the US.

Americans, including children, always wear shoes outside or in public places.

We buy a lot more clothing than people from most other countries, and it’s unusual to wear the same thing over and over, say more than once a week.

Something that is not considered improper in the US but might be in a lot of other places is discussing your ancestry. Because we’re a “nation of immigrants” we consider this really central to our identities. So if an American asks you about where you’re from, where your parents are from, etc, they aren’t being prying, suspicious, or racist.

As a note, I’ve spent a very limited amount of time studying and travelling outside the US (I’m American), and I have a few friends who were born in other countries, so this is just what I’ve gathered, and I’m sorry if I veered into generalizing about other countries at all.

[PookahMacPhellimey]

Missed edit window:

Italy: If you meet someone the first time, shake hands or just say hello. If you spend any amount of friendly time with them and you are a woman, you probably should kiss them (once on each cheek) the next time you see them and every time you see them from then on. If you are a man, you should kiss the women the second time you meet them but with other men you can just shake hands or pat them on the back. Male friends do kiss and embrace sometimes, but only if they know each other well

[Lamia]

@An_Gadai

Sorry, I misread your post. But I also meant more in the sense of a visitor to the US or elsewhere in the English-speaking world as opposed to one us of visiting elsewhere. I should have made that clearer, however.

Everything I said would apply to foreigners visiting the US. If anything a Chinese person who visits the US and starts telling people how fat they are is going to get a much more negative reaction than if they’d said the same thing to an American visiting China.

[Acid_Lamp]

Americans prefer to have some personal space. Standing very close to people, touching them, or rubbing against them when it is not strictly necessary is very rude and may be considered hostile.

Americans look each other in the eyes when speaking, and failing to so so may make them suspicious of your intent or meaning. They may think you are very shy and go great lengths to make you feel comfortable when not necessary.

Americans shake hands when meeting new people and upon the finish of important business transactions or leaving the home of a stranger. It is not necessary to shake hands, bow or otherwise physically demonstrate your understanding or thanks in day-to-day or informal life.

If you wish to acknowledge another person without speaking to them, a small nod of the head is appropriate. This is useful if you meet the eyes of a stranger by accident and do not want them to think you are rude.

Americans use “please” and 'thank you" with each other and serving staff in restaurants.
It is more polite to use these than to forgo them if you are uncertain.

Americans do not directly discuss politics, income, religion, or personal sexual information with strangers. While many will happily discuss such matters with you, it is polite to wait until you have made small talk to discuss these topics. Additionally, once brought up, Americans can be very frank and aggressive about their positions on these subjects. Many are poorly informed and do not understand political terms in the manner you may. It is better to avoid these topics.

Americans will ask you where you come from, your background, or about your accent or language. Nearly all of these questions are curious and friendly. It is good manners to answer them. Many Americans are very curious about life in other countries and cultures. Discussing this is a very good way to make friends.

Many Americans wear shoes in the home. If your host has shoes by the door, or asks you to remove them please do so. If not, it is usually the custom to keep them on unless the host indicates otherwise. If you are uncertain it is polite to inquire as Americans want most for you to be comfortable in the home.

Americans keep many types of animals as pets. Dogs and cats are most common, but rabbits, mice, and other small animals are often kept, as are birds. Most consider the animals to be part of the family and may allow them to sit on the furniture, free reign of the home, or cuddle with them. It is rude to comment on this if you disapprove of it. If a pet animal is making you uncomfortable, it is polite to ask your host to correct the issue. Never beat or kick an animal in the home of an American.

Americans value cleanliness and most bathe every day. They use deodorant, brush their teeth or use mouthwash, and comb their hair daily. Being clean is part of being polite in American society.

[Cat_Whisperer]

If I understand what the OP is looking for, Canadians are often considered a cold, stand-offish people, but we’re not - we’re polite and reserved until you get to know us better. Then we tell dirty jokes with the best of them.

I can’t speak for all Canadians (especially Quebecois, since they tend to kiss on the cheek), but Western Canadians don’t tend to be huggy kissy people. I would say most Canadians wouldn’t be horrified at getting hugged and kissed, but I personally would never initiate it.

Yeah, you’ll probably be expected to take your shoes off when coming into a house here. Don’t worry, you’ll see all the other shoes at the door and it will be quite obvious. And no, your shoes won’t get stolen. (Wear socks that you don’t mind other people seeing.)

