What are you a Purist about?

In My Humble Opinion
41

If you put ice in it, it had better have “ice” in its name. Ice water, iced tea, iced lemonade – all those are fine. I did not order iced Coke or iced Sprite.

Oh, and if I do order iced tea, it had better be sweet.

Bagels are boiled, not steamed. If it’s steamed, it’s not a bagel, it’s bread with a hole in it.

When I say “pizza”, I mean New York-style pizza. When I want Chicago-style pizza, I will ask for “fake pizza”. When I want California-style pizza, I will ask for “wannabe pizza”.

Mayonaise is a crime against nature.

While milk chocolate is acceptable, having at least some chocolate solids in it, it is not proper chocolate. White chocolate, having only cocoa butter in it, but no chocolate solids, is therefore not chocolate at all, though yummy. Carob is grounds for summary execution.

Pluto is not a planet, it is a Kuiper belt planetoid. Yes, many scientists thought that it was a planet. Many scientists thought that the ether existed, too.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of bad taste, Kraft Mac & Cheese (with the orange cheese food byproduct powder) shall be my guide, and I shall not be afraid. I am so ashamed.

I will drink decaf only at the point of a sword. Or if there’s nothing else. But I’ll bitch the whole time.

42

I know some draughts are supposed to be served up to room temperature. But, goddamn, I’m an American and I like my beer cold.

43

I’m a purist about a couple things

Techno music(well, actually electronic music in general)
Vodka
Beer(except for my taste for Malt liquor)
Hockey

44

Lobster.

Bay of Fundy lobster, no butter, and eat all of it, even the legs. (I don’t carry this through to the roe or the inner green stuff - whose name has slipped my mind - I don’t have a taste for either.) Dissassemble the body to get the inside of the legs. Good stuff. No lobsters that have recently molted - they don’t taste nearly as good.

45

The term you’re thinking of is GINO.

Godzilla In Name Only

[sub]And, may I just note, I was saddened by the closing of the temple. Are your original stories still available somewhere? I never finished reading the second one…[/sub]

46

Yes, I’m aware of the term “GINO” (I even remember who first coined the name on the old alt.movies.monster newsgroup).

As for the ol’ temple, it was recently ressurrected in all of its original glory (and then some). The guys who were hosting the site came up with some nifty CGI scripts to prevent people from linking directly to the images, and this took care of the bandwidth leakage problem.

http://www.godzillatemple.com

Have fun!

Barry

48

Bah, real macaroni and cheese is a baked dish; Kraft has just managed to convince people that their boxed M&C is the canonical version. However, I supposed we have to throw them some sort of bone; does Kraft make anything that isn’t vaguely “fake”?

49

Shakespeare.

<rant>

I watched the Ethan Hawke Hamlet and it bothered me, primarily because the “To be or not to be” soliloquy was delivered in, of all places, a Blockbuster Video. A friend of mine later watched it after hearing me rant and called me up to tell me how brilliant it was. My reaction: “Dammit, Jordan, it’s Shakespeare! There’s no Blockbuster Video in Shakespeare!”

</end rant>

Oh, and theatre superstitions. I’ve actually tackled people for saying “Good luck” or whistling in the house.

50

I like ice-cold Cuervo-Gold…and Texas Chili w/ NO BEANS…ever.

These two things are not negotiable.

Oh! and good cigars…damn I gotta have a good cigar w/ my tequila.

51

Margaritas on the rocks, thank you.

Butter means Butter. If I want WhateverBrand’s “I Can’t Believe I’m Eating It” non-dairy, non-healthy, non-tasty, marginally non-toxic spread, then I will ask for it.

Scotch, single malt, neat.

Laura Scudder’s is the only true peanut butter. Anything else is to peanut butter what processed cheese goop is to cheese.

Cheese: No processed cheeses need apply.

Burgers/Burritos: How dare you sell this thing to me by one of those names and not include cheese on it?!

BBQs: Wood, wood-charcoal, charcoal – in descending order of preference. Propane/NG just don’t cut it.

Wine: Death before fortified.
Wine tastings: I want a glass. I didn’t ask for a plastic. If you think your wine tastes okay from plastic, I’m going to the next table.

Mayonnaise: Best Foods looks like clotted pus. I can’t eat that.

Coffee: Black, Hot, Strong, Fresh. From good beans. A crappy cup of coffee is worse than no coffee at all – and if it’s not fit to drink black it’s not fit to drink.

Hmmm, that’s enough for now.

52

Oh, btw, shrew, I hope my (future) children’s teachers have your integrity about grading!!

53

Tea

  1. Herbal tea isn’t tea. Call it a tisane if you must drink it, but don’t tell me it’s tea unless it contains leaves from the Camellia sinensis plant.

  2. No flavored tea. If I want something that tastes like boysenberries, I’ll eat a damned boysenberry! Don’t pollute harmless tea leaves with flavors or spices or infusions. And that Earl Grey fellow has some serious explaining to do if I ever find him…

  3. No iced tea. Letting tea go cold is a sin in and of itself. Compounding that sin by adding ice and enough sugar to cause diabetic convulsions is evil.

  4. No tea bags. That’s not tea. The dust in those bags is just the crap they sweep up off the floor after they’re done making the real tea.

  5. No CTC tea. If it looks like little crinkly pellets, it’s not real loose-leaf tea. CTC tea is made of poor quality leaves that have been run through a tobacco cutter to speed up the process–it’s not even close to real orthodox method tea.

  6. No blended tea. Get that can of Twinnings away from me. I want tea from a single estate, not some bastard mixture from all over the world that tastes like the least common denominator.