So it turns out there are no goldilocks jobs. Maybe that’s why they call it work 
There are some seriously cake jobs in showbiz. Not as many as a lot of people think, but they’re out there. Announcer on the Tonight Show (or similar), for instance: pays well into the 6-figures for virtually no real work.
And while acting is not typically a cake job, if you get the right contract on a tv show, movie, or commercial that becomes a big hit, you can sit back and rake in paychecks for literally decades for what can amount to as little as a few hours’ work.
Lifeguard is easy? Sure, most days you’ll just sit, maybe blow the whistle and yell at someone for breaking a rule. But you’ve got to remain constantly vigilant of a huge moshpit of yelling kids, trying to notice if one of them goes under. If you don’t pay enough attention, a little child could die. Doesn’t sound cushy to me!
Relevant Mitchell & Webb sketch.
My guess is that Kozmik worked in a produce department exclusively. Having worked both freight crew and produce, the latter is generally easier on the body and much less stressful. Rotation plays a much more major role in produce than grocery and this in addition to the time one takes culling bad product makes the job slower paced.
I don’t know how one gets around dealing with customers on a store floor, though (only one grocery chain I’m familiar with - Fred Meyer - has graveyard produce shifts).
Hell, I worked in produce, and the store was small enough that I did pretty much every job (except ordering stuff) over four or five weeks. It was not a terribly demanding job mentally, but it wasn’t easy either.
I had a temp job testing postage meters. It involved sitting in a big, empty room by myself and running envelopes through the postage meter one at a time. At the end of the day, I recorded the number on the machines counter.
A student of mine is a correctional officer at the local prison. He said it’s the most boring job he’s ever had. He said he (more-or-less) just sits around doing nothing.
My dream job. . . mattress tester
Office worker in Department of Solid Waste in a major Texas city. When I was a contract worker there, one of the Department employees was a lady who refused to do any work at all. She brought books to read, generally romance novels. She knew that she could not be fired for any performance reasons, and she did not do any of the things for which she could be fired - for example, she never set any fires, or stripped. Whenever anybody ever asked her to do something, she politely refused. It can hardly get any easier than never doing any work of any kind at all.
Probably the cushiest jobs are some “caretaker” positions, where you basically housesit in a luxurious home or summer retreat while it’s owners are somewhere else, and you aren’t expected to do much more than call for assistance if needed.
Of course that’s probably what these people thought.
30 posts and nobody’s metioned Walmart greeter?
Play your guitar on MTV
That aint workin’
That’s the way you do it
Money for nothing and your chicks for free.
The smell would get to me sooner or later. 
That one is probably not that easy because you still have to deal with the general public and have to be on your feet during your shift. The people that have those jobs are generally pretty old as well so that makes it harder. I am glad Wal-Mart makes the opportunity available to them but I wouldn’t want it even for several time what they make.
My last job was on a “campus” with the main building having 1300 employees, me included. It had security 24/7/365 and I often came in as a contractor when I was the only one in the building other than them, I had three security people sitting behind a desk either watching me or, more likely, doing jack shit all day and night with a fleet of security trucks as well.
I’ve been meaning to start a thread on this for years . . .
WHAT IS their job? The name suggests that they’re supposed to say hello as you walk in, or maybe just smile, or perhaps at least look in your direction, but I have never in my life received the slightest acknowledgment from one. It’s as if they’re paid to stand there and give you a bad impression of Wal Mart employees.
I walked in a Walmart the other day. The typical “old man” greeter was sitting (on a stack of sodas) there at the door. We both happened to make eye contact. When we did I said “Hey, how ya’ doing?”
He didn’t answer me. He just got this scowling look on this face as if how dare I even exist in the same universe as him.
It was kind of funny. Almost as tho’ the entire Walmart store was his lawn.
Oh that’s happened to me many times. You dare to say hello to them and they give you a look that says “fuck your mother.”
Oh, please tell me she was reading Bartleby the Scrivener???
Wally World likes to call them “greeters” but their main purpose is loss prevention.
Be glad they don’t acknowledge you. Around here, they say hello to everyone entering and goodbye to everyone leaving. I guess the theory is that acknowledging you as you enter and leave makes you less anonymous, and therefore less likely to shoplift. They also will ask to check your receipt if you walk out with something that they think is an expensive item.
I personally find them very annoying. Be glad that the ones near you keep their mouths shut.
“Professional poker player” probably seems like a reasonable answer. As the saying goes, however, it’s a hard way to make an easy living.