Yep, that’s the one.
Dialogue doesn’t get any better than this:
Bill Duke: “You scared, motherf****er? You should be. Cause this Green Beret is gonna kick your ass.”
Ah-nold: “I eat Green Borays foh beckfist, und right now I’m FAIRY hungry!”
Rae Dawn Chong (speaking for the entire audience): “I can’t believe this macho bullshit.”
Or:
Latin American Thug: “Sleeting a leedle girl’s throat is like cutting warm butter.”
Or this:
Rae Dawn Chong: “What’s this all about?”
Ahnold: “A man I’ve known all my life wants me dead.”
Rae: “That’s understandable. I’ve only known you for 5 minutes and I want you dead, too.”
And the guy playing Bennett… sorry, but guys who look like Freddy Mercury with a huge beer belly should NOT be wearing muscle shirts or acting tough.
Finally, whenever anyone wonders how Alyssa Milano could do such cheesy, sexploitation movies… she probably looked at “Commando” and thought, “NOTHING I ever do in the future could possibly be more embarrassing than this.”
My favorite thing about that movie is that Sully guy he throws off the cliff is played by that same guy that did the smarmy, weaselly little villain gang leader in The Warriors.
That bottle clinking scene from that movie as he shrieks “Warriors…come out to playeeeeaaayyyyy” is forever etched into my brain.
Heck, put The Warriors on the list for the OP!
Cutthroat Island.
Dreadful miscasting? Check - Geena Davis as the pirate captain (?!??!), and Matthew Modine as her bizarre love interest.
Ridiculous plot? Check. Something about a map, and an island, and treasure. Funny how pirates are always burying their money somewhere, rather than, you know, spending it.
Bad one-liners? Oh, that’s a check. The worst are the “comedy” bits inserted between Modine and Davis as they stumble toward realizing they love each other.
Huge box office failure? Most definitely check. This is the movie that bankrupted Carolco Pictures, and it’s still unmatched as the biggest money-loser in Hollywood history.
But it’s just so damn fun. Pirates, swords, guns, cannons, ships, monkeys…it’s all just awesome, in a huge, dumb way. It was one of the first DVDs I owned, and I just bought it again on Blu-Ray for ten bucks.
Thanks to caligulathegod (who mentioned it in an earlier thread), my current favorite “so bad it’s good” movie is Spider Baby.
I can’t believe I was beat to this. Well played, worthy adversary.
Although you can’t forget it’s twin that was born about a year later, Kickboxer. Virtually the same movie, but for the lack of an awesome 80s theme song.
This one is awesome. I’d forgotten all about it. His accent was stronger then too, which lended even more hilarity to his godawful one-liners.
No Escape where Ray Liotta is trapped on a prison island.
**They Live **with Rowdy Roddie Pipper. “I came here to do two things - kick ass and chew bubblegum…and I’m all out of bubblegum.”
Commando - “Don’t disturb my friend…he’s dead tired.” and “Let off some steam Bennet.”
Exit Wounds - How can you not love the combination of Stephen Segal and DMX?
Robocop - “Dick…YOUR FIRED!!!”
Oh hellz yeah! I adore this movie. You forgot, though, the ridiculous national stereotypes (the stupid American biker-looking dude, the Japanese guy must be a sumo, the African fighter who has to act like a monkey). And Bolo Yeung is just too awesome to not be on the list. And the totally pointless “police chasing Frank Dux” plotline.
Do MST3K versions count? I came across the Pod People episode on YouTube, and I think I’ve fallen in love.
If that sort of thing counts, I’d like to recommend two pre-MST3K compilations of “worst of the worst”
Zacherly’s Horrible Horror --Actually includes outtakes from Killers from Space and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, with lots of other assorted goodness. Sadly, only on VHS, and hard to find, at that
It Came from Hollywood --comments by John Candy, Gilda Radner, and others. Some wonderfully awful stuff in here, stripped of the boring parts. White Pongo, with the attacking White Gorilla, is one of my favorite parts. It looks less real than a Mugatu! Like a lot of MST3K episodes, it was tied up for a long time by copyright issues, but it finally has come out on DVD:
It’s kind of like “The Gong Show” meets “Police Academy” with a little “Kingpin” thrown in for good measure. Incredibly stupid, offensive, and crude. But when was the last time you saw a movie with Jaye P. Morgan, Billy Barty, Pat Morita, Andrew Dice Clay, Linda Blair, and “The Unkown Comic”? Never! That’s when!
For me, the worst part of this magnificent crapfest is that they spend the entire movie teasing you that you’re going to see the lovely Ms. Blair’s knockers, but they never deliver the goods. Bastards!
Do movies that were meant to be bad count?
If so, and the first movie that came to mind, is Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.
Bad, bad, ridiculous movie, but I can watch it even now after so many viewings and it will make me laugh.
Especially when he acts like Freddy Mercury if ya know what I mean.
Streets of Fire
Idiocracy
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
The follow-up line is even better in context, but not quite as quotable:
Rae: What happened to Sully?
Arnold: I let him go.
Horror Express.
I watch this movie every Halloween, and love it more than is reasonable. Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing as rival Victorian scientists are on a train rushing across Siberia and there’s a thawed-out caveman possessed by an alien entity that can suck out people’s memories and life experience loose on board. The alien entity can also jump into another body when need be, and raise the dead (Zombies on a Train!). Can our heroes work together to stop this menace before the train heads over a cliff?
This fine film also features Telly Salvalas as a Cossack officer. Lee and Cushing frown with understated-but-severe British disapproval at his overacting.
From Dusk till Dawn
A totally cheesey vampire flick, with a sweat - inducing appearance by Salma Hayek. What’s there not to like?
Point Break: love love love it, but the dialog (mostly from Special Agent Utah) is halting, ridiculous, and appears to be read from giant phonetic cue-cards…