I had heard about these for quite some time, and even being more informed about them now, the whole concept still creeps me out. The website says that people are ‘socialized’ to avoid touching other strangers or some such business. I don’t know if I totally agree with this. I have my own personal set of boundaries, based on how well I know people in my life. The idea of getting together solely for physical contact seems just…empty to me. It also makes me admittedly slightly biased against those who do frequent such events- if you are so starved for physical affection, why not get it through family members or your significant other? Are some people so socially awkward they need to convene in such arbitrary pseudo-adult-slumber parties?
Cuddle Parties = Dating for Losers
It’s weird, but I suppose whatever floats your boat. I’d absolutely hate to be invited to one. Attending one is something I would hate even more.
(from the link above):
*STICK TO THE RULES:
Pajamas stay on the whole time.
You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
If you’re a maybe, say NO.
You are encouraged to change your mind anytime you want.
Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
Tears and laughter are both welcome.
Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties and do not gossip.
Arrive on time.
Be hygienically savvy.*
Can dry humping get any dryer?
OTOH, we had a thread a while back about how some of us were creeped out by the enforced hugging at social events such as church and 12-step meetings. If this provides a safety valve for that urge, I’m all for it.
Pajamas stay on the whole time.
Because a raging erection is that easy to hide
You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
But… awww… c’mon… don’t be shy… c’mon… COME ON!
You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
“May I touch you, slowly?”
If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
And keep on saying no, all evening if necessary, when badgered by the man with the poorly-concealed raging erection
If you’re a maybe, say NO.
Because it makes no difference anyway
You are encouraged to change your mind anytime you want.
And most of this encouragement will come in the form of badgering from those with poorly-concealed raging erections, asking you to let them touch you slowly - see above.
Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
“I AM going to touch you slowly, because I respect you; that’s OK, isn’t it? Why else would you be here”
Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
Do you understand what this means? Didn’t think so. Do you find it vaguely reassuring? That’s right.
Tears and laughter are both welcome.
Because ‘bipolar’ is just another way of saying ‘fun’!
Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties and do not gossip.
So don’t tell anyone about the raging erection that was pressed against you by a hysterically laughing, sobbing man. It’s private.
So, if, hypothetically, I attended one of these things, I’d be dressed in pajamas (do adults wear pajamas?) and would be approached by another pajama-clad adult who needs to be reminded about “hygiene savvy”. Said adult, who could be the same or opposite sex, would then awkwardly request permission to touch me some specific way. While touching me, they are encouraged to laugh or cry, and change their mind about touching me at any time. All touching is monitored.
Yeah. If I didn’t have issues going in… I’d have boatload of them afterwards.
The most pathetic Pajama Party evah.
It appears to me to be an attention-whoring event where everyone is screaming out for love that they don’t have in their daily lives. NO ONE LOVES ME! WAAAAH!
If you have to choreograph it, it ain’t love. And if it ain’t love, it would be less comfort and more salt-in-the-wound to attend.
I would hope that they are. We have a word for touching complete strangers without an invitation. That word is “assault”.
Seriously, I just don’t get the appeal of “cuddling” with people I don’t know. I also wouldn’t, for instance, just start telling random strangers my deepest thoughts and feelings. I understand the desire for physical contact, but jesus, go to a bar and get yourself laid the old fashioned way! 
I think it sounds weirdly fascinating and yes, creepy. But I’d like to hear someone defend it. Obviously they’re being held. Has anyone gone to one and can report back?
I think I know how that conversation would go; it would be like the exchange with FriarTed’s friend in this thread.
I am one of those people who doesn’t do all the fake kissing and hugging among friends that many people do. I always say that the only people I kiss are little kids, elderly people, women I am having sex with and women I would like to have sex with.
However years ago my wife and I were with 3 lesbian friends and after much drinking they wanted to play games that they had learned at some “retreat”- revealing stories about ourselves, eating stuff blindfolded, trust exercises and the like. They suggested this game where we layed in a line side-by-side on the floor and the person at one end would roll over the others to the far end. When we got to the wall we began to roll back. My wife and I were a bit iffy about it but were taunted into doing it (accusations of homophobia and the like).
