What are the various scams that one should watch out for on dating sites?

In My Humble Opinion
21

As a man, my online dating experience is undoubtedly different than yours, but I get my share of scams too. Hot young women half my age who live in the Philippines apparently find me irresistible. I think the first filter you should apply is location. I don’t take any contact seriously if she’s not within 50 miles of me, and even that is stretching it. I dated a woman who lived about 50 miles away for a few months, and it was a real challenge just getting together. Unless you’re in some very special situation, I don’t see why you would even be considering someone who lives hours away. How could such a relationship work? (I know there are long distance relationships that do work, but I honestly can’t see how, and I’m sure it wouldn’t work for me.) I do try to respond to most messages, even if I’m totally uninterested, because I know how depressing it can be to send out a thoughtful, carefully written message and get no response. But I don’t bother for the obvious scams, or the ones whose entire message is “hi there”.

In my experience the normal sequence is, you exchange a couple of messages on the dating site, then have a phone call, then meet for lunch, and if all that goes well, congratulations, you’re dating. You don’t even need to give out your phone number for step 2 – tell him you’ll call him, and block your CallerID when you call him. Only when you’re ready to meet in person should you give out your phone number or email address.

22

Another thing to watch out for is the never-meeters. There are plenty of people on dating sites who are married or already in relationships that have no intention of going past the texting/email phase and only want someone to message and share dirty pictures with but will never move beyond that point. A good warning sign is people who are never available in the evening.

23

Yes, this is it right there. They see you, and all older women, as a target. My mother has been complaining about this since my father passed away, and yet, when I’m over there, and a scam caller calls, she still stops to listen to them and say, “Sorry, I’m not interested.” I tell her she should just hang up, but she has trouble just being that rude, even to a scammer.

And the scammers know that. They’re predators, who don’t give a single crap about you beyond how much money they think they can get out of you.

You can see the scam coming, so now you just need to become willing to drop them without apology as soon as they act sketchy.

Anyone who really is interested in you should understand that. If they don’t, they’re not worth your time.

24

This, a thousand times over.

I would also STRONGLY encourage you, not what you’d expect, to get a Google Voice phone number. This acts as as a dummy phone number that, when called (or receives a text), routes the call to your real phone without the caller having the ability to know what your real phone number is. Since it’s not your real phone number you can just deactivate it and get a new one if some creeper starts harassing you.

I’m a teacher and use a Google Voice number to give out to my students. No student has my real phone number but any of them can (and often do) call or text me if they need questions answered.

As to what her can do with your phone number… a myriad of things. One thing that stands out is something that happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. He had a date that didn’t go well, so when he told the other guy it wasn’t going to work out the other guy got pissed. He (the other guy) made up a bunch of fake Craigslist ads for stuff that was in high demand (cheap apartments, cars, and the like) and, using my friend’s phone number as the contact number, posted the ads. This was in Portland, OR so there were a lot of people looking through the CL ads. My friend said he was getting dozens of calls per hour, and after just a day or two had to shut off his phone and get a new number.

So be wary.

25

I’d look out for any talk of money in the first few days of contact; either they want some from you or they lack the tact not to discuss their finances w/ uninvolved strangers.

But anyone who’s looking to meet men online should be aware that if a certain percentage of them get a chance to send you a dick pic they will take it. Not to entice you w/ it but simply to get off on your reaction (be it horror, anger or enjoyment). Plus, viruses to hijack your phone can be sent as a picture and the next thing you know you’re getting six-figure phone bills or worse. So add those to the other good reasons to stick w/ onsite communication until you meet in person.

Ignoring your questions or concerns is a red flag in any relationship; it’s telling you they don’t care and unless that’s your kink, press them once more and then end contact if they don’t respond positively. No ultimatum, just stop replying and block them; you’d likely have to do it eventually, b/c they’d keep running roughshod over your wants.

As you may have read, older women have been ‘lonely heart’ scam victims even more than before the age of the internet. They likely have disposable income and time to send it in the form of iTunes cards and Western Union Moneygrams.

Once you have a guy’s full name, Google him and check your state’s vital statistics department to see if he’s married. I learned the hard way that if they’ll lie to you to get one thing they want you can bet they’ll lie to you about everything.

