What Are Some of Your "Evil" Foods?

Cafe Society
61

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Mentioning thousand year eggs would be very cruel, wouldn’t it? :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

Oh GAWD, those things are the DEVIL. :eek:

One of my Chinese teachers brought one to class a few weeks back. I foolishly let him use my swiss army knife to cut the egg open. The odor still lingers. :frowning:

One culinary thing that just annoys me: Bacon. Not bacon by itself, no, I love that bacon. But bacon on burgers? Bacon in salad?! What is this obsession people seem to have with mixing bacon where it ought not to be mixed?!

Also, eating in military chow halls, I have to admit to just general irritation at the practice of preparing a meal based on a very rough description, such as mixing spaghetti in with chunks of beef and calling it Yaki Soba. The last time I checked, Yaki Soba was made in a skillet, not in a bigass cauldron of water (seriously, they use giant cauldrons to boil stuff in, at least back in Basic Training, it’s awesome).

Generally speaking, I’ve seen this happen with more “ethnic” foods that you wouldn’t typically run across in the US, and it’s probably just an attempt to make the food more interesting by switching it up a bit, but geez, if you know what the stuff is supposed to be like, it seems pretentious.

62

[QUOTE=Raguleader]
Also, eating in military chow halls, I have to admit to just general irritation at the practice of preparing a meal based on a very rough description, such as mixing spaghetti in with chunks of beef and calling it Yaki Soba. The last time I checked, Yaki Soba was made in a skillet, not in a bigass cauldron of water (seriously, they use giant cauldrons to boil stuff in, at least back in Basic Training, it’s awesome).
[/QUOTE]

Military mess hall cooking is in a circle all by itself. After all, where else would tobasco be consider exemplary of one of the major food groups*?

*The flavor food group, of course. The other three being the paste food group, the cardboard food group, and the shoe leather food group. Some things, such as “sea gull” (okay, they arrived to the kitchens as cornish game hens…), could belong to two food groups at once.

63

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
I will speak up in defense of heart meat. It’s lean and, until recently, extremely cheap.

[/QUOTE]

There’s a reason it’s cheap. Because no one fucking buys it because it’s so disgusting.

I know that the heart is just a muscle…but it’s also the only muscle that’s working 24/7 while the animals alive, so I can’t even imagine it tastes very good. Remember, the good cutes of meat come from the muscles that aren’t used and even have some fat in them.

64

Lettuce is just nasty. Nothing ruins a sandwich or a burrito as fast and as totally. A pox on lettuce!

65

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Military mess hall cooking is in a circle all by itself. After all, where else would tobasco be consider exemplary of one of the major food groups*?

*The flavor food group, of course. The other three being the paste food group, the cardboard food group, and the shoe leather food group. Some things, such as “sea gull” (okay, they arrived to the kitchens as cornish game hens…), could belong to two food groups at once.

[/QUOTE]

Heh, I put tobasco on fries, chicken nuggets, burritos, hash browns, eggs, and black bean tortilla casserole (one surprisingly amazingly good thing our chow hall serves). Love the red stuff, don’t go much for the green or chipotle sauces, and I can’t stand the habanero sauce. It just doesn’t taste good to me. Tobasco and barbecue sauce go great with the chicken/seagull/racoon nuggets (heh, this could be a fun new rumor to spread) they serve here.

66

[QUOTE=bouv]
There’s a reason it’s cheap. Because no one fucking buys it because it’s so disgusting.
[/QUOTE]

Just try getting it these days. It’s more expensive than chuck roast, here. I used to be able to pick it up at $0.99/lb, and last I checked I was quoted $4.29/lb.

And while it’s not what I’d want for a steak, it does quite well for stir fry, or stews. Especially if one marinates, or brines, it. I agree that marbling makes for a nicer taste to meat, there are a lot of people who like the idea of meat with absolutely no marbling to it. Heart isn’t actually fat free - but it’s all on the outside of the muscle, so it’s easy to trim off.