I was amazed at how much fun it was. Well not that really, they were all women after all, but other than my wife there was no hint of sexual interest yet the experience left me with a terrific buzz. Way out of proportion to the time and apparent minimal intimacy involved.
WTF is that??? An orgy where everyone stays clothed? And WHOSE idea was this in the first place?.. I am going to have to go on a limb and say it wasn’t a straight man… No man in his right mind would have a bunch of people over just to hold hands?.. Really, whose idea was it?.. It sounds like a group therapy session gone WAY wrong…
shakes head
I’d go to one. And I don’t understand all the vitriol. If it isn’t your cup of herbal tea, don’t drink it.
It sounds a lot less pathetic than going to a singles bar or an orgy.
If I came across as vitriolic, I certainly didn’t intend to; the idea strikes me as highly absurd, weird, abnormal(in the non-statistical sense), and I can imagine people being pressured into attending, and once attending, being pressured into cuddling when it isn’t what they really wanted; persuasion can be quite subtle and incremental sometimes.
I found myself (inexplicably, pretty much against my sober will) attending an ‘interpretive dance’ seminar once; once I was there, the alternatives consisted of: Making a complete ass of myself by joining in, or making a complete ass of myself by not joining in. I escaped during the first coffee break.
I don’t think it’s all that weird either. Considering -
How little so many of us really know about human relationships
How lots of are lonely
How human comfort really is a huge thing
I can see people wanting to get involved. My personal space is a very strong thing, I hate when people get into it. So I doubt I’d go. But I don’t think it’s that odd.
It does sound on the same calibre as going to a bar to pick up a date…either you’re picking up some who guy wants cuddles so bad he’s going to one of these, or you’re picking up someone who’s possibly drunk enough that you’re not even seeing the real him.
Back in the 90s didn’t we go through the same thing but with pacifiers and ecstacy and high beats-per-minute music? “Dude, feel this polar fleece. I mean, FEEEL it. . . I love all of you.”
Human contact is pleasing. I’m not sure about doing this with strangers however one of my fondest memories is something kinda like a cuddle party. When I was in my teens I was part of a pretty biggish group of performers and we were all really good friends, lots of dating within the group and that sorta thing… very few serious personality clashes relatively speaking (Ages ranged from 15 to mid thirties). After a long day working together we attended a cast party… we were all tired, and relaxing and several of us spread out blankets on the grass and basically, without planning or really even saying what were were doing about 20 of us were sprawled out on these blankets just having an impromptu sort of cuddle thing. People were resting their heads on laps, holding hands, throwing legs over each other… it was just incredibly nice. It reminded me of pictures you see of gorillas in a social group grooming each other or just in a heap together… enjoying the being close socially and physically. I don’t think I’d ever attend a random cuddle party but having experienced that day… I understand the impulse and what they’re after.
I think human contact is a necessary part of our existence, but that cuddle parties are a rather artificial means of achieving it. While it may satisfy the superficial need, it probably won’t satisfy the deeper underlying cause for the need. I think that is only satisfied with deeper connections, i.e. lovers, friends or family.
I’m probably biased, though, since I’m married, have three kids and get all the cuddling I need on a daily basis. Maybe if I was in a more lonely person’s shoes, I might think differently.
But all in all, it seems to be a friendly thing, and I’d rather see people engage in that than unfriendly things, so I’m OK with it.
It reminds me of the kind of extremely mild experimentation that kids engage in when they’ve just started to discover this “romantic physical intimacy” thing, but the prospect of a real relationship is still pretty scary… like sitting in your friend’s lap or laying your head on someone’s shoulder. I find it somewhat creepy that grown men and women are still at this stage.
I think you have identified what distinguishes normal (non-sexual) touching from planned frottering.