There are so many that I find hysterical that I will just sit back and let others go first. I am pretty sure I have watched over 1000 hours of this show. I guess, like the late, great Bill Hicks, I am addicted to it.
How about an all COPS network? Seriously, 24 hours a day, nothing but COPS. If for no other reason, I would never again hear someone bitch and moan about “400 channels and STILL nothing on”. I was thinking about doing special theme episodes, like one featuring all the crybabies, one with all the cross-dressers, one with the craziest people, and so on.
Did anyone ever see that Jack-in-the-Box commercial that was a take-off on COPS? I saw it twice so I know I didn’t just dream it, but it was hilarious and I think too “out there” to catch on or something.
Nutshell: Jack is followed to a house by a cameraman and he proceeds to accuse the guy of calling his food “Junk in the Box.” The guy bolts and they chase him through the house and yard and I think over a couple of fences until Jack pins him down, shoves a bacon cheeseburger in his mouth and the guy agrees it’s actually good. They even have shots of “innocent bystanders” with their faces all pixilated out. Genius!
A memorable COPS episode I saw recently featured the police tracking down a woman who has supposedly dined & dashed from a local restaurant. They tracked her down outside a store down the street or something and started to question her and she seemed totally normal for about 5 minutes, even though her story is a bit suspect (the woman at that place has always hated her and is trying to get her in trouble – eh maybe, but I could see it happening in a small enough town.) Anyways, I think they’re about to let her go but just need to check her license for some reason and she opens her purse and there’s like a million bottles of prescription pills in it, some with medications, some with things like her urine, which she’s keeping as evidence against this woman so she can “prove” she’s being slowly poisoned by her. She got full-on crackpot after that and it was really quite something to see.
One of my all time favorites is the guy that is the head of the “Memphis Gay Mafia”, and had just married Lisa Marie Presley that day, but his Rolls Royce broke down so they are sending a limo, and Elvis was alive and at the wedding, etc… That guy needs his own show. That’s all there is to it.
There was one episode where the police responded to a domestic dispute. The guy and girl had got into a shouting match, and the guy threw his cheeseburger at her. There was some video of the cops calming the couple down, along with a few shots of the cheeseburger-turned-missile, lying on the floor.
Domestic violence sucks, but I couldn’t help laughing. [Austin Power’s voice] Really, who throws a cheeseburger!?! [/Austin Power’s voice]
My favorite moment from COPS was when the police stopped by the trailer park and busted the shirtless guy with the mullet for possession or maybe for domestic violence, and then all of the shirtless mulletted guy’s kids with mullets came out of the trailer, and then the shirtless mulletted guy’s wife came out and pleaded with the police not to take her man away, and then the shirtless mulletted guy got really pissed and in post-production they had to bleep his comments out. That was awesome.
Oh wait, that’s every moment of COPS.
[Post lifted from Jim Rome’s bit on COPS, one of his few humorous bits.
I’ve seen maybe four or five eps of COPS ever, but that was one of them. Unforgettable. It sorta reminded me of a time I was with the Tucker-babe in a restaurant, and she went into the bathroom, and didn’t come out for about a half-hour. Another customer was in the bathroom, and wanted to keep talking to her. She finally managed to get away, and we asked our server about this gal. He said that everyone at the restaurant knew her, and she was really harmless, but she does get a little talkative when she goes off her meds.
My favorite is when there’s a creature that shifts its shape attacking a neighborhood and Mulder and Scully help one of the officers track it after it attacks a prostitute and a sketch artist- what, crossovers don’t count?
Some dumbass ex-Marine (I myself am a “former” Marine, of course) keeps attempting to force the cops to “Explain” every decision they make in his arrest. By the fifth time he had said, “EXPLANTION,” I would have lost my temper with him.
One of my favorites is the irate trucker in drag that got ripped off by a prostitute he picked up. I would have rather taken the loss than suffer the embarrassment he felt for calling that one in.
My personal favorite was the one where a guy shoots his wife/girlfriend in the neck with a .22 caliber pistol.
Wait, that’s not the good part.
The real entertainment lies in the fact that being shot in the neck simply pisses her off and she proceeds to kick his ass and tie him up with an electrical cord until the police can arrive. Then she fumes around and cusses about him shooting her in the neck. The only thing I could think during that episode was “never shoot a charging rhino with a .22.”
heh who needs cops? I used to work nights in a hotel with a bar I used to see cops episodes right in my lobby.
Back to the OP my favorite was when they were chasing this guy to find him slumped down against a wall. They started questioning him and he started talking about his ‘twin’ brother that went running down the street. His twin brother also had given him the shoes he was currently wearing (he brought this up like 3 times I guess he thought the cops had somehow tracked him through his shoes) the cops humored him for awhile
“Oh you’re twins huh? Which one is older you or him?”
“ummm I don’t…Ahh…He is!”
“so he’s the older twin?”
“yes!”
“by how much? Three, Four…months?”
“ahhh three months!”
They cuffed him shortly after that. I honestly don’t know how cops resist beating people like that the moment they open their mouths.
I haven’t watched this show in a long time, but I’m pretty sure this is the one I’m thinking of. If not, it’s very similar. I don’t remember the woman being shot though, I think the b/f tried to slap her around. When she tried to use the phone to call the police, he ripped it out of the wall. So, she decides to hog-tie him with the cord, carry/drag him outside, and prop him up on the curb to wait for the police. She had tied him up so efficiently, the cops got the giggles just trying to undo him. I think they decided not to cuff him, and just take him as is to the station.
The guy who is denying that he is carrying any controlled substances on him, after being asked repeatedly…except that he forgot there was a joint behind one of his ears, in plain view of the camera and the officers.
A food fight between a husband and wife. When the man answered the door, he is completely covered in flour and eggs. The officers are trying so hard not to laugh. The couple basically emptied the contents of the cupboards and fridge on each other.
Loved that Cheeseburger throwing episode. The cops should of punched them both in the face for wasting everyone’s time.
Favorite episode was one of those that was in Seattle I think. Some goth kid was in a hallway threathening to slice his throat with a huge hunting knife. The funny part was the cop that was talking to the kid was munching on an apple all the while trying to convince this kid not to do it.
COP: MunchMunch*. Mouth full and still chewing, “Why you want to kill yourself?” MunchMunch*
A very early COPS. Maybe even from the first season. It was Boston, I think.
Call came from the owner of a house complaining of “strange” people rolling around in her backyard. When the cops get there it’s two guys, two very high guys-- one without pants on.
Cop to dressed guy: Where you rolling around in this backyard?
Guy: No, no. I was just walking through.
Cop:Why is you back and hair covered in leaves and dirt?
Guy:It’s not that much.
Cop to guy without pants:Why don’t you have your pants on?
Guy:I just was walking, you know, walking. . .
Cop:With your pants around you ankles?
I don’t understand why some of these people sign release forms.
