It’s interesting how most (some? me, anyway) of us seem to be comfortable with the idea of sex with strangers but not cuddling with strangers. Why is that? Why does cuddling with strangers make us say “ew” but sleeping with strangers gets a “meh”?
I’m not saying this mentality is wrong - like I said, this is how I consider the whole thing as well. I’m just not sure I can put my finger on why I think like that.
And that’s the thing. I think people who have no physical contact in their lives would be better served making some friends than engaging in a crude simulacrum of it.
Actual anonymous sex? Perhaps. Casual sex? Gotta disagree with you there, bud. It’s not my scene either - sex is a bit too linked for me to the sort of intimacy you don’t have with random hookups. But if you attribute the popularity of casual sex to “social pressure”, you’re assuming quite a bit. Much like the cuddle party crowd’s pretense that we don’t spoon strangers on the subway because of “social pressures”, I think you’re making a mistake in assuming that other people do things because of “social pressure”, while you do otherwise because you are somehow magically immune to it. I don’t buy it when people claim enlightenment. Actually, quite a bit of anthropological work has been done exploring people’s sexual practices; there’s plenty of theories to account for casual sex - and indeed, I seem to recall that some of those theories clearly predict that the human population should consist of people who do pursue casual sex and people who don’t.
On the other hand, if people started bringing teddy bears, footy pajamas, and Casual Sex Lifeguards on Duty to their casual sex encounters, I would agree that it was pretty darn creepy.
Herein lies the prudery.
I guess it would be OK (noncreepy, not just legally permissible) for me to have sex with total strangers and/or people I don’t know except in passing, but you (folks, plural; again I’m just selecting Doc’s post for being eminently quotable here) are quite bent out of shape at the idea of developing affectionate feelings for those same non-intimate people?
And meanwhile, c’mon folks, either get creeped out because it would <gasp> perhaps have erotic overtones or get creeped out because it would <sneer> fail to be sexual and therefore be infantile, but can we get some consistency going here? 
It is, it really is some kind of uptight prudery! Whatever it is that cuddling represents to you, you are appalled at the idea of having that with some casual acquaintance or stranger. Y’all keep trying to describe your appalled-ness in terms that imply there’s something intrinsically not right in the head about someone who would do that, but that’s a hangup on your part and you really ought to recognize it for what it is.
Heh. Should’ve read on to page 5 before posting my previous post. Yeah, what HazelNutCoffee said, except that you folks are weird and hung up and prudish about cuddling with folks you don’t know well, and I’m not.
Oh, and one more thing, as long as I’m on a roll here: If I wouldn’t cuddle with you I sure as hell wouldn’t have sex with you. That’s not to say I am not a slut at heart or that I’m prudish about sex, just that the first part of having sex is getting cuddly and affectionate and playful. Cuddling doesn’t always lead to sex, but some form of it is kind of a prerequisite.
I don’t think cuddling with someone you just met at a bar or party is any weirder than having sex with them. In both cases, there’s a mutual selection process. It doesn’t seem so indiscriminate.
The cuddle parties are to cuddling what posting a craigslist ad saying “come to my house for sex!” would be to sex. Technically, you don’t have to do anything in either case, but right at the outset you’re projecting a lot of desperation, which gives the whole thing a creepy vibe.
Edit: that craigslist ad should read “everyone come to my house for sex!”. In other words, no exchange of information, just a blanket invitation.
I don’t see how cuddling with random strangers automatically leads to affectionate feelings. Note that I described it as “counterfit.”. Cuddling strangers aren’t friends, they’re just cuddling strangers.
Maybe they can’t. Maybe they have some hang-up. Maybe this practice helps them overcome intimacy issues. Or maybe they just like to do this because it feels good. What difference does it make?
Then they have a serious problem they need to work on. That strikes me as akin to suggesting alcohol for people who are depressed. It might make you feel better for a moment, but it’s not doing anything about the underlying problem, and for people who really do need to turn to cuddle parties because they don’t have friends, they’re going to feel the lack of actual, meaningful human relationships at some point.
What does this even mean? The very term you’re using is meaningless. And if someone has “intimacy issues”, they’re not likely to want to attend a cuddle party in the first place, are they? Unless, of course, that “issue” is a tendency to engage in inappropriate intimacy with strangers. Cuddle parties would be paradise for folks like that.
And the question here is why it makes them feel good, isn’t it?
None. There’s no scenario that has been offered up so far that makes this seem any less creepy and disturbed to me. You’re trying very hard to convince the rest of us to change our opinions here. Well, frankly, you’ll have to do better. It’s not wrong for me to have a negative opinion of someone’s behavior. I think, in fact, that I’ve justified my opinion quite well. Perhaps if you’re still confused about it, you might consider rereading what I’ve posted already.
Nope. I think you’d be creepy if you engaged in a behavior specifically associated with emotional intimacy with someone you didn’t have actual affectionate feelings for. Like it or not, a lot of people have sex with folks they don’t have any particular affection for. That has gone on since time immemorial. And some people have sex as a substitute for love - I think that’s disturbed behavior as well.