Raguleader, when I was put into the psych ward, I earned some huge respect for having the foresight to ask for permission to have a personal supply of tobasco available. And, of course, since it was a medical custody facility, I had a prescription for my tobasco. :wink:

67

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Raguleader, when I was put into the psych ward, I earned some huge respect for having the foresight to ask for permission to have a personal supply of tobasco available. And, of course, since it was a medical custody facility, I had a prescription for my tobasco. :wink:
[/QUOTE]

Medical prescription for tobasco… you are my new god, you know that? :smiley:

68

Why, thank you. :smiley:

69

I came in to mention jello. Anything that looks like that, tastes like that, and feels like that cannot possible be considered even remotely edible.

70

[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
I came in to mention jello. Anything that looks like that, tastes like that, and feels like that cannot possible be considered even remotely edible.
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The rabbis of the Conservative movement of Judaism say that it’s OK to eat things containing gelatin, even if the gelatin might come from a non-kosher animal. The reason for this (really) is that gelatin has undergone so many changes that it is no longer considered food, because supposedly a dog won’t eat gelatin. Anything a dog won’t eat is not considered food under the kosher laws, and therefore can’t be non-kosher.

To me, it’s clear that this means that the Conservative movement (the branch of Judaism to which I belong) says that jello is officially not food. Finally, somebody else has seen the light…

Tabasco and other pepper sauces are an essential part of the “spicy” food group.

There’s a trick to cooking Brussels sprouts and having them come out edible.

Step 0 is to make sure you buy good ones. Frozen are right out. They are indeed Satan’s sweaty balls. If you want a frozen vegetable, buy something like broccoli or peas that actually freeze well. Brussels sprouts must be fresh, and you really should only buy them when they’re in season. The season for them is mid-to-late fall. Just because you can buy them all year round, doesn’t mean you should… If you can get them on the stalk, you should (try a farmer’s market or a good small produce market). If you can’t find them on the stalk, look in the bin of loose Brussels sprouts for small ones that are more of a bluish-green than a yellow-green, and that don’t have the leaves starting to open. It’s OK if there are a few loose leaves at the bottom, but most of the leaves should still be tightly closed.

Once you get them, it’s vitally important that you not overcook them. Most people who cook Brussels sprouts overcook them, which is what causes that nasty sulfurous taste, mushy texture, and unholy stench. Cooking time for Brussels sprouts should never, ever, under any circumstances be longer than 10 minutes (unless, of course, you don’t plan to eat them, and are cooking them only to stink up the house and make relatives who have been visiting for too long leave). You can boil or steam them. They will still be slightly crunchy- this is good.

71

Anne Neville,

Well one thing I’ve tried is steaming them for a bit, not overcooking them but I see that my *fatal mistake was never using fresh sprouts. Because I am a stubborn little shit, I will try them once again, this time waiting for the forever banish the term *Satan’s Sweaty Balls * from my lexicon. :wink:

*it may sound like hyperbole but brussel sprouts really make me want to eat my own brain.

72

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Military mess hall cooking is in a circle all by itself. After all, where else would tobasco be consider exemplary of one of the major food groups*?

[/QUOTE]

I read that as ‘tobacco’ and was completely gagging.
Meatloaf is not food. It’s… I don’t even know. Blasphemy against the Meat Gods.

Grilled cheese. I have no idea if I could eat it again, but I was living off it for awhile until it started making me gag.

Any canned vegetables. gags

73

[QUOTE=gallows fodder]
Whaaaaaa-? That sounds like the stuff of nightmares!
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Seriously. My aunt would put cole slaw in her jello salad.

Just googling on “jello salad” brings up a full page of recipes that would make a normal human gag. Among add-ins are:

Mini marshmallows
Cinnamon imperials (candy)
Cottage cheese
Cream cheese
Cool Whip
Apricot babyfood
Crushed pineapple
Sour cream
Nonfat ricotta cheese

74

[QUOTE=tdn]
Just googling on “jello salad” brings up a full page of recipes that would make a normal human gag
[/QUOTE]

Jello salad is bad enough to gag a maggot.

75

Coffee. I hate the stuff and it really doesn’t help that the rest of the planet seems to drink a bucket a day. Damn you Starbucks, I swear you’re a conspiracy centred on my misery.