I should say, these apply to meeting guys elsewhere, even places that aren’t dating specific. After dreadful luck w/ dating sites I finally chose to just gear my Meetup activities to groups of singles w/ my interests and treat the outings as a really big, loosely-organized group date. Nothing to lose there!

26

Thanks everyone for your great advice. I think I’m going to back off the dating sites a bit. They really do seem to be infested with people who are not who they say they are. What a terrible way to try to make a connection with someone.

I’m going to look into joining some hiking groups and do some volunteering.

27

Good idea. The person you want is probably right around the corner. I dated a woman I met on line, 100 miles away from me. And we got along great and had some fun. But in the end, which came after only a month or so, who was going to move?

Would I quit a very good job that I had for many years, sell my childhood home and uproot my kids? Nope. And she had the same. Either of us that left our lives behind in order to build a new relationship elsewhere were going to resent it.

Think Global, Buy Local.

28

I will point out that once you’re familiar with the scams, it is easy enough to avoid them. I don’t stop using email just because I get a few Nigerian spam emails. I still use my phone even though I get phony IRS investigation calls.

29

I’ve been using okcupid on and off for a couple of years, and I’ve never even started a conversation with a woman who turned out to be a scammer. It’s pretty easy to spot them.

Also, regarding this …

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a single email from okcupid, except notifications that someone messaged me, which I opted into. Which site is sending you these emails, and what are they saying?

30

I can tell you that getting out into groups of people will be much more enjoyable and satisfying than the online dating experience, which often feels like shopping instead of connecting.
Be open to group events outside your immediate interests; I found that once I stopped doing the same things I’d been doing I got a far better result. And I’ve been dating that result for 3 great years now!

31

Our divorced accountant (55, he’s my age) met his present GF at meetup.com, it’s all about meeting locals for shared interests, be it hiking, biking, music, games, pretty much anything, he’s an amateur musician, they met during a jam season party where a bunch of people brought their instruments, some liquid libation, and just played…the things he liked about it is you already share an interest and it’s local…and he’s found some good friends, men and women, through that site…

I think one of the previous suggestion from a poster about limiting your location to 50 miles is a great one, unless you live in the middle of nowhere, that limits people being able to contact you from anywhere.

My brother met his present GF through a dating site, couldn’t tell you which one, but it took a while, by the time they connected, they were both wary and a bit cynical, they had both restricted their profiles to a local area after a bit of a learning curve, but they seem happy…I would say, don’t give up yet…

Plus, if you get contacted by a really hot, young, ‘single’ chemist from the Capital District of NY, please send me, sorry, ‘him’ $100,000…I have to go now, for some reason, Mrs. BLTC is glaring at me…

All kidding aside, I think the old adage of if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is…but don’t give up, there are nice guys out there (my brother) who are really looking for a real relationship…

32

Only respond to people that you have contacted first. You do the pickin’ in other words.

33

And if everyone did that…?

34

This.

35

This too - and watch out for errors in such posts. Someone (not on a dating site, but Craigslist,) once tried to get me to send her money, saying she was a USAF servicewoman at “Salem AFB” in Oregon. There’s no such base.

36

Well, this is pretty much true of anyone you’ve just started seeing. Or aren’t effectively/actually married to for that matter.

37

As long as you’re careful it’s possible to meet nice people. Just stay off free sites, they are way more infested.

38

I just think for women it makes so much sense. And yeah, I did the on-line thing when my husband died. First people to contact me were scammers and players. Then I took matters into my own hands.

Signed, happily living with my internet boi I picked for the last 13 years.

39

Biggest scam is a person who wants a legitimate LTR/marriage

40

A “Foodie date”.

Basically women get men to take them out to expensive restaurants and get the men to pay. Only they have no intention of letting the relationship progress and they are only in it for the free meal. One woman actively seeks out lonely men and claims she get free and expensive meals sometimes twice a week. The article above mentions 40% of women on tinder mention having done this.

Men and gays also sometimes are said to do this.

HERE is another article from LA where a man claims she was only in it for free meals.

Does this count as a scam?