The difference between sex and cuddling is that, for some people, sex is something that doesn’t particularly involve feelings of emotional intimacy. The best example is the cliché of hookers, having sex with johns but refusing to kiss them, because sex is not necessarily associated with love, but kissing (in their minds, at least) is a specific expression of love. Our romance-obsessed society likes to pretend that sex is an expression of love, but whatever you think it should be, it’s hard to pretend that it is in all cases. And I don’t think that’s the case for cuddling. In my opinion, cuddling is normally specifically an expression of affection for another person.
As I’ve said, over and over (your refusal to acknowledge it doesn’t change the fact that it’s my opinion), this smacks of attempting to fill an emotional need for actual connection with another person with a poor substitute - something that is normally an expression of a connection, absent of the actual connection. That’s why it’s a counterfeit. You can’t make that genuine emotional connection with ten people in a row in the middle of a room full of other people attempting to do the same.
Sex may be an expression of love, but it’s coupled to unmistakeable physical sensations that inherently feel good on their own. Cuddling does not produce those sensations (absent frotteurism.) Sex is pleasurable in a lot of different ways, but cuddling is pleasurable precisely and solely because it’s an expression of emotional connection. That’s exactly why it strikes so many of us as bizarre to seek it out in and of itself. It’s a strange attempt to pretend that you’ve got an emotional connection to another person when you don’t.
Regardless, I don’t think that engaging in sex indiscriminately with numerous strangers at the same time (or in series, perhaps) is normal or healthy behavior either. As Giraffe said, there’s a big difference between having sex with a casual acquaintance and cuddling with a dozen different people (who you probably know even less well.) If you’re going to try to argue by analogy, use an accurate one: cuddle parties are not akin to sex with a casual acquaintance, they’re equivalent to a formalized orgy complete with facilitators that apparently encourage participants to cry at random intervals. The disturbing part is not the idea of people cuddling with one another. The disturbing part is setting up a formalized system and a set of rules in order to do it.
Sorry, nope. If you share whatever psychological problem the participants in these parties have, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a sign of emotional ill health.
Your labeling of a difference betwixt you and me as an illness on my part doesn’t make it so.
And you’re still acting prudishly defensive and uptight about it.
{{{Excalibre}}}
Okay! 
I guess what you’re saying is true, but … hm. If I read a craigslist ad that said “woo! sex party at my house!” I’d probably think, " :rolleyes: there are some craaaazy people in this world." But if I read one that said “cuddling party - everyone’s invited!” my reaction would be more " :dubious: now that is weird." It just seems… weirder.
Never mind. This is probably just me.
Y’know, this disagreement, could it be a semantical situation? As in, it has struck me, that maybe some of what has been going on in this exchange has to do with people saying something that sounds like “Cuddle Parties are creepy” as opposed to “I feel creepy** about** Cuddle Parties.” The latter of which really is a more accurate statement (how the hell do you objectively measure creepiness?).
Of course then we’d have people challenging your right to "feel creepy"about it and trying to convince you that there must be something wrong with you if you feel creepy and…
hmm… wait…
Really, folks, people pass judgements all the time, it’s not some sort of crime, but it’s a question of keeping things in perspective. There’s nothing “bad” about saying “I’ll defend to the end your right to do your thing or feel that way… but it does sound completely daft to me”. The addressed person is then within their rights to tell us to go get stuffed and we’re all even. OTOH attempting to diagnose a behavioral/emotional disorder is something that should not be undertaken lightly, specially by laypeople; and challenging the parties to justify their feelings or give them up goes nowhere damn fast.
As to the cuddle parties? Not for me. Would feel utterly silly and out-of-place in such an environment and anyone who knows me would tell you I’d be the wrong fit and would harsh the vibe for the whole room.
Well, I admit no one elected me arbiter of what’s normal. I’m exquisitely aware of the fact that I’m kind of wired differently than most people sexually and emotionally.
That’s “wired”. Spelled “ire” not “eir” thank you very much
Here’s a report from the field on what one cuddle party was like. (Executive summary: “Lame”.)
Just trying to put your claims about me being “prudish” into perspective.
Nope. I’m fortunate in not being one of those people whose mind is so open it results in their brain dripping out of their ears.
I am SOOO not riding in the same subway car with you any rush hour I happen to be in NY.
Speaking only for myself, sex without intimacy can still result in orgasm. Cuddling without intimacy is just empty and pointless. Fundamentally unsatisfying. It lacks the physical release of orgasm, and the emotional comfort of cuddling with a loved one. I enjoy the physical proximity of people I love *because * I love them. I *don’t * enjoy the physical proximity of strangers on the subway.
And this. Theoretically, the “cuddle party” is designed to encourage people to touch each other without regard for attraction or connection. It treats touch as an end in itself, rather than a means. That (to me) seems desensitizing, not liberating.
Speaking only for myself, sex without intimacy can still result in orgasm. Cuddling without intimacy is just empty and pointless. Fundamentally unsatisfying. It lacks the physical release of orgasm, and the emotional comfort of cuddling with a loved one. I enjoy the physical proximity of people I love *because * I love them. I *don’t * enjoy the physical proximity of strangers on the subway.
And this. Theoretically, the “cuddle party” is designed to encourage people to touch each other without regard for attraction or connection. It treats touch as an end in itself, rather than a means. That (to me) seems desensitizing, not liberating.
Oops, sorry for the double post. Damned “invalid thread” errors. :mad: