What are the unwritten laws of your job

Advertising.

If the day has been quiet enough that you think you might actually get to go home at six for once, a client will call at 5 and say they want to have a meeting, never starting earlier than 7 (the latest so far is midnight).

Never put anything in your work that you’d be embarrassed to have to explain during a presentation. That means don’t use insulting comments as dummy copy, don’t give design layers snotty names, and don’t start writing flame mail in the middle of your body copy with the intent of deleting it later. I saw that last one blow up in the face of a writer from another company when his PR article contained a long diatribe about his boss, his boss’s boss, and the client, which he forgot to delete before sending the article to all three. He even ended it with “Reminder: delete this before sending.”

In matters of grammar and puctuation, right and wrong don’t matter nearly as much as consistency.

A demand from a client that you come in on Saturday (for anything but a final proof) means that they have dug themselves into a hole but have no idea what to do to get out. From this, you can be sure that:

  • The more frantically the client insists that you come in on Saturday, the less likely it is that you will actually do anything.
  • The chance that this “emergency, absolutely vital, Now! Now! Now!” content that you came in to make will eventually be tossed out and never used, is 1.0.
  • The chance that the client will ever acknowledge that this is all their fault for running around like a headless chicken, is 0.

Municipal court…

The deputy clerks will generally do as little as they can get away with. Yes, it’s their responsibility under the Civil Rules to send out all decisions. They won’t, so you must.

Don’t paraphrase testimony you just heard. You will always get it wrong.

Never announce a decision from the bench at the end of a civil trial. Even if it looks like it’s a slam-dunk for one side or another, you’ll always think of something that just might change the result when you’re on your way home at the end of the day.

Giving a lawyer extra time to file something, without objection, will almost always mean he’ll miss the new deadline, too. You’ll have to call him and ask where it is, and he’ll say (or imply) that he forgot about it and needs just a little more time, please. Just say no.

The copier will always crash late on Friday, when you really need to copy and send some stuff out.

Some uneducated but smart laypeople make better “lawyers” than real lawyers. So do many high-school moot court participants.

Sometimes your job is just to decide who’s lying better, or who’s lying a little less than the other guy.

Sometimes a scumbag wins because he should, given the facts and the law.

Yes, everybody passes through a metal detector before they come into your courtroom, but that doesn’t mean you should completely let your guard down.

Remember who bears the burden of proof.

The party with the most exhibits will forget to bring copies for the other side and for the court.

Even good, smart, hard-working judges and magistrates make mistakes sometimes. The best learn from them.

Treat everyone courteously. Remember, this may be the only time a party or defendant ever comes to court.

Do justice. Apply the law. Both, if at all possible.

Radiology

We always do each procedure the same way: Different every time.

-aka-

We always follow protocol: Each doctor’s personal protocol.