We have large personal spaces here, too. As has been mentioned previously, a Canadian will not likely tell you to back off, but we will be backing away from you - please don’t follow us. It makes me very uncomfortable to have people in my personal space, and that personal space extends about three feet from me in all directions.

[carlotta]

In America, if you are entering an uncrowded waiting room or public transit, it would be very strange to sit in a seat right next to a stranger if there are plenty of other seats available. This will likely make the stranger very uncomfortable.

It is acceptable to sit with one empty seat between you and a stranger.

Americans almost never share tables with strangers in restaurants. (Bars may be different, I’ve only been to a real bar once, so I’m a foreigner there myself).

Watching American movies may give some the impression that curse words are more acceptable than they are. In my opinion, a visitor would do well to avoid: fuck, shit, bitch, piss, ass, cock, cunt, and any compound words made from them. (Ok, tell me which ones I forgot). No one anywhere should ever say “nigger.”

[No_umlaut_for_U]

Well, this seems trivial after the above.
Don’t take the last item in a potluck or staff break room situation. Instead, you cut it in half to have a portion, then the next person cuts the remainder in half, ad infinitum. Donuts can reach subatomic particle status.

[Ibanez]

Burka.

A lot of us don’t like it.

[No_umlaut_for_U]

I don’t know if there’s a non-U.S. culture that would do this, but don’t turn on the TV in someone else’s house. Gah, that makes me stabby!

[Autolycus]

@HeyHomie

I’ve known some people from the Caribbean/Latin America who have had a difficult time adjusting to the American concept of punctuality.

If an American says “Be there at noon,” she means “Be there at noon.”

Whereas if someone from certain parts of the Caribbean/Latin America hears “Be there at noon,” she hears “Be there before dark, more or less.”

Either be there at noon, or be there at like 12:10ish. For parties and other situations, a bit of lateness is either tolerated or even expected. Contrast this with other cultures, say Japan, where “be there at 12” really reads “be there at 11:45”

I still get tripped up by this one sometimes. For example, at meetings. “There will now be a 10 minute break to use the restroom.” I go use the restroom, get a drink of water, make a phone call… I come back with a minute to spare, where lo and behold the meeting has already started again. D’oh!

[Silver_Tyger]

Attitudes towards hugs seem to be very personal, although I would imagine there’s a regional component as well. Basically if someone goes to hug you go with it and if not, just wave or whatever. Guys either do the sideways hug or the ‘bro hug’ (just chests, legs far apart, one manly pat on the back with one arm, and separate).

Here’s a food one: in America it is generally ok to refuse a dish with a ‘no thank you’ (possibly adding ‘I’m allergic’, ‘I’m a vegetarian’, etc if prompted). Don’t make a big fuss about it. Some people may not realize that chicken and fish are not vegetables.

Most people don’t drink alcohol with dinner, or if they do it’s a beer.

[Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension]

@Electric_Warrior

Americans, including children, always wear shoes outside or in public places.

I don’t know where you’re living, but where I grew up - Coastal North Carolina and Hawaii - there are more exceptions than not to this rule.

[Paul_in_Qatar]

Western funeral practices are very odd compared to most of the world. We tend to have the funeral many days after the death. In the rest of the world the burial is done very quickly, and so is less elaborate. The idea that you would turn a (dead) loved one over to a paid professional for treatment with chemicals seems very unloving.

Have you noticed at an American cookout the host gives every person a steak and baked potato? He actually measures out the food! This strikes Arabs as the height of cheapness.

[Koxinga]

@Paul_in_Qatar

Have you noticed at an American cookout the host gives every person a steak and baked potato? He actually measures out the food! This strikes Arabs as the height of cheapness.

Moreover, in your host’s home, if you admire some object or family member, don’t expect that you’ll be gifted with it/her/him.

[jz78817]

@Paul_in_Qatar

Have you noticed at an American cookout the host gives every person a steak and baked potato? He actually measures out the food! This strikes Arabs as the height of cheapness.

no, I’ve never seen that.

[kittenblue]

@Paul_in_Qatar

Have you noticed at an American cookout the host gives every person a steak and baked potato? He actually measures out the food! This strikes Arabs as the height of cheapness.

We Americans just can’t win! First we are told that we are profligate and wasteful, and that we eat too much meat in general…and then we get told that giving someone a whole steak and having enough for everyone to have at least one is just downright cheap! What are we supposed to do, buy three times as much meat as anyone can eat and then end up throwing it away?