This is something I just recently started running across and I can’t figure out what they might be looking for. It almost seems like it could be dangerous. Anyway, normally after a few texts we will exchange phone numbers and have at least a couple of conversations and preferably at least one face time before we meet. Lately these girls are insisting on meeting after only one minimal chatting session and they refuse to talk on the phone or face time. I block as soon as I hear this but have no idea what they mihgt be after.
Maybe things have changed in the 10+ years since I’ve been on any dating sites, but I always wanted to meet sooner rather than later: I was up for exchanging a few messages, but then it was time to see if there was any in-person chemistry. I never saw the point of texting or phone conversations before meeting in person — let alone FaceTime (video? really?? why not just meet?). I quickly lost interest in anyone who wasn’t up for meeting pretty soon.
Just one woman’s $0.02.
(Recently I’ve been thinking about getting back into the dating scene, but if the expectation these days is mostly “extended getting-to-know-you time” it could be a little rough for me…then again, I’m 50…I’m hoping that you’re in your 20s or 30s and maybe it’s a generational thing. 
)
I am 73. I usually go on one or two dates a week. There are so many scammer out there now who are not even female. Texting is usually one day. Maybe 2 or 3 days of phone calls and then I will usually meet the same week.
To me, that would be a red flag that they aren’t women and just guys looking to rob you. They wait for you to show up for your date and then jump you on your way back to the car. You would be completely unsuspecting.
I have no recent online experience but my new wife, now age 64, has been dating online from about age 50 to 63 when we went exclusive.
Her plan was always to connect through the app the minimum possible amount necessary to decide whether the dude was hopeless or had at least some potential. And if not hopeless, to meet face to face ASAP. Which “minimum possible” was pretty well settled by their first two in-app transmissions in each direction. After that she wanted to meet face to face. Any pushback from him on meeting was game over.
As she put it: “I want to meet one time, for one hour, to answer one question: is there any reason to spend an evening with this dude?” If so, let’s rock. If not, let’s move on. Either way no harm no foul but piddling around with passing notes in class via text or email or whatever is flat stupid.
During the worst of COVID lock-downs allowances were made for that. So some of those “One hour one time one question” meetings took place over Zoom. But that is long gone now.
My thought back to the OP: Women in your demographic may be learning the benefits of being forward, not shy / scared / retiring. Welcome this change.
FaceTime avoids one being catfished.
I wouldn’t go out on a date without FaceTiming first.
It’s been awhile since I online dated, but almost all my dates (including my now wife) were a couple brief DMs and maybe one email. No phone calls with any of them beforehand except maybe for one. (This is a sample size of about a dozen). There was no Zoom back then, but I would have no interest in Zooming/FaceTiming before a date today. My wife’s philosophy (whom I met online dating) was that once some mutual interest is established, a date should follow ASAP. There’s really no need to talk in person beforehand when you’ll be talking on the date, and she didn’t believe in getting too invested in an epistolary or phone relationship only to find out on a date there’s no chemistry. It’s an approach I prefer, as well.
ETA: LSLGuy’s third paragraph about his wife exactly summarize’s my wife’s feelings on the matter.
I have gone on dozens of dates in the last, say, ten years. I have never had one video chat prior. It’s always been a few messages on the site, texts over a couple of days and then meet for coffee or a meal or a walk. Rarely there might be a phone conversation. I would certainly entertain a video call if they wanted to but no one has ever asked.
58 male. Never been catfished.
I met my wife on eHarmony. As I recall, we went on our first in-person date after minimal online chatting. No Facetime or Skype or anything either. Though I did talk to her on the phone a couple of times. I’m not sure if I would have gone through with it if I didn’t at least hear her voice first.
I would say that any “woman” who flatly refuses to at a minimum chat on the phone (at all) is scamming you. I don’t think that someone who wants to meet you in real life after just meeting you is a red flag, because it could be that they are just eager and excited. Or, they might not want to waste their time and energy unless they feel a real connection, and they can’t do that from a distance. That makes sense. And if someone puts off a phone call or video chat, there might be legitimate reasons for that. But the absolute refusal to talk on the phone or video chat is extremely (cat-)fishy, and I would not agree to a meet at that point. Or at least, meet somewhere public and safe, not some out-of-the-way or intimate place. Maybe even bring a friend just in case.
I broke up with my ex in April. We had talked a few times until recently. She told me that in July she started online dating again and within a week she had already been on a few dates. She hated texting and she said she would do the asking for coffee or dinner.
I’ve not run across women wanting to meet quickly, but it could be something similar where they don’t like to text.
This is just absurd. Maybe they don’t like talking on the phone or don’t want to waste time with dumbass toe dippers. These are far more likely.
If we text a bit and then agree to meet at Starbuck’s in two days, what exactly the fuck is the scam?
It looks like you didn’t read my post all the way through.
Meeting at Starbucks is not anything I’d consider risky, as I wrote.
I did read the whole thing and it’s all ridiculous. I just quoted the most ridiculous part.
You said using scare quotes that refusing to talk on the phone always indicates a scammer and that you should probably bring a friend along to the public coffee shop. You’re completely out of touch.
If you have concerns, you can.
Let me put it this way, if you’re being cagey about not wanting to chat with me, that’s a red flag.
It’s out of touch to be cautious? Some of the advice I gave is also seen on RAINN’s web site. Frankly, you’re giving dangerous advice to insist people let their guard down.
No.
It’s sensible to be careful. Women especially should let a friend know where they are going and arrange a check in call. A first date shouldn’t be at a remote wilderness location. This is sensible.
The claim that you made that someone simply not wanting a voice call first indicates a major red flag is ridiculous.
Again, if we’ve connected on a dating site, we’ve texted for a bit and we’ve agreed to meet at a Starbucks downtown during the day for an hour, how does not wanting a phone call indicate a catfish. What scam could they be pulling?
Keep moving those goal posts though
I have no dog in this fight, but (speaking of goalpost-moving) I’m seeing a big difference between your “not wanting” and @Atamasama’s “flatly refusing.”
Fair point.
I’m not moving goal posts. I made clarifications within my initial post for crying out loud. You’re acting like I just said “it’s a scam if they don’t want to talk first” and that can’t be further from the truth.
As I already said, I don’t see a problem with meeting at a Starbucks for a first date. That was clear in my initial post. I confirmed that in a subsequent post. You’ve set up a straw man.
I even tried to make it clear, from the onset…
I said if they want to meet in-person right away that’s not a red flag, I’d just consider that being eager. If I’ve made an online connection and they want to meet me, that’s a good thing.
Note that both of my marriages started from meeting online. I’ve dated a few other women I met online (one very serious, I lived with her for 6 months and almost got married). I’m not totally inexperienced or anything.
In this morning’s bit of irony, I just matched with a woman on Tinder and she wants my phone number so we can talk first.