76

Almost everything named in this thread is something I actively enjoy. Liver? Love it. Eggs? The best. Mayo? I can at least tolerate it in stuff like potato salad, although just as a condiment I’d rather not bother. Capers? Could eat them straight of the jar. Ditto with olives. I’d gladly put bacon in damn near anything (I’ve had a bacon chocolate truffle, and it Was Good). I’ve never had some of the crazier stuff, but I’d at least try it. I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to food.

The only thing I won’t eat is Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is Satan’s smegma. It tastes like regular mayo that someone pissed in. It encapsulates, in one foodstuff, everything I hate about the entire universe.

77

[QUOTE=DLuxN8R-13]
Lettuce is just nasty. Nothing ruins a sandwich or a burrito as fast and as totally. A pox on lettuce!
[/QUOTE]

Glad to hear I’m not the only one. Lettuce/salad looks so good…then you take a bite and it tastes like crunchy stale water.

Tried cottage cheese once. Ohmygod I wanted to die.

Hot dogs are disgusting. If I am ever stuck at a BBQ with only hot dogs, I eat buns and chips. Or leave, cause what kind of jank ass BBQ only has hot dogs?

The smell of bananas drives me away. Mushy hate.

78

Re the proper cooking of Brussels sprouts, try this: Trim the sprouts (fresh!) of stems and discolored outer leaves. (Be careful not to trim the stem too close or the sprout will fall apart.) In a skillet with a cover, put half to three-quarters inch water, enough to come halfway up the side of your average-sized sprout. Put sprouts in water. Put skillet over medium-high heat and cover. Once water comes to middling simmer, start the timer. Jiggle the skillet occasionally to move the sprouts around for even cooking. At the five minute mark, fill a large bowl with cold water and ice cubes. At the next five minute mark, remove the skillet from the heat, drain the water, and put the sprouts in the ice water to shock them. Put the (empty) skillet back on the heat and pour in a healthy splash of both apple juice and apple cider. Reduce gently for two or three minutes. Remove the sprouts from the ice water. When the juice/cider has lost half its volume, put the sprouts into the skillet and toss gently until reheated. Dress lightly with Bacon Salt and serve warm.

(I used to hate them until I had fresh sprouts prepared properly. In season, my preferred produce outlet has fresh sprouts on the whole stem. Now those are some tasty eatin’.)

[QUOTE=Raguleader]
Also, eating in military chow halls, I have to admit to just general irritation at the practice of preparing a meal based on a very rough description, such as mixing spaghetti in with chunks of beef and calling it Yaki Soba.
[/QUOTE]
Chicken nuggets + peanut butter = Satay.

79

There are many “foods” I can’t stand, and a wide variety of accompaniments that ruin anything they touch (mayo, for instance) but this -
[QUOTE=NAF1138]
Sour Cream was created by the devil himself. It has fooled many into thinking it makes things like Nachos and baked potatoes more tastey, but in reality all it has done is find its way inside of you so it can corrupt you from the inside with it pure, white, unadulterated EVIL! (Unless it is being used in baking, in which case the heat turns it good…or something)

Seriously, I have thrown whole plates of take out mexican food away just because they accidentally put sour cream on the side. I am getting better, I can now allow my fiance to keep sour cream in the fridge. But that stuff is freakin foul. I will never undestand why it is so popular.
[/QUOTE]
is the stealth slime that one might find in the most unlikely places. A glop of sour hate does not improve the taste nor mouthfeel of any food I’ve yet encountered (unless it’s in cheesecake).
There should be giant warning labels on everything that contains this disgusting substance.
Typical exchange at a Mexican food place -
W - “Can I get you something to drink?”
M - “Iced tea with no sour cream please”
W - :confused: “would you like to order?”
M - ordering anything at all “With no sour cream!”

Later I receive a plate covered in sour cream, sour cream is hidden in my food, only my iced tea have they managed to keep sour cream free.

Sour cream makes me angry.

80

[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist]
Sour cream makes me angry.
[/QUOTE]
Would it be intemperate of me to suggest that you have issues?