I’ve never seen Swiss Army Man, but aside from the specific example of a talking, farting corpse, you’ve described my reaction to Donnie Darko.
Lol, in case there is any doubt, the score is 17-0 as I type this:
Modnote: Please none of this. I’ll assume this was joking, but no insulting other posters.
Only two cinema experiences that I’ve really hated. Both have probably got 5-star reviews from fans etc. Both very well-made.
No 1 - Attack of the Clones. (Yes, far, far worse than Phantom Menace). All the reasons. Just terrible. Only saving grace was the noise of the explosion in the asteroid belt. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of the movie.
No 2 - Quartet. Dustin Hoffmans directorial debut. All-Star (primarily) British cast - Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay and more. Basaed on a very successful play.
How can I describe it? It was a pretty thin story, so all the entertainment came from seeing how the director and cast delivered the product. It was poised. It was so bloody poised it was terrible. All the actors acted wonderfully (and knew it). All the emoting was done classically. Everyone was well aware that this was a worthy production. And it showed.
OK I am going to add to my previous post about the worst movies I have because now people are talking about the movies they HATED regardless of how well they were made.
Two movies I hated…
The Boss Baby: Family Business a.k.a Boss Baby 2. I did NOT see the first one and only saw THIS one because I agreed to help ,my sister take four of our nieces (all aged under 6 to see it.) Annoying and stupid.
Napoleon Dynamite Hated, hated this film. Characters are unlikeable and annoying. Tries to hard to be “quirky strange film.”
This thread is giving me some movies I need to check out. For example, I’ve (somehow) never seen The Remains of the Day, but it sounds like the main character is someone I could relate to (based on the comments here about no one being able to relate to someone who isn’t a super emotional Hollywood character.
It’s about a character who doesn’t allow himself to have a life of his own. I hope nobody here could relate to such a character.
Yes. Ishiguro seems to lay this at the foot of the British class system, but I’m pretty sure not every butler was like Stevens.
Also, if you like the word dignity, there’s a lot here for you.
Where the Heart Is (2000). Didn’t even have to give it any thought.
A mediocre film with some seriously despicable characters that are supposed to be cute and lovable. If there is one film I would forbid my daughter from watching (if I had the power…but I don’t), it would be this one.
Starship Troopers: The story had some potential. But turning it into a alien slaughter fest was just plain wrong.
The Desolation of Smaug: If you added about 30 minutes to one of the other two movies explaining the most important parts of this movie, this series would have been so much better.
The Two Jakes I wasted two hours watching a boring movie hoping it would be as good as Chinatown.
The Nut Job Bland and boring.
I’ve suffered through a few films. My daughter loves The Phantom of the Opera, so we watched the 2004 film a few years ago. I couldn’t wait for it to end. Same goes for Everything Everywhere All at Once. How it won so many Academy Awards is beyond me. I couldn’t stand it.
I watched 20 minutes of Natural Born Killers, and then ejected the DVD.
Last weekend we watched The Blackcoat’s Daughter. What a pretentious piece of crap. Boring. Couldn’t wait for it to end.
If you’re a completist (and why would you be for CotC), there is a “student film” version called Disciples of the Crow (re-named The Night of the Crow) done by University of Texas - Austin folks that wasn’t half bad, except they must have run out of money because it stops halfway through the story.
Wow… everyone missed the worst movie ever made. Paint Your Wagon.
( I had nightmares that I could never sing again ) after watching this awful… “musical” when no one had a voice.
When Lee Marvin sang… I almost threw up. 
And, what about the golden pipes of Clint Eastwood?
“I talk to the trees…” 
“Gonna paint your wagon,
Gonna paint it fine,
Gonna use an oil-based paint
'Cause the wood is pine.”
“Maaarrrge, why aren’t they killing each other?”
I saw War Horse recently. Absolute drivel. It was basically just two and a half hours of saccharine sludge. With just a couple of exceptions, all the main characters (and there are a lot of main characters) are stone cold morons. I spent the wild movie hoping they’d all get shot. Unfortunately, only about half of them did.
If I was being charitable, I might give it half a star, but only because at times it was unintentionally funny.
Alien 3. If it’s anything I hate, it’s a sequel that completely invalidates the previous movie. You might as well have made this story after the first movie and not bothered with the second (which I love; that rare sequel that equals or even surpasses the original)
A holiday double-header: Christmas with the Kranks and A Series of Unfortunate Events. After those, I told the Mrs. “You’ve used up your Christmas movie quota for the next two years.”
That was a damn shame, as the book it’s based on (Grisham’s Skipping Christmas) was so good. Gotta trust your source material.
Aliens Vs Predator 2 for the very simple reason it’s too dark. Literally, it’s almost impossible to see the lighting is so bad, and it’s not just me. Back when the IMDB forums were a thing there were multiple topics asking if the print of the film they saw was damaged because they couldn’t see anything. There are websites with screenshots of the film that say they had to artificially brighten the screenshots in post or else you wouldn’t be able to see anything.
I think the consensus now is that the film was deliberately darkened in an effort to not get the film an NC-17 rating due to how violent it was (not unheard of since Kill Bill also shot an entire action sequence in black and white for similar reasons) except in this case they fucked up and made it TOO dark.
Next time watch Saving Christmas with Kirk Cameron.
It is a Christian movie about Christmas that culminates with them encouraging huge indulgences and saying buying a big Christmas tree is awesome because “Christ died on a tree”. It has the exact opposite message you’d expect from a Christian Christmas movie.
It has zero positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and, get this, only contains 50 or so minutes of actual story progression in an 80 minute movie. In and of itself, it is a